Learn to say NO and STOP People Pleasing

Learn to say NO. The hard truth. Lately, I am bombarded with people demanding my attention, time and energy, I’ve had to practice saying no to people and believe me this didn’t come easy. It’s the most liberating feeling once you begin the process of saying NO. At first, you feel really bad about it up until the point you have to say no, but then, when you do, you feel much lighter.

Some of us learned at a very young age that you had to be a certain way with people. In some family circles, and especially if you are a woman, you were taught to take care of everyone else before ever attending to your needs. Some of us felt really bad if we said no to our friends and wanted to focus on ourselves, or maybe, we felt bad when we had to “break up” with a boyfriend or girlfriend and in turn, delayed letting them go. Delays block you off from people and opportunities that are right for you and can potentially move you forward powerfully. Sometimes we make certain choices based on what others want, instead of what we want for ourselves and, unfortunately, delay our goals and aspirations. We want to be there for people absolutely, and I would never advocate for someone not supporting their loved ones. Be in communication with these people to show them you care and that you are there for them, even if they are a little dramatic ;)

What I recommend for anyone who is a People Pleaser who may feel depleted by the demands of others is to get clear on your priorities and goals. Carve out time in your week to focus energy and time on those goals and priorities. Create your recipe for the areas in your life you want to focus on in the next 2 - 3 months. I do this exercise with my coaching clients, and it helps them focus instead of getting overwhelmed with all of the things we have to do. An example of this could be how much time do you want to dedicate to your job search, how much time for romance, recreation, or family? Design your life any way you want that makes sense and feels good for you.

What are the benefits of saying NO:

1. Have more energy and time to focus on your big picture goals and get what you want
2. Get clarity in your life by getting rid of anything that you are tolerating
3. Let go of anything that takes up time and energy in your brain
4. Begin to feel lighter, breezy, and confident in your decisions
5. Begin to trust your intuition and feel your way through things rather than reacting to life

What is the impact if you don’t say NO:

1. Resentment
2. Anger
3. Exhausted
4. Stressed
5. Overwhelmed
6. Afraid
7. Delaying your life’s dreams and goals while the people around you are moving forward – fun!

It’s OK to focus on yourself and what you want. It’s all about balance.

In conclusion, make time for your goals and dreams, and have fun in the process. It’s OK if you feel like you’re not as far ahead of your peers because they are on a different journey than you. As we grow, we change, and we start to learn more about ourselves and what we value. Sometimes, we discover that the people we’ve surrounded ourselves for so long may not fit those values anymore and that is OK too. We keep moving forward and going after what we want to spend our time and energy on, and there is nothing selfish about that - it is your life and depending on your beliefs, you may only get one shot at it so make it count.-Sonia