Dating 101

In the spirit of MOvember and everything I’ve experienced in my dating life recently, I decided to release this post. If I’m honest (which I am) dating can be an extremely overwhelming, stressful, disappointing and a dull area in our lives to navigate. Now that we have easy access to meet and talk to new people at our fingertips, it can pose discomfort for some of us as we may not be skilled in the areas of talking to people. Yes, I am being serious. Talking to humans is a skill set.

There are a lot of people both men and women I talk to who are single and feeling like crap about it. It’s as if it’s the end of the world because all their friends are getting married, having babies, or in long-term relationships. The race to the finish line is stressful, and with all the seemingly “reasonable” options settling down before our eyes, our options are limited. Or so we are trained to think.

I dedicate this post mainly to men. Women already have Matthew Hussey for that kind of thing, however, I’m open to it. I published a post a while back entitled, “What are men for?” Click here to read It received a lot of attention with men specifically. Random people on Instagram messaged me on my account. People I haven’t spoken to for years commented on the content. I find that there are three types of people in this area who genuinely desire a relationship and in the hopes for one.
1. There is the hopeless, defeated feeling type of human who dates occasionally and hates it.
2. There are the ones who enjoy dating and view dating as an exciting time in their lives. (possibilities are endless) Have fun with it.
3. There are the ones who enjoy their comfort zone a lot (me for a long time) and decide to leave love out of their lives because of 1000 reasons. Time, money, divorced, have kids, been heartbroken before. Whatever the reasons! I have been all three people.

I am now the second btw 😉

Here’s what I want to say that I haven’t said yet. Dating can be fun, exciting, and fulfilling if you know what you are doing. I truly and sincerely mean that. Your end goal doesn’t always need to be a relationship because statistically speaking, most people you meet are not a right fit for a relationship that is truly satisfying and fulfilling and that’s OK.

Often I hear my clients tell me precisely what they want their ideal partners/ideal relationship to look like and feel like and yet their current reality isn’t living up to those standards.

Or I’ll hear, if only it weren’t for this thing it would be perfect and then even after they share this, they go on to tell me, it is what it is, and you have to learn to compromise on things. Otherwise, you’ll always be alone. I agree, no one is perfect, and even though your story is cute and persuasive to a certain extent, I still believe you deserve a big extraordinary love you dream of and desire. Otherwise, what’s it all for? That’s a question to answer for yourself.

Why do people talk like this? I have some theories.

Maybe it’s a fear of not being good enough. Perhaps it’s the fear of being alone and finding someone who fits what you want seems too challenging. Maybe it’s a lack of confidence. Maybe you feel as if that person is “out of your league”. Maybe you just don’t know how to “pick up” women or talk to them. Maybe you don’t have money to date. Maybe you don’t want to be disappointed all over again. Perhaps you feel like you don’t have the time or energy to keep dating new people over and over. Maybe it’s a fear that it’s not possible to be with the person you want to be with. She doesn’t even exist, I’m running out of time, and there must be something wrong with me.

Scarcity mindset runs our lives and allow us to make bad decisions. This is where disappointment comes to play. Just think about all your previous relationships that ended. Most likely they were made due to a fear of scarcity of potential mates to a certain extent. 

These are all very real for people, and I get it. I used to think this way too, and my love life suffered because of it. Start thinking about what are you saying no to and what are you saying yes to? Think about the type of energy you feel when you are on dates with potential mates. What does it feel like?

If you want to chat, comment below or send me an email at sonia@soniagrossi.com and we can talk about your challenges with dating. We will also come up with a plan to get you to where you want to be, and it can look any way you want.

It’s pretty simple really and it can be fun 😉

Love, Sonia

 

 

Honesty is a top value of mine

I don’t like to look at things as good or bad anymore. Looking at life as either good or bad is based on perspective and there are plenty of lenses we can be wearing to see a different side to something. Watch Disney’s Wings of Life so you know what I mean by looking at life in different ways.

One thing I absolutely do not stand for in 2017 is leading people on or “dancing around”. I’m talking about leading people on with or in business, dating, friends, projects, clients for a few examples.

Leading on is when we are dishonest and are having difficulty making a decision because something is holding us back or we’ve already made the decision, are stuck in fear, and don’t have the courage to articulate it to another human being. Even though YES I am a millennial, I am also old school. I believe using a text message to convey you won’t be attending someone’s birthday is just plain ridiculous and cheap.  Although sometimes we don’t even get that. #ghosted. Pick up the phone.

There is a solution to this plague. I say plague because this topic affects tons of people around the world. It affects us because the behaviour is confusing, disappointing and takes always our energy. Asking for what you want takes practice and can be learned, call it a skill if you will. Let’s stop the game playing immediately. I see this problem with my generation a lot unfortunately. Use of technology has made it easier to communicate, however, it’s affecting our relationships and not in a good way. That’s a whole other blog post.

Don’t beat around the bush or sugar coat your feelings. Tell the truth in a kind and respectful way. If there is something you don’t want to do, then say it. When you do, remove the expectation that the other person will understand where you’re coming from. Know that by saying what you want allows liberation to unfold. The person on the receiving end may not like it, however, at least you were being honest and that takes courage. Good on ya!

Recognize the signs when someone is leading you on. Trust, there are always red flags if you take a step back and observe them. Once you recognize the patterns, you’ll be able to nip it in the bud earlier rather than later if someone is playing a game or dancing (sort of speak).

Example, Person A says, “ Yes I’m totally onboard with that and I’ll give you a call tomorrow to talk about it!”  Person A never calls. Person B gives Person A the benefit of the doubt. Person B follows up with a phone call and leaves a voicemail to reschedule. Rescheduling happens over and over again with excuse after excuse as to why these conversation aren’t happening. Person A is afraid. Person B just wants an answer. Person A shows signs of disrespect, commitment phone, and acts like a teenager who has a few things to learn about how to treat people. 

Don’t worry Person B, I gotchu. Just know the signs, recognize, and do something about it. You teach others how to treat you.

Person A, just be honest. We’d really appreciate it, and person B might actually still like you for it.

-Sonia