You can try doing it on your own, but you don’t have to

Hi there and welcome 2018!

I decided not to write the official New Years post sharing what I learned and what I intend to do for 2018 because let’s face it, it’s overkill.

Instead, I wanted to write about the art of asking for help because I’ve thought a lot about this lately. People are afraid to ask for help in their career or personal lives.  I know tons of people who aren’t very good at this, and they have their reasons why they don’t ask for help. I used to be one of these people. I didn’t ask for help because I thought it made me look weak or it always came with an expectation of some sort, and it wasn’t worth it. So I didn’t ask for help, and I didn’t get the results I wanted for a long time. Building your team of supporters or “board of directors” to help you along this life journey is super important. It goes well beyond your family, partner/relationship, and friends.

I have been getting real curious about people, and I am seeing that there is some belief that is holding them back from growing in areas of their lives. It’s interesting to see how much we limit ourselves because of that THING or few things! I often hear people say, “oh when things settle down.” “when I finish this project, then I’ll do that thing.” ” I am already spending X amount of dollars, and I don’t have the money to invest in that right now.”  “My experience has been negative which means that I can’t do it because I will have the same result.” “I’m giving my partner X amount of time to show me their commitment to me because it’s too early.” Blah blah blah, excuses, excuses, excuses. We come with a list of excuses for why we can’t do something, or why it’s not the right time to spend the money and invest in ourselves, and we even give reasons for others to excuse certain behaviours. It’s a problem, indeed. Playing the waiting game wastes the time you have now and limits you from reaching your dreams and experiencing life in a new way.

We need to get better at asking for help because this is one strategy out of many that have contributed to my success in the past year (there you go, one for 2017!)

Here are some ideas:

1. Hire a Coach – at some point with the ever-changing workforce, lots of professionals will be seeking out a Coach to help create new ways to live their lives on purpose and fulfilled. You are in luck. I am a Leadership Coach and here is a link to my solo coaching programs and packages. If you are still not convinced, I invite you to read this recent blog post on why you should hire a Coach in 2018. Click here.
2. Look for a Mentor and ASK someone to Mentor you. A Mentor should be someone who is doing something you already want to be doing. Interview a few to get a sense of who you vibe with and trust.
3. Get curious about people and ask them how they got to be doing what they are doing now. One step further, ask them why! Developing these kinds of relationships will build your pipelines where you can access at any point for help.
4. If you are single, ask your peeps if they know of any cute single people you can date. Get out there and practice people! As a happily single woman, I am telling you, people need the practice. That goes for men and women. I have a coaching program for men specifically on dating. Click here to find out how we can work together.
5. Ask people in your network if they know of any job opportunities or volunteer opportunities and if they can refer you to someone to speak to about it.

Above all, go for no. Don’t expect people to say yes to you just because you asked. You may find most people will say no to you with a tiny few that can help you out and say yes to you. Learning from your rejections will help you in the future when you are asking for that raise or promotion as an example or in your sales conversations if you own a business.  Going for no and hearing no will build your confidence and strengthen your resiliency. Why do you need to do that? Because when people say YES to you, the possibilities and opportunities that come from that are now available to you. You’ll have the courage to have difficult conversations, quit your job, ask out that attractive person at the coffee shop and the Universe will respond to this new person you are in ways you never imagined.

“If you aren’t rejected often, you aren’t trying very hard.”

Schedule a complimentary coaching call with me if you are ready to change your life without excuses. Be vulnerable enough to trust me to get you where you want to be.

-Leadership Coach, Sonia Grossi

 

What’s your batting average?

Is your batting average a big fat zero? Or a nice .400? In baseball, if you are hitting at .400%, you are the all-time MVP. Trust me.

I’m calling the next chapter of my life; Nothing to Lose.

I spent a lot of time not taking action on the things that are most important to me. The things that mattered to me. The areas in my life I thought was a distant dream but one day would be my reality. Mostly, I wasn’t aware of what was important to me and because I was too busy people pleasing everyone else around me and supporting them with their goals. #peoplepleaser and #rescuer. Now at the big 3 – 0, I realize that I am over a hump of leaving my life to chance. Because leaving it to chance doesn’t work for me and adulting is HARD lol.

I recently had a great call with my Leadership Coach on dating. I am ready to get back in the game and start hitting again.(baseball reference people) To do this, you need to get out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there. Ugh. FEAR. LOL. So I started thinking about what I want? What do I want out of this? What’s going to work for me right now? Now that that’s clearer, how I do make it happen? So I came up with a dating strategy to meet new, fun, exciting, and intelligent men. I uncovered old beliefs and changed them to new beliefs. I worked on my mindset and emotional state so that when I meet these fascinating individuals, I have an open mind and I can connect better and have fun. Roll with the punches. Let’s just say that mindset has been the biggest shift for me because I already see the change in how I interact with men available in my life. It’s not about the end goal because I am looking for genuine friendships and connection. Simple.

All that to say, this area of my life is moving, shifting, and FAR MORE enjoyable than before. Thank Goodness!

My message here is not necessarily about dating, but, more importantly, about the action you take in your life. Just like any other area of your life whether it be career, money, friendships, love, real estate, the hard truth is that the less action you take, the fewer results you see. It’s not ALWAYS personal. Being resilient is going to help you big time to move your life in a direction and steer appropriately when necessary.

Here are some scenarios where your “outcome” or “expectation” will not help you and might stop you in your tracks of taking more action.

1. Applying for a job you are 100% qualified for and go through the entire interview process only to find out the employer offered the job to someone who didn’t have half the skills you did? WTF.
2. Starting a business with the expectation that you’ll make 15K in the first three months without any relationship pipelines developed. Yeah, this takes some work.
3. Putting it out there that you are interested in someone cute only to find out they have a partner or worse, they just don’t like you. Ouch.
4. Expecting your family to be more understanding and just get you one day. Expecting them to be different. #probablynot
5. Buying a home in Toronto without any plan to save for a down payment. There is no hashtag for this one.

Anyways, in my next chapter, I am exploring opportunities and saying YES. Situations that scare the hell outta me. Taking action on my dreams rather than sitting back and saying, well one day it’s going to happen right?

Discover what you want (this involves some thinking), make a plan with some action items and timelines, do the action items and see how it goes. Didn’t meet your “expectation”? That’s alright, hug yourself, be kind to yourself, and try again 🙂 Forget about your fears, limitations, expectations, or assumptions. Leadership is about taking action and being OK when you fail. Failure is going to be the most valuable lesson you will ever learn throughout your life and it will teach you what you need to do. So go out there and fail a little bit!

Tired of batting at 0? I know I was and that was a signal for me to do something about it. If you need help in uncovering your expectations, fears, beliefs, and assumptions are in your life and how these are holding you back, send me an email at sonia@soniagrossi.com, and we can talk. I work with people who want to thrive and evolve through a transformation to become a hero of their own story.

-Sonia

Be Your Superhero

Hi there,

Back in the day, I watched Sailor Moon everyday after school at 4PM btw.  She was a Japanese anime character with two identities. One identity was her regular life as a teenager in high school and the other as Sailor Moon, the superhero. When danger reared its ugly head, she used her inner leader to save the world. I wanted her magic pen that allowed her to change into any outfit she desired. Enough of that though..

What if I told you that the only person standing in your way of your dreams is you? What if I said that the only reason you aren’t making more money is you? What if I told you the only reason you are not experiencing your dream relationship is you?

How do you feel now? Hopeless, frustrated, disappointed, uneasy with the decisions you’ve made along the way. At some point did you stop and look at your life and say to yourself, who’s life am I living anyway? Is the life I’ve created for myself the life I want to be living or one that’s expected of me?

Some may argue that in order to get ahead; you need to have certain things in place before you can do that. You need money, education (possibly a Masters Degree these days), access to people who can connect you with the right people to gain access to incredible opportunities, work very hard to get the corner office on the 21st floor with a fantastic view. To experience the relationship of your dreams, you need to be skinnier, smarter, prettier, wealthier; otherwise, that person you are seeking might not consider you at all. There are A TON of preconceived notions of what you need to live life a certain way because let’s face it; the world is “unfair.”

Want to know a secret? How many of the things you think you want, can honestly say you want that for yourself? I could bet you if you took a look at the things you want to experience in this life, it might look different than what your life “should” be.

Here are some of the things I thought I had wanted before I hit 30:
1. A marriage with children
2. A four bedroom house
3. A leadership role in a large organization
4. The perfect body
5. A stable substantial income each month
6. A summer home
7. Tons of friends who come to my four bedroom home for dinner parties with their partners/husbands

Honestly, the list could go on, but I digress. As you can see, I am not 30 (in a few weeks!), and I am not on my way to marriage anytime soon, owning a four bedroom home, having a second home, or even friends who are married! Does it make me feel sad, frustrated, and disappointed? It sure does. The “should haves” I’ve pointed out are all the expectations I’ve put on myself. These are expectations I thought I should be experiencing at my age and they are a terrible way to look at my life.

It’s an awful feeling to feel like you are not at a certain level of what’s expected of you. And you feel as if you are kind of behind the eight ball. But everyone else is doing it you might say! So there must be something wrong with me if I don’t have any of those things, right?

I knew people in my earlier high school years who married in their early to mid-twenties and had made or on the way to make families. Bought a home, had a 9-5 job and took the vacation with their families once or twice a year. Every time I go to a cousin’s bridal shower or wedding (and I have plenty of relatives), I always get asked where my Mr. Right is, and if I don’t hurry up, it will be too late to live out my happy ending because single does not = happiness. I’ve also had “friends,” say to me, “Ugh I am so glad I’m not single anymore, it’s brutal out there.” What gives people?

What I am learning is that the environment in which I was surrounded by as a child was a tiny population of how the rest of the world lives their lives. We bought into the idea that life comes with a lot of shoulds and if you didn’t have them, you are a failure, so you better hurry up and marry the next guy that approaches you. You also better save all of your money and buy a house at 25 because then what else are you going to do? It’s all rigged by fear.

I had a beautiful young lady ask me the other day if I regret not finding “The One” earlier on in my years as she too is struggling to find a partner in her early twenties. My honest answer was No. I explained to her that if I choose to settle down with any of the men I’ve met along the way, my life would be completely different. I also shared that I always knew I wanted more of a relationship and the prospects around at each stage of my life were not candidates who could give that to me. There was still a lot of internal work to do. Only in my late twenties have I focused on myself and my self-discovery and uncovered what I want to experience in this life. The pressures we feel comes from our family, friends, and what we see on media as “acceptable.” These ideas we buy into are the only way to true happiness as it may seem from an external view.

It takes the time to feel your way through the pain you’ve experienced as a child, to heal and to let go. It also takes, even more time to find out who you are and not what you think you are based on someone else’s beliefs.

You see the thing is, sometimes my Superhero emerges in conversation with people. However, my inner child has me feeling small, hopeless, frustrated, disappointed by any means. It’s an internal conflict, and I am breaking it down.

My Inner Superhero Goes Like This: ( I love Sailor Moon btw)

Sonia, you are a force of nature, fun, flirty, magical, intuitive, authentic, connected and SEXY. You are so sure of what you are looking for, and because of that, you never settled for the first, second, third or even fourth opportunity that came your way. You have a fantastic mindset and understanding of the world in that it is abundant and there are plenty of choices and opportunities available for you. When one door closes, another door opens directing you to your hearts desires. You are mastering your intuition and taking a step back before saying yes to anything that feels less than spectacular. You’ve become conscious of what drains you and what excites you. You know deep down in your heart that you don’t have to settle for anything based on your friends, families, or co-workers opinions. On a larger scale, you are closer to being free of expectations with the gift of flexibility in your life. You are free. You will work on a beach because you’ve always wanted to and it will be even better than you had imagined. You will meet amazing souls all over the world who are kind, warm, loving, safe, intelligent and whom live their lives as if today is the best day of their entire lives. You will be welcomed and invited to something bigger than yourself. You want to transform the lives of others and free them from their expectations of themselves. You can inspire the rest of the world to stand up for themselves and choose things like love, joy, freedom, happiness, connection. It is possible for you to instill confidence and courage back into the world that seems to be forgotten. You just need to be patient. The Universe will test you with shiny things and distract you along the way, and it is your job to know when to say No. Ask, and it shall be received. Your problems will be bigger and harder, and with your resilience, you will overcome each one.

At the end of it all, I want someone to say about me, “She overcame all her limitations she imposed on herself and with that, showed others the way to their true hearts desires.”

You always have a choice. Are you going to continue with the story of being a victim of circumstances or are you going to tell your superhero story? You decide.

Let me know what your story is and send me an email at sgrossi.consulting@gmail.com. I’d love to hear from you and how the shoulds have been running your life.

– Sonia

What Game are YOU Playing?

We’re all in this together, the game of life or at least that’s the game I want to be playing. If you are someone who thinks life isn’t a game, read with caution and be open minded to this post.

Life is about strategy and focusing on the right things. If we focus our energy on unimportant things then we don’t score enough points and end up building a life that isn’t as fulfilling as we had hoped (Your Dreams). Don’t score low points, that isn’t what we are here to do. The stakes are high and the risks are totally worth it. The stakes will always be high when you take risks for the things you want. I would know because for SO long I focused on the wrong things and thought it would all work out the way I wanted it to. I’ll tell you over coffee one day how that worked out!

You see, your career is a game. It has a bunch of players just like you trying to be the best. Your relationships are also a game no matter how you feel about each other. Money is a game because it involves STRATEGY. FOCUS and ATTENTION. If you aren’t paying attention to money, it stays relatively the same and that’s no fun. What about that dream vacation to Europe you were thinking of doing?

So how do we survive the game for long? LONG game is where it’s at. If you like the fast lane, you haven’t learned certain lessons yet.

First we go through the basics and childhood where we are born into a certain family, location, education system, financial dependence and we are trained to act a certain way that is acceptable to these so called adults.

Then we move into young adult stage and we have TONS of energy and time. Depending on where you come from, you might have family money to blow as well. This is a stage most people  waste their time when they could be focusing on getting ahead. This is where we learn the fastest, have tons of energy, and are able to jump back into it after a full weekend of partying and BE OK. Be careful and proceed with caution, even though you may feel invincible you  still need to take care of yourself. Exercise, eat right, drink lots of water, learn something new and READ BOOKS. This stage is extremely fun when utilized, however, short lived. It goes way to fast.

Do you want to up your score now? Change location, location, location. Your environment has an impact on your stats and skills and also increases your chances of levelling up. For those of you living somewhere you don’t care to be because it’s boring and not a lot to do, you know what I mean. Depending on your lifestyle, moving closer to a big city can do wonders for your game because of the easy access to people, events, work and so many other wonderful things that come with it.

Finding the right partner is simple right? Especially today with so many options knocking at our doorsteps. (Maybe?) If you have excellent skills in this area you are more likely to find the right fit for you rather quickly. If you are always tired, irritable and closed you come across as unskilled and now your a player who is unappealing to other players. Believe me, I see it all the time. The lethargic, unenthused, no passion for life and you know they don’t take care of themselves.  Don’t go looking for a relationship when you are like this, it’s not cool. Also, try not to take rejection personally, you just need to re-energize yourself again and can get back in the game with the rest of us.  

If you’re exercising, socialising, well nourished and growing in your career, you will radiate attraction automatically. Now go looking in the right places and your vibrational frequency will be sure to attract someone as awesome as you are. Listen to Oprah on how she got the part in the Colour Purple and you’ll know what I mean.

MONEY – what is your relationship with money? Do you love money? Think it’s greedy or selfish? Do you envy people who make more money than you? Are you making enough money right now to afford your lifestyle? Money is an important resource we all need and is used as a tool, so figure out a way to make it so you can afford your life without relying on anyone else.

Later life is when our options change as the game progresses. You have more responsibility and reduced time and energy. At this point, we have gained more skills, resources and experience to achieve certain milestones in our life. For example: paying off a mortgage, married and had children etc.

It amazes me how many of us procrastinate and delay certain areas of our lives because we think we have forever. We don’t have forever. If we play the game  with focus and strategy, we can come out a top player with excellent scores, skills and experiences. That’s the game I want to play.  Staying in the bubble is safe and comforting and your score ends up LOW. Who wants to be a losing player? Not me.

flagpole
One of my favourite video games EVER

 

My advice: Your time is NOW. Not tomorrow, so take that course you’ve always wanted, hire that coach to help you start your own business, sign up for that cooking class and LEARN, EXPERIENCE and GROW. Develop your skills in all areas possible and eventually, you will level up and all that strategizing will have paid off. Don’t believe me?

Reach out to me to learn more about my coaching and training programs to help strategize and come out as a TOP player in your game.

-Sonia