Will the truth set you free?
Why is telling the truth so hard?
Telling the truth is a challenge for most people, based on my personal experience.
Not all people, but many I have observed over time.
It's hard for me too. I have not perfected the "truth." For a few reasons.
When I have told the truth in the past, it's seen as an attack, or jealousy, or bad intentions, etc. As a twenty-something (back in the day), trying to tell my friends the guy they are dating and in love with doesn't feel the same way has had tremendous repercussions and damage to my friendships.
Receiving the truth is hard to hear, too. Who wants to hear the truth?
What if my truth isn't the actual truth? What if my opinion is incorrect?
During my gender equity and reconciliation program I started in August (more on that later), I ran into an uncomfortable situation that needed to be addressed. I am working on telling the truth. No filter. No games. No sugar-coating - and with that, one needs compassion, listening, empathy, and strength. It's not easy. I did not grow up learning the skills for confrontation in my adult relationships.
I am learning them now and applying them in my current life.
Telling the truth is an intimacy technique.
So what are we talking about? Believe it or not, telling the truth is a form of emotional intimacy.
Emotional intimacy is a feeling of closeness and connection with someone. It's a sense of being deeply seen, known, and understood. It requires vulnerability, empathy, high trust, and finely attuned communication skills.
What Are Signs of Emotional Intimacy?
A feeling of safety and trust in your relationship
Warmth
Feeling that you know each other on a deep, meaningful level
A sense of fun, playfulness, and shared humour
A willingness to communicate and share your inner worlds
So, how can we learn to tell others the truth better?
Genuinely care and be curious. Nothing is more attractive than someone who knows they care about the relationship, whether professionally or personally.
Appreciation: Say more about what you appreciate about the other person.
Past memories: Talk about your favourite memories of working together. "Remember when...
Ask better questions. Get comfortable asking questions from a good place and out of curiosity.
Lean courageously into conflict. I know it's hard. But resentment builds over time and has damaging effects on your well-being.
Listen to understand, not fix. You aren't there to solve everyone's problems. Intimacy is learning to listen better and be with what shows up.
It's time to get comfortable telling others the truth.
The truth: I don't want to be in this anymore.
The truth: I don't want to continue with this anymore.
The truth: too much damage has been done.
The truth: I would like us to improve our relationship.
The truth: I feel taken for granted, and here is why.
The truth: I do not feel the same way; here is how I feel.
...where do you need to start telling the truth, at work or in your personal life?
xo
Sonia Grossi, CPCC, ACC, CMP