Dating 101

In the spirit of MOvember and everything I’ve experienced in my dating life recently, I decided to release this post. If I’m honest (which I am) dating can be an extremely overwhelming, stressful, disappointing and a dull area in our lives to navigate. Now that we have easy access to meet and talk to new people at our fingertips, it can pose discomfort for some of us as we may not be skilled in the areas of talking to people. Yes, I am being serious. Talking to humans is a skill set.

There are a lot of people both men and women I talk to who are single and feeling like crap about it. It’s as if it’s the end of the world because all their friends are getting married, having babies, or in long-term relationships. The race to the finish line is stressful, and with all the seemingly “reasonable” options settling down before our eyes, our options are limited. Or so we are trained to think.

I dedicate this post mainly to men. Women already have Matthew Hussey for that kind of thing, however, I’m open to it. I published a post a while back entitled, “What are men for?” Click here to read It received a lot of attention with men specifically. Random people on Instagram messaged me on my account. People I haven’t spoken to for years commented on the content. I find that there are three types of people in this area who genuinely desire a relationship and in the hopes for one.
1. There is the hopeless, defeated feeling type of human who dates occasionally and hates it.
2. There are the ones who enjoy dating and view dating as an exciting time in their lives. (possibilities are endless) Have fun with it.
3. There are the ones who enjoy their comfort zone a lot (me for a long time) and decide to leave love out of their lives because of 1000 reasons. Time, money, divorced, have kids, been heartbroken before. Whatever the reasons! I have been all three people.

I am now the second btw 😉

Here’s what I want to say that I haven’t said yet. Dating can be fun, exciting, and fulfilling if you know what you are doing. I truly and sincerely mean that. Your end goal doesn’t always need to be a relationship because statistically speaking, most people you meet are not a right fit for a relationship that is truly satisfying and fulfilling and that’s OK.

Often I hear my clients tell me precisely what they want their ideal partners/ideal relationship to look like and feel like and yet their current reality isn’t living up to those standards.

Or I’ll hear, if only it weren’t for this thing it would be perfect and then even after they share this, they go on to tell me, it is what it is, and you have to learn to compromise on things. Otherwise, you’ll always be alone. I agree, no one is perfect, and even though your story is cute and persuasive to a certain extent, I still believe you deserve a big extraordinary love you dream of and desire. Otherwise, what’s it all for? That’s a question to answer for yourself.

Why do people talk like this? I have some theories.

Maybe it’s a fear of not being good enough. Perhaps it’s the fear of being alone and finding someone who fits what you want seems too challenging. Maybe it’s a lack of confidence. Maybe you feel as if that person is “out of your league”. Maybe you just don’t know how to “pick up” women or talk to them. Maybe you don’t have money to date. Maybe you don’t want to be disappointed all over again. Perhaps you feel like you don’t have the time or energy to keep dating new people over and over. Maybe it’s a fear that it’s not possible to be with the person you want to be with. She doesn’t even exist, I’m running out of time, and there must be something wrong with me.

Scarcity mindset runs our lives and allow us to make bad decisions. This is where disappointment comes to play. Just think about all your previous relationships that ended. Most likely they were made due to a fear of scarcity of potential mates to a certain extent. 

These are all very real for people, and I get it. I used to think this way too, and my love life suffered because of it. Start thinking about what are you saying no to and what are you saying yes to? Think about the type of energy you feel when you are on dates with potential mates. What does it feel like?

If you want to chat, comment below or send me an email at and we can talk about your challenges with dating. We will also come up with a plan to get you to where you want to be, and it can look any way you want.

It’s pretty simple really and it can be fun 😉

Love, Sonia



Be Your Superhero

Hi there,

Back in the day, I watched Sailor Moon everyday after school at 4PM btw.  She was a Japanese anime character with two identities. One identity was her regular life as a teenager in high school and the other as Sailor Moon, the superhero. When danger reared its ugly head, she used her inner leader to save the world. I wanted her magic pen that allowed her to change into any outfit she desired. Enough of that though..

What if I told you that the only person standing in your way of your dreams is you? What if I said that the only reason you aren’t making more money is you? What if I told you the only reason you are not experiencing your dream relationship is you?

How do you feel now? Hopeless, frustrated, disappointed, uneasy with the decisions you’ve made along the way. At some point did you stop and look at your life and say to yourself, who’s life am I living anyway? Is the life I’ve created for myself the life I want to be living or one that’s expected of me?

Some may argue that in order to get ahead; you need to have certain things in place before you can do that. You need money, education (possibly a Masters Degree these days), access to people who can connect you with the right people to gain access to incredible opportunities, work very hard to get the corner office on the 21st floor with a fantastic view. To experience the relationship of your dreams, you need to be skinnier, smarter, prettier, wealthier; otherwise, that person you are seeking might not consider you at all. There are A TON of preconceived notions of what you need to live life a certain way because let’s face it; the world is “unfair.”

Want to know a secret? How many of the things you think you want, can honestly say you want that for yourself? I could bet you if you took a look at the things you want to experience in this life, it might look different than what your life “should” be.

Here are some of the things I thought I had wanted before I hit 30:
1. A marriage with children
2. A four bedroom house
3. A leadership role in a large organization
4. The perfect body
5. A stable substantial income each month
6. A summer home
7. Tons of friends who come to my four bedroom home for dinner parties with their partners/husbands

Honestly, the list could go on, but I digress. As you can see, I am not 30 (in a few weeks!), and I am not on my way to marriage anytime soon, owning a four bedroom home, having a second home, or even friends who are married! Does it make me feel sad, frustrated, and disappointed? It sure does. The “should haves” I’ve pointed out are all the expectations I’ve put on myself. These are expectations I thought I should be experiencing at my age and they are a terrible way to look at my life.

It’s an awful feeling to feel like you are not at a certain level of what’s expected of you. And you feel as if you are kind of behind the eight ball. But everyone else is doing it you might say! So there must be something wrong with me if I don’t have any of those things, right?

I knew people in my earlier high school years who married in their early to mid-twenties and had made or on the way to make families. Bought a home, had a 9-5 job and took the vacation with their families once or twice a year. Every time I go to a cousin’s bridal shower or wedding (and I have plenty of relatives), I always get asked where my Mr. Right is, and if I don’t hurry up, it will be too late to live out my happy ending because single does not = happiness. I’ve also had “friends,” say to me, “Ugh I am so glad I’m not single anymore, it’s brutal out there.” What gives people?

What I am learning is that the environment in which I was surrounded by as a child was a tiny population of how the rest of the world lives their lives. We bought into the idea that life comes with a lot of shoulds and if you didn’t have them, you are a failure, so you better hurry up and marry the next guy that approaches you. You also better save all of your money and buy a house at 25 because then what else are you going to do? It’s all rigged by fear.

I had a beautiful young lady ask me the other day if I regret not finding “The One” earlier on in my years as she too is struggling to find a partner in her early twenties. My honest answer was No. I explained to her that if I choose to settle down with any of the men I’ve met along the way, my life would be completely different. I also shared that I always knew I wanted more of a relationship and the prospects around at each stage of my life were not candidates who could give that to me. There was still a lot of internal work to do. Only in my late twenties have I focused on myself and my self-discovery and uncovered what I want to experience in this life. The pressures we feel comes from our family, friends, and what we see on media as “acceptable.” These ideas we buy into are the only way to true happiness as it may seem from an external view.

It takes the time to feel your way through the pain you’ve experienced as a child, to heal and to let go. It also takes, even more time to find out who you are and not what you think you are based on someone else’s beliefs.

You see the thing is, sometimes my Superhero emerges in conversation with people. However, my inner child has me feeling small, hopeless, frustrated, disappointed by any means. It’s an internal conflict, and I am breaking it down.

My Inner Superhero Goes Like This: ( I love Sailor Moon btw)

Sonia, you are a force of nature, fun, flirty, magical, intuitive, authentic, connected and SEXY. You are so sure of what you are looking for, and because of that, you never settled for the first, second, third or even fourth opportunity that came your way. You have a fantastic mindset and understanding of the world in that it is abundant and there are plenty of choices and opportunities available for you. When one door closes, another door opens directing you to your hearts desires. You are mastering your intuition and taking a step back before saying yes to anything that feels less than spectacular. You’ve become conscious of what drains you and what excites you. You know deep down in your heart that you don’t have to settle for anything based on your friends, families, or co-workers opinions. On a larger scale, you are closer to being free of expectations with the gift of flexibility in your life. You are free. You will work on a beach because you’ve always wanted to and it will be even better than you had imagined. You will meet amazing souls all over the world who are kind, warm, loving, safe, intelligent and whom live their lives as if today is the best day of their entire lives. You will be welcomed and invited to something bigger than yourself. You want to transform the lives of others and free them from their expectations of themselves. You can inspire the rest of the world to stand up for themselves and choose things like love, joy, freedom, happiness, connection. It is possible for you to instill confidence and courage back into the world that seems to be forgotten. You just need to be patient. The Universe will test you with shiny things and distract you along the way, and it is your job to know when to say No. Ask, and it shall be received. Your problems will be bigger and harder, and with your resilience, you will overcome each one.

At the end of it all, I want someone to say about me, “She overcame all her limitations she imposed on herself and with that, showed others the way to their true hearts desires.”

You always have a choice. Are you going to continue with the story of being a victim of circumstances or are you going to tell your superhero story? You decide.

Let me know what your story is and send me an email at I’d love to hear from you and how the shoulds have been running your life.

– Sonia

Fear Curbs Possibility

How does it make you feel?

I don’t think I’ve been asked the question “how does it make you feel” as many times in my life all in one weekend. This past weekend I was in Detroit retreating. It was one of the most transformational weekends of my life. This weekend was filled with love, support, positivity, power and above all nourishment for my soul. I worked with 5 amazing women entrepreneurs with all different walks of life on a 3 day retreat and we learned so much about each other. I never met them and knew very little, and yet I was the most open and vulnerable I’ve been in a LONG time. Crying in front of a bunch of strangers, no problem! Thank you universe for helping me heal. Jump into the possibility of the unknown and you will be surprised.

I learned a lot about fear, possibilities, integrity and language. I found that my language was off and I can fine tune it in order for me to step out of our old versions of ourselves and move into our future and brighter selves.

Each woman had a purpose, talent and gift that was extremely unique and beautiful. Although we were all different in terms of family, geographic locations, talents and creativity, we were very much similar. I learned to receive their love and support. Another hard thing for me to do. We talked about joy, choices, thinking patterns, abundance, letting go, envisioning the future, and setting boundaries. MAN did I have a hard time setting boundaries….and these women held me accountable to practice with them. Holding me accountable to my higher self! Who would have thought practicing boundaries to be a difficult thing. Thank you universe for providing abundance and opportunities to practice somewhere safe.

My drive to and from Detroit were filled with deep conversations and barriers were removed with someone who is not only extremely talented, beautiful, smart and powerful. Her and I have the same taste in music so I appreciated the connection and company.  I learned so much this weekend about myself and felt so connected to these woman I now call my tribe. Thank you universe for providing my tribe.

One of the biggest takeaways I learned from each of these woman including myself is how much of our fears curbs possibility thinking. It literally stops us in our tracks from taking action and we find the most pathetic excuses NOT to do something. Why do we do this to ourselves? We get SO excited until fear creeps in and then we shut off. “I need more time.” “ I don’t have enough money to do that” “They won’t like me if I say that”. “I could never do that” Blah blah blah. Nonsense. Also notice how pathetic this language sounds?

Time is what we have NOW. We put everything our hearts desire on hold thinking all we have is forever.  Money is major block for many of us and the only way to make more of it is to remove these blocks. Invest in yourself, learn about yourself, confront and work on the hard stuff.  It isn’t easy and yet totally necessary for a transformation. Staying behind the 8 ball is boring and dull. Have faith and let go of what feels comfortable, safe and watch what happens to your life. I’ve done it and I am continuing the process. It is actually really hard and you’ll feel like your in chaos, however, its return on investment is far greater than doing nothing about it.

I see so many people burnt out, drained, exhausted and accepting these feelings as a way of life. Accepting anything less than extraordinary is a sign to your higher self saying you do not deserve your dreams. I hear this many times, “yeah it could be better but you can’t have everything you want.”  This “yeah but” is the MOST dangerous language ever. Dissatisfied with a job, income, friends, relationships is the universe telling you something. Yeah but if I quit my job, then I don’t have any money and then I need to move and money affects all areas of my life. Why does it have to be this way?  We are not even thinking the possibility of maybe leaving your boring, dull, soul sucking job behind. Start with what happiness looks like. Leaving your boring job can open you up to the possibility of landing the job of your dreams and have the income you feel that is reflective to your real self worth and maybe you’ll find the person of your dreams, and maybe you can move to a bigger apartment in the neighbourhood you’ve always wanted. WHY oh WHY do we shut off part of our imaginations that lead us to our dreams. I see this over and again and we ACCEPT the current state of our being is the way life should be. Miserable with a tiny hint of joy sprinkled sporadically.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us – Nelson Mandela

My powerful moment in Detroit below. I am no longer playing small. I play a bigger game. Detroit International Academy for Young Women speaking assembly, myself and 5 wonderful women entrepreneurs shared our stories showing Detroit’s beautiful girls that anything is possible.  I never wanted to play small anyways…

Have you read the book or seen the movie Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert? She was a source of inspiration and influence for me. Her story influenced me to tour Europe for 30 days without a job lined up when I returned home. She left everything behind that felt safe and comfortable in New York and travelled for one year to Italy, India and Bali even though her New York people thought it was a BAD idea and it terrified them. Elizabeth knew better and did it for herself. Now, she makes a ton of money from her story by trusting faith and jumping into the unknown for greater possibilities to come her way. This is how we feel alive. It is how we are able to become the brightest versions of ourselves and connect with people who were meant for us. Once you start making decisions for yourself like this, notice how much you’ll start scaring the people around you. It’s going to be hard to move through it and just remember that this is inevitable. You will scare them and they will let you know about it.

What are you going to choose? You can choose to make decisions based on your fears because you feel like there is no other choice and wait for it to get better (which it won’t) OR you can choose to be happy and feel alive again like you did when you were very little.  Remember when you were outside and caught grasshoppers for 2 – 3 hours and didn’t even notice time flying until some adult shouted your name to come back inside? Yes, I used to catch grasshoppers when I was small…and I wanted to take care of them.. Who does that?

If you need clarity and someone to help you confront your fears, give me a call or send me an email and we can talk 🙂

  • Sonia