You don’t have to be a sellout.

I promise you don't have to sell out. You can change the script.

You don't have to keep playing the games to be seen or chosen.

You don't have to be in spaces where they don't acknowledge or see you.

You don't have to continue saying yes when receiving only half of the pie or a piece of it.

You don't need to work with people who are out of integrity.

You don't need to be in spaces where they control the narrative against you.

You don't need to be in spaces where sexual harassment is dismissed.

You don't need to be in spaces that are designed to keep you safe and don't take accountability for it.

What's harmful is harmful. What's hurtful is hurtful.

Compassion and empathy can only go so far. I disagree with weaponizing these things to recover the damage someone has caused.

I recently said NO to an organization I was extremely excited to work for and learn from, and they deeply disappointed and hurt me in ways I did not expect.

I participated in their "discussions," paid to be there, paid to get there and stay there, and in the end, I taught them things they weren't even aware of yet, nor were they ready to acknowledge it either. I heard things like, "Women are flirty," "Men aren't always aware when they cross boundaries." and "Mixed signals."

Stop weaponizing incompetence. Please.

I'm sorry, and also not sorry. Weren't we all here for the same reasons? Consent. Boundaries. Gender Equity. Reconciliation. Healing. Dismantling the patriarchy. Understanding each other. Respecting one another.

To boot, I participated in almost three months of "processing" the fact that someone violated my physical boundaries and then lied about it to the group. Then, I was told to keep it a secret from the group as we were "deep in process." Things happen like this all the time in this particular space...apparently. It's "normal".

I'll tell you all about what isn't normal. LOTS.

I can't even tell you how disturbed I am by all of it. But it gave me some of the most important lessons I needed to remember at this point in my life. I can now write a book on what not to do in personal development programs and what to do instead to create safe environments for everyone.

As I move forward toward my mission of creating a world where we stop abusing power, we stop exploiting s3x in exchange for intimacy or exploiting intimacy for s$x; I will fight the good fight.

Women, in particular, are told to continue working on it because there might be potential, even when they give us red flags.

We are conditioned to do everything we can: fight, try, repair, and fix because we want it to work out. Just stick with it; you are still "getting something out of it."

We are told that we have too high expectations and our standards are too high. We should lower them because lowering them will get you the thing you claim to want, and yet when we do that, we aren't happy either.

This is why fulfillment coaching, a coaching principle from Co-Active Training Institute, was imperative to support my decision to say NO to this organization.

My values. Simply put. What values do you hold dear to your heart?

Here are the values that this experience did not honour for me:

• Accountability

• Integrity

• Transparency

• Responsibility

• Honesty

• Respect

• Ownership

• Trauma-informed

• Action

• Ethical

I've shared my story about what happened with many people in my circles, and they are baffled by how long I have been fighting and trying to be seen and heard by this organization.

I know there is so much going on right now in the world that is far greater than my experience here.

Wars. Climate Change. Poverty. Sickness. Everything on top of that.

But the status quo isn't going to change these things.

I will not sit back for the rest of my life and let these things continue to happen.

I won't.

If you are ready to disrupt the current narrative in your spaces and communities, please get in touch with me at sonia@soniagrossi.com. I am a consultant for organizations and communities that are dedicated to creating safe spaces for ALL and who want to do it ethically and responsibly. That way, you no longer need to apologize for missing the mark and trying to clean up your messes.

Thank you for reading.

Sonia Grossi, CPCC, CMP