You Give Your External World Way Too Much Power

It’s been awhile since I last posted and that’s mostly because there has been a LOT of action I’ve been taking in my life 🙂

Flirting with opportunities, flirting in the dating world ;), taking action on my goals and setting my finances STRAIGHT. Oh and I’ve also taken up tennis lessons which btw I realize I missed my calling. For someone who has NEVER played tennis for 30 years, I am DAMN good as a beginner lol.

Today, I am here to talk to you about how we give a lot of value on the external world around us. What I mean by that is we put a lot of focus and energy on things like:

Money: how much money we make
Career: your job title
Education: your highest education background
Automotive: the car we drive
Relationship Status: married, in a relationship or single
Home: mortgage before 30
Social Media: how many likes on Facebook we have, how many friends or followers we have
Hobbies: Do we have hobbies? Or not?
Fun & Recreation: Do we play sports, hiking, kayaking, gym, yoga

I think you get the point, however, let me go further.

Now the scary part about all of this is that if we do not have the things we thought we’d have by a certain age or we see others have the things we want by our age, we feel sad, helpless, powerless. It’s as if these achievements are not meant for us, or we are not good enough to have them. How many times do I hear my clients talk about all the things their friends have that they do not have yet. Ugh.

We give WAY too much power to our external world. I know this firsthand because I have been doing it for years. The result of this is that I always felt disappointed and unhappy. Yes, I know, the people around you don’t make it any better or easier for that matter. They are the ones telling you that you are running out of time, wasting your time, or your childbearing years are soon coming to an end so just pick one already! The pressure to fit into what the world wants you to be is overwhelming, confusing, and stressful. For real. #truth

I used to put a lot of value on my career and money which is still very important to me. Now that I have discovered my vision and mission, things are much clearer to me. I have a sense of calm, clarity and peace. I genuinely believe in the work that I do and understand that the world desperately needs this work. Regardless of things like budgets, resources, bottom line, and profits. I trust myself more because I know what value I can bring to the world and I see its impact. My impact is intense and its been a powerful movement I’ve witnessed in the past year.

Before I figured this out, I was chasing everything and anything just to get ahead. Spinning my wheels as if I wasn’t progressing, however, moving backward instead. It wasn’t until I recognized the value I had to give was when things began to shift for me. I used to take side jobs left right and center that paid very low because I started to believe that I didn’t have what it takes to impact and lead change. What I forgot about my inner truth was that I am an influential leader who sets people free of themselves. It was not entirely my fault as like I said the world around you creates a lot of unnecessary noise that makes you lose sight of who you are. When that happens, and you begin to believe them, you accept anything. Because something is better than nothing, sound familiar to you?

I said no to my dream job that plenty of people would kill to have because I didn’t want to wait for them to figure their s*#@ out, pay me appropriately, and put me on a full-time salary. It’s a year later, and they just posted for a full-time Manager position looking for someone to manage precisely what I was looking after and the responsibilities I had.

Where am I now though? I’m working with a Toronto Hospital with the most fantastic team I could have ever imagined. I have the flexibility to work on my dream business and movement to help people achieve their dreams and contribute to their larger purpose in life. I visit Universities in Ontario and speak to students, inspire them to think larger than themselves and develop their confidence muscles. The only limitations we have is ourselves. Students are the best!

When you begin to say NO to things that do not serve you or your more significant purpose, your life MOVES. Let me tell you does it ever move forward and pretty damn fast. Say NO to that guy or girl who sucks up your time and energy and isn’t going anywhere just to pass the time until something else better comes along. Say NO to that job that you hate. Say NO to those friends that are small thinkers and get jealous when you succeed. Say NO to the family commitments that no longer matter and say Yes to the ones that do. Say NO to the things that waste your time and energy. It’s all your choice at the end of the day, and no one can make you feel guilty about it, even when they try. You give them that power to feel like crap. Train them otherwise.

This is what focusing on your internal world looks like. Your inner world is who you are, what you value, what you need, your beliefs and perceptions, and your larger purpose in this life. Start to pay attention to how your external world makes you feel. We’ve been trained to accept anything that comes our way, but, you are far more creative and powerful than that. Your power comes from you choosing and going after what you want. Your influence is your impact. Take a look at your world around you, and if it isn’t up to par, you need your inner world to change and refocus.

I can help you refocus your inner world like I have this past year. Your external world will naturally shift and be the way you want and need it be. It takes courage and carefree resiliency to change your inner world, and I can support you through this journey. Are you ready?

Schedule a call with me by clicking here, and let’s talk.

xo Sonia

 

What’s your batting average?

Is your batting average a big fat zero? Or a nice .400? In baseball, if you are hitting at .400%, you are the all-time MVP. Trust me.

I’m calling the next chapter of my life; Nothing to Lose.

I spent a lot of time not taking action on the things that are most important to me. The things that mattered to me. The areas in my life I thought was a distant dream but one day would be my reality. Mostly, I wasn’t aware of what was important to me and because I was too busy people pleasing everyone else around me and supporting them with their goals. #peoplepleaser and #rescuer. Now at the big 3 – 0, I realize that I am over a hump of leaving my life to chance. Because leaving it to chance doesn’t work for me and adulting is HARD lol.

I recently had a great call with my Leadership Coach on dating. I am ready to get back in the game and start hitting again.(baseball reference people) To do this, you need to get out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there. Ugh. FEAR. LOL. So I started thinking about what I want? What do I want out of this? What’s going to work for me right now? Now that that’s clearer, how I do make it happen? So I came up with a dating strategy to meet new, fun, exciting, and intelligent men. I uncovered old beliefs and changed them to new beliefs. I worked on my mindset and emotional state so that when I meet these fascinating individuals, I have an open mind and I can connect better and have fun. Roll with the punches. Let’s just say that mindset has been the biggest shift for me because I already see the change in how I interact with men available in my life. It’s not about the end goal because I am looking for genuine friendships and connection. Simple.

All that to say, this area of my life is moving, shifting, and FAR MORE enjoyable than before. Thank Goodness!

My message here is not necessarily about dating, but, more importantly, about the action you take in your life. Just like any other area of your life whether it be career, money, friendships, love, real estate, the hard truth is that the less action you take, the fewer results you see. It’s not ALWAYS personal. Being resilient is going to help you big time to move your life in a direction and steer appropriately when necessary.

Here are some scenarios where your “outcome” or “expectation” will not help you and might stop you in your tracks of taking more action.

1. Applying for a job you are 100% qualified for and go through the entire interview process only to find out the employer offered the job to someone who didn’t have half the skills you did? WTF.
2. Starting a business with the expectation that you’ll make 15K in the first three months without any relationship pipelines developed. Yeah, this takes some work.
3. Putting it out there that you are interested in someone cute only to find out they have a partner or worse, they just don’t like you. Ouch.
4. Expecting your family to be more understanding and just get you one day. Expecting them to be different. #probablynot
5. Buying a home in Toronto without any plan to save for a down payment. There is no hashtag for this one.

Anyways, in my next chapter, I am exploring opportunities and saying YES. Situations that scare the hell outta me. Taking action on my dreams rather than sitting back and saying, well one day it’s going to happen right?

Discover what you want (this involves some thinking), make a plan with some action items and timelines, do the action items and see how it goes. Didn’t meet your “expectation”? That’s alright, hug yourself, be kind to yourself, and try again 🙂 Forget about your fears, limitations, expectations, or assumptions. Leadership is about taking action and being OK when you fail. Failure is going to be the most valuable lesson you will ever learn throughout your life and it will teach you what you need to do. So go out there and fail a little bit!

Tired of batting at 0? I know I was and that was a signal for me to do something about it. If you need help in uncovering your expectations, fears, beliefs, and assumptions are in your life and how these are holding you back, send me an email at sonia@soniagrossi.com, and we can talk. I work with people who want to thrive and evolve through a transformation to become a hero of their own story.

-Sonia

Be careful what you wish for

Trust me…

I was someone who sincerely believed that I never got what I asked for in life. You know those people. They are the ones who say after winning a prize, “Oh I won!? I never win anything”. When in reality, you know they win stuff all the damn time.

I never thought it was possible to receive everything I had asked for until much reflection as I’ve taken Labour Day weekend to reflect on my career, love life, friendships, and family. I took myself out on dates, went to the CNE, cooked a fabulous dinner that I can now cook for others (Sonia approved), cleaned, took a Yoga class with a fantastic instructor BTW, purchased Fall clothes using my besties discount card, reorganized my wardrobe, Netflix (How to Get Away with Murder released season 3!) and came up with a plan for the last four months of 2017. OMG really! 2017 only has four months left? Didn’t I just celebrate it’s New Years not too long ago?

Anyhoo… I now have proof of how important being specific in life is IF and ONLY IF you take the time to visualize. I have been envisioning what my life is going to look like in the next five years and believe me when I first started these vision board type of exercises; I didn’t even honestly believe my vision party. I was like, OK I want to be successful, making tons of money, have a team to pay, work on contract for multiple organizations, be in a loving relationship, own my own beautiful and expensive loft in Toronto, upgrade my car (I still love my 2012 civic OK), have a six pack of abs, and eat whole grains and seeds throughout the day. Although all available, also a lot of work to get there and my over achiever in me wanted it all at once. The truth is, Sonia isn’t exactly 20 years old anymore, and I only have enough energy in the day to take me so far.

See the fact is that when you start digging deep, learning about yourself, taking the time to understand your triggers and insecurities, looking objectively at your past, failures, and successes only then do you then realize what is really going on.

This is what I learned, when you want something or when you have been asking for something to happen for a long time, I can almost bet on it that you have received what you have asked for. I know this because I have proof and I also have proof from other people I know. Last year when I started my entrepreneurial venture it was hard, to say the least. I was not accustomed to not having an income since I was 16, and at 28 I was making $0 each month. This was a huge struggle because I was pulling from my savings which I had worked my ass off to save for a “house, ” and I didn’t know how long I could continue before I went back into the 9-5 world which was not high on the priority list. However, I prevailed, and I worked on getting clients, built a website, figured out my messaging and how I wanted to train and coach people and organizations. I went to networking events which I never did when I had a 9-5 job and stretched myself to get out there and be someone different. I hired coaches (2), took courses and workshops, I reached out to people I had worked with in my past, I started developing new friendships because let’s face it, I was in need of change, and I had exhausted all of my options.

Fast forward a year later, and I have a contract position training staff on service excellence to a great organization doing wonderful things for people. I have clients who value my training and coaching services. I’m not living off of my savings anymore (yay). I receive positive feedback everywhere I go, and people want more. I’m being asked to facilitate workshops and retreats for leaders, and now it comes far easier than before. Before it was a struggle and now it just flows. Did I think it was possible a year ago? Not so much but I also started asking for what I wanted and low and behold, it comes.

Life happens and moves forward when you believe it will happen. It might not happen tomorrow, but it will happen for you to experience at some point.

Keep in mind, what you ask for and finally receive, you may feel that it isn’t at all that cracked up to be and that’s OK too. It just means that now you have even MORE information to let you know what you do want and you can let go of anything that feels less than spectacular. People don’t like that phrase because they think it sounds selfish and that feeling spectacular doesn’t exist for them. “Who are you to say no to opportunities?” “Psh…saying no to things that seem less than spectacular? That’s ridiculous; you need to pay the bills and get married already.” “You need to grow up now.” I chose a life of ease, abundance, joy, community, love, happiness and being able to share my gifts in the process. The struggle is for those who have a fixed mindset. If you want to move forward in your life Google “growth mindset” because success starts with your thoughts and beliefs. It doesn’t matter what car you drive, what educational background you come from, the family you were born into, but more so, how you train your mind to believe in the possibility that it’s possible for you too.

Here are some essential tips to move areas in your life in the direction you want it to go:

1. Make a list of the following areas in your life, career, money, home, romance, friendships and family, fun and creation, health and well being, personal growth.
2. Write in each section what it is you want.
3. Be specific about what you want and exclude any language that talks about what you don’t want. I’ll give you an example, I want a man who is strong and kind but not selfish and lazy. Here is what the Universe will send you from these thoughts. A man who is might be strong and kind, but also might be selfish, and lazy. Yes, it will happen.
4. Set timelines for when you want these things to happen
5. Take action to make it happen
6. Be patient

And finally. Meditate, go for a walk, drink lots of water, eat better, exercise, travel, spend more time with yourself and be by yourself. Figure out what you want and what you need without people in your ear. Stop reaching out to people because you are bored and don’t have your own life to share with others. Create your own life by doing things you enjoy, this will raise your frequency, and once you do that, anything is game.

Need a boost in life? I’m all ears. Contact me at sonia@soniagrossi.com

-Sonia

 

Be Your Superhero

Hi there,

Back in the day, I watched Sailor Moon everyday after school at 4PM btw.  She was a Japanese anime character with two identities. One identity was her regular life as a teenager in high school and the other as Sailor Moon, the superhero. When danger reared its ugly head, she used her inner leader to save the world. I wanted her magic pen that allowed her to change into any outfit she desired. Enough of that though..

What if I told you that the only person standing in your way of your dreams is you? What if I said that the only reason you aren’t making more money is you? What if I told you the only reason you are not experiencing your dream relationship is you?

How do you feel now? Hopeless, frustrated, disappointed, uneasy with the decisions you’ve made along the way. At some point did you stop and look at your life and say to yourself, who’s life am I living anyway? Is the life I’ve created for myself the life I want to be living or one that’s expected of me?

Some may argue that in order to get ahead; you need to have certain things in place before you can do that. You need money, education (possibly a Masters Degree these days), access to people who can connect you with the right people to gain access to incredible opportunities, work very hard to get the corner office on the 21st floor with a fantastic view. To experience the relationship of your dreams, you need to be skinnier, smarter, prettier, wealthier; otherwise, that person you are seeking might not consider you at all. There are A TON of preconceived notions of what you need to live life a certain way because let’s face it; the world is “unfair.”

Want to know a secret? How many of the things you think you want, can honestly say you want that for yourself? I could bet you if you took a look at the things you want to experience in this life, it might look different than what your life “should” be.

Here are some of the things I thought I had wanted before I hit 30:
1. A marriage with children
2. A four bedroom house
3. A leadership role in a large organization
4. The perfect body
5. A stable substantial income each month
6. A summer home
7. Tons of friends who come to my four bedroom home for dinner parties with their partners/husbands

Honestly, the list could go on, but I digress. As you can see, I am not 30 (in a few weeks!), and I am not on my way to marriage anytime soon, owning a four bedroom home, having a second home, or even friends who are married! Does it make me feel sad, frustrated, and disappointed? It sure does. The “should haves” I’ve pointed out are all the expectations I’ve put on myself. These are expectations I thought I should be experiencing at my age and they are a terrible way to look at my life.

It’s an awful feeling to feel like you are not at a certain level of what’s expected of you. And you feel as if you are kind of behind the eight ball. But everyone else is doing it you might say! So there must be something wrong with me if I don’t have any of those things, right?

I knew people in my earlier high school years who married in their early to mid-twenties and had made or on the way to make families. Bought a home, had a 9-5 job and took the vacation with their families once or twice a year. Every time I go to a cousin’s bridal shower or wedding (and I have plenty of relatives), I always get asked where my Mr. Right is, and if I don’t hurry up, it will be too late to live out my happy ending because single does not = happiness. I’ve also had “friends,” say to me, “Ugh I am so glad I’m not single anymore, it’s brutal out there.” What gives people?

What I am learning is that the environment in which I was surrounded by as a child was a tiny population of how the rest of the world lives their lives. We bought into the idea that life comes with a lot of shoulds and if you didn’t have them, you are a failure, so you better hurry up and marry the next guy that approaches you. You also better save all of your money and buy a house at 25 because then what else are you going to do? It’s all rigged by fear.

I had a beautiful young lady ask me the other day if I regret not finding “The One” earlier on in my years as she too is struggling to find a partner in her early twenties. My honest answer was No. I explained to her that if I choose to settle down with any of the men I’ve met along the way, my life would be completely different. I also shared that I always knew I wanted more of a relationship and the prospects around at each stage of my life were not candidates who could give that to me. There was still a lot of internal work to do. Only in my late twenties have I focused on myself and my self-discovery and uncovered what I want to experience in this life. The pressures we feel comes from our family, friends, and what we see on media as “acceptable.” These ideas we buy into are the only way to true happiness as it may seem from an external view.

It takes the time to feel your way through the pain you’ve experienced as a child, to heal and to let go. It also takes, even more time to find out who you are and not what you think you are based on someone else’s beliefs.

You see the thing is, sometimes my Superhero emerges in conversation with people. However, my inner child has me feeling small, hopeless, frustrated, disappointed by any means. It’s an internal conflict, and I am breaking it down.

My Inner Superhero Goes Like This: ( I love Sailor Moon btw)

Sonia, you are a force of nature, fun, flirty, magical, intuitive, authentic, connected and SEXY. You are so sure of what you are looking for, and because of that, you never settled for the first, second, third or even fourth opportunity that came your way. You have a fantastic mindset and understanding of the world in that it is abundant and there are plenty of choices and opportunities available for you. When one door closes, another door opens directing you to your hearts desires. You are mastering your intuition and taking a step back before saying yes to anything that feels less than spectacular. You’ve become conscious of what drains you and what excites you. You know deep down in your heart that you don’t have to settle for anything based on your friends, families, or co-workers opinions. On a larger scale, you are closer to being free of expectations with the gift of flexibility in your life. You are free. You will work on a beach because you’ve always wanted to and it will be even better than you had imagined. You will meet amazing souls all over the world who are kind, warm, loving, safe, intelligent and whom live their lives as if today is the best day of their entire lives. You will be welcomed and invited to something bigger than yourself. You want to transform the lives of others and free them from their expectations of themselves. You can inspire the rest of the world to stand up for themselves and choose things like love, joy, freedom, happiness, connection. It is possible for you to instill confidence and courage back into the world that seems to be forgotten. You just need to be patient. The Universe will test you with shiny things and distract you along the way, and it is your job to know when to say No. Ask, and it shall be received. Your problems will be bigger and harder, and with your resilience, you will overcome each one.

At the end of it all, I want someone to say about me, “She overcame all her limitations she imposed on herself and with that, showed others the way to their true hearts desires.”

You always have a choice. Are you going to continue with the story of being a victim of circumstances or are you going to tell your superhero story? You decide.

Let me know what your story is and send me an email at sgrossi.consulting@gmail.com. I’d love to hear from you and how the shoulds have been running your life.

– Sonia

Your Expectations are Costing you Your Life

“Expectations are the root of all heartache”  – Shakespeare

What happens when you have a certain set of expectations each and every time you take action or step outside of your comfort zone?

Expectations are a slippery slope and can get you into trouble. What do I mean by this?

Sometimes we think that if we do this then we should get something out of it and most of the time, we know exactly what that something looks like before we even enter the situation.

Here are some examples of what I mean:

  1. If we show up to a date for the first time, the person on the other end will automatically like us and will want to be with us right away and show us tons of affection. Trust has not developed at this point.
  2. If we go to a job interview and we “want” the job, we will automatically get it. You are competing against other candidates that want the job just like you.
  3. If we work really hard, work extra hours, and prove ourselves to this person or this company, we will get promoted and be praised for our hard work. Doing these things do NOT guarantee a promotion or praise. Look at the signs and company culture to promote within.
  4. If we keep making the effort with certain people (controlling the outcome) these people will change and want to spend loads of time and effort on us and make us feel special. (like we are chosen) We can’t force people to see in us what we want them to see or appreciate.

One does not equal the other. What feedback are you getting from the Universe about your life? What do people expect of you and what do you expect of them? How is that going for you?

I’ve been told in my past that my expectations were too high and that I “shouldn’t” expect something because of A, B, and C. Fair enough. So why do others expect something from us? We all have different priorities, perceptions, wants and needs so why is it so hard for us not to have expectations. When someone meets our expectations only then we can be happy, right?

Not exactly. Sometimes, we just need to let things be and grow organically. Stop trying to control the situation to be something you want. Stop trying to control the outcome and result because let’s face it, you might be disappointed. NOTE: Not getting the outcome you want does NOT mean you are not good enough to have it. It could mean a number of things, however, self-worth is definitely not one of them. Internalizing that there is something wrong with you because you did not get this thing is not the way to be looking at this. Instead, take a step back and look at the situation for what you learned from it and change your story around it.

When it comes to building relationships with people and building a business with clients, there is something we all need to understand once and for all. I used to be very impatient and wanted everything NOW just because I wanted it. I’ve learned through building my business, dating, and meeting new people that relationship building takes time. Sometimes more time than I’d like it to…

Here are a few things I’ve come to understand that I feel are helpful to share with you if you are someone who has expectations:

Trust is earned not given. Real authentic trust takes time to develop. Building a client base takes time, effort and persistence. Dating is that thing we do to get to know one another and see if we’re a good fit. It takes even more time to build a relationship if that’s what you are looking for and want. Creating new friendships don’t just happen overnight. Friendships take time to develop, needs energy and effort to enrich the bond and discover if you share the same values and interests. That’s not something that can be decided on Day One.

Where is this coming from you might ask?

Let’s just say starting a business truly transforms you and allows you to open up and discover all the habits and thoughts you were once holding onto that were holding you back from what is possible for you. That stuff doesn’t work anymore and when you don’t have a “safety net” of income it’s completely scary. Therefore, you have to unlearn things you’ve been taught in the past and instead learn new things you never even knew existed. In this new way, you are building, creating, developing, exercising confidence muscles that have been broken down from years of conditioning by society, teachers, parents, friends, exes, previous employers etc.

A few of my examples of new lessons:

  • Selling is not what I thought it was. Being who you are, expressing what you believe in and standing for the people you want to serve is how you attract the right clients to you in order to do your most awesome work.
  • It takes a few conversations between you and a potential client to develop trust so that you can really help them.
  • Don’t take things personally.
  • Be who you are and those who don’t agree with you are not meant for you along your journey.
  • Share your story along with hardships and struggles because this is how people relate to you.
  • Anyone who owns a business/company and wants to hire you to do A, B, or C will low ball you at first. Guaranteed. Be prepared to negotiate and know what you want and need before the conversation happens.
  • Help people.
  • Be more giving and open to receiving.
  • Money is a tool. Use it to better yourself.
  • Stepping into your leadership is out of your comfort zone, powerful and totally scary.
  • You do not need to be friends with everyone.
  • Asking for what you are worth is uncomfortable, awkward, and yet totally necessary.
  • Don’t be afraid to walk away.
  • Make time for people who make time for you.
  • When it doesn’t feel right, there’s a reason for it.

In conclusion:

Let go of expectations you have for people and things will start to shift for you in your life. You’ll notice yourself connecting to others in a different way and you can finally just be PRESENT in the moment. Remember, you always have a choice to keep moving forward when it feels right and to stop when it doesn’t feel right.

If you enjoyed this please like, comment below or share it with a friend who may have a lot of expectations 😀

Love, Sonia