Be Your Superhero

Hi there,

Back in the day, I watched Sailor Moon everyday after school at 4PM btw.  She was a Japanese anime character with two identities. One identity was her regular life as a teenager in high school and the other as Sailor Moon, the superhero. When danger reared its ugly head, she used her inner leader to save the world. I wanted her magic pen that allowed her to change into any outfit she desired. Enough of that though..

What if I told you that the only person standing in your way of your dreams is you? What if I said that the only reason you aren’t making more money is you? What if I told you the only reason you are not experiencing your dream relationship is you?

How do you feel now? Hopeless, frustrated, disappointed, uneasy with the decisions you’ve made along the way. At some point did you stop and look at your life and say to yourself, who’s life am I living anyway? Is the life I’ve created for myself the life I want to be living or one that’s expected of me?

Some may argue that in order to get ahead; you need to have certain things in place before you can do that. You need money, education (possibly a Masters Degree these days), access to people who can connect you with the right people to gain access to incredible opportunities, work very hard to get the corner office on the 21st floor with a fantastic view. To experience the relationship of your dreams, you need to be skinnier, smarter, prettier, wealthier; otherwise, that person you are seeking might not consider you at all. There are A TON of preconceived notions of what you need to live life a certain way because let’s face it; the world is “unfair.”

Want to know a secret? How many of the things you think you want, can honestly say you want that for yourself? I could bet you if you took a look at the things you want to experience in this life, it might look different than what your life “should” be.

Here are some of the things I thought I had wanted before I hit 30:
1. A marriage with children
2. A four bedroom house
3. A leadership role in a large organization
4. The perfect body
5. A stable substantial income each month
6. A summer home
7. Tons of friends who come to my four bedroom home for dinner parties with their partners/husbands

Honestly, the list could go on, but I digress. As you can see, I am not 30 (in a few weeks!), and I am not on my way to marriage anytime soon, owning a four bedroom home, having a second home, or even friends who are married! Does it make me feel sad, frustrated, and disappointed? It sure does. The “should haves” I’ve pointed out are all the expectations I’ve put on myself. These are expectations I thought I should be experiencing at my age and they are a terrible way to look at my life.

It’s an awful feeling to feel like you are not at a certain level of what’s expected of you. And you feel as if you are kind of behind the eight ball. But everyone else is doing it you might say! So there must be something wrong with me if I don’t have any of those things, right?

I knew people in my earlier high school years who married in their early to mid-twenties and had made or on the way to make families. Bought a home, had a 9-5 job and took the vacation with their families once or twice a year. Every time I go to a cousin’s bridal shower or wedding (and I have plenty of relatives), I always get asked where my Mr. Right is, and if I don’t hurry up, it will be too late to live out my happy ending because single does not = happiness. I’ve also had “friends,” say to me, “Ugh I am so glad I’m not single anymore, it’s brutal out there.” What gives people?

What I am learning is that the environment in which I was surrounded by as a child was a tiny population of how the rest of the world lives their lives. We bought into the idea that life comes with a lot of shoulds and if you didn’t have them, you are a failure, so you better hurry up and marry the next guy that approaches you. You also better save all of your money and buy a house at 25 because then what else are you going to do? It’s all rigged by fear.

I had a beautiful young lady ask me the other day if I regret not finding “The One” earlier on in my years as she too is struggling to find a partner in her early twenties. My honest answer was No. I explained to her that if I choose to settle down with any of the men I’ve met along the way, my life would be completely different. I also shared that I always knew I wanted more of a relationship and the prospects around at each stage of my life were not candidates who could give that to me. There was still a lot of internal work to do. Only in my late twenties have I focused on myself and my self-discovery and uncovered what I want to experience in this life. The pressures we feel comes from our family, friends, and what we see on media as “acceptable.” These ideas we buy into are the only way to true happiness as it may seem from an external view.

It takes the time to feel your way through the pain you’ve experienced as a child, to heal and to let go. It also takes, even more time to find out who you are and not what you think you are based on someone else’s beliefs.

You see the thing is, sometimes my Superhero emerges in conversation with people. However, my inner child has me feeling small, hopeless, frustrated, disappointed by any means. It’s an internal conflict, and I am breaking it down.

My Inner Superhero Goes Like This: ( I love Sailor Moon btw)

Sonia, you are a force of nature, fun, flirty, magical, intuitive, authentic, connected and SEXY. You are so sure of what you are looking for, and because of that, you never settled for the first, second, third or even fourth opportunity that came your way. You have a fantastic mindset and understanding of the world in that it is abundant and there are plenty of choices and opportunities available for you. When one door closes, another door opens directing you to your hearts desires. You are mastering your intuition and taking a step back before saying yes to anything that feels less than spectacular. You’ve become conscious of what drains you and what excites you. You know deep down in your heart that you don’t have to settle for anything based on your friends, families, or co-workers opinions. On a larger scale, you are closer to being free of expectations with the gift of flexibility in your life. You are free. You will work on a beach because you’ve always wanted to and it will be even better than you had imagined. You will meet amazing souls all over the world who are kind, warm, loving, safe, intelligent and whom live their lives as if today is the best day of their entire lives. You will be welcomed and invited to something bigger than yourself. You want to transform the lives of others and free them from their expectations of themselves. You can inspire the rest of the world to stand up for themselves and choose things like love, joy, freedom, happiness, connection. It is possible for you to instill confidence and courage back into the world that seems to be forgotten. You just need to be patient. The Universe will test you with shiny things and distract you along the way, and it is your job to know when to say No. Ask, and it shall be received. Your problems will be bigger and harder, and with your resilience, you will overcome each one.

At the end of it all, I want someone to say about me, “She overcame all her limitations she imposed on herself and with that, showed others the way to their true hearts desires.”

You always have a choice. Are you going to continue with the story of being a victim of circumstances or are you going to tell your superhero story? You decide.

Let me know what your story is and send me an email at sgrossi.consulting@gmail.com. I’d love to hear from you and how the shoulds have been running your life.

– Sonia

Your Expectations are Costing you Your Life

“Expectations are the root of all heartache”  – Shakespeare

What happens when you have a certain set of expectations each and every time you take action or step outside of your comfort zone?

Expectations are a slippery slope and can get you into trouble. What do I mean by this?

Sometimes we think that if we do this then we should get something out of it and most of the time, we know exactly what that something looks like before we even enter the situation.

Here are some examples of what I mean:

  1. If we show up to a date for the first time, the person on the other end will automatically like us and will want to be with us right away and show us tons of affection. Trust has not developed at this point.
  2. If we go to a job interview and we “want” the job, we will automatically get it. You are competing against other candidates that want the job just like you.
  3. If we work really hard, work extra hours, and prove ourselves to this person or this company, we will get promoted and be praised for our hard work. Doing these things do NOT guarantee a promotion or praise. Look at the signs and company culture to promote within.
  4. If we keep making the effort with certain people (controlling the outcome) these people will change and want to spend loads of time and effort on us and make us feel special. (like we are chosen) We can’t force people to see in us what we want them to see or appreciate.

One does not equal the other. What feedback are you getting from the Universe about your life? What do people expect of you and what do you expect of them? How is that going for you?

I’ve been told in my past that my expectations were too high and that I “shouldn’t” expect something because of A, B, and C. Fair enough. So why do others expect something from us? We all have different priorities, perceptions, wants and needs so why is it so hard for us not to have expectations. When someone meets our expectations only then we can be happy, right?

Not exactly. Sometimes, we just need to let things be and grow organically. Stop trying to control the situation to be something you want. Stop trying to control the outcome and result because let’s face it, you might be disappointed. NOTE: Not getting the outcome you want does NOT mean you are not good enough to have it. It could mean a number of things, however, self-worth is definitely not one of them. Internalizing that there is something wrong with you because you did not get this thing is not the way to be looking at this. Instead, take a step back and look at the situation for what you learned from it and change your story around it.

When it comes to building relationships with people and building a business with clients, there is something we all need to understand once and for all. I used to be very impatient and wanted everything NOW just because I wanted it. I’ve learned through building my business, dating, and meeting new people that relationship building takes time. Sometimes more time than I’d like it to…

Here are a few things I’ve come to understand that I feel are helpful to share with you if you are someone who has expectations:

Trust is earned not given. Real authentic trust takes time to develop. Building a client base takes time, effort and persistence. Dating is that thing we do to get to know one another and see if we’re a good fit. It takes even more time to build a relationship if that’s what you are looking for and want. Creating new friendships don’t just happen overnight. Friendships take time to develop, needs energy and effort to enrich the bond and discover if you share the same values and interests. That’s not something that can be decided on Day One.

Where is this coming from you might ask?

Let’s just say starting a business truly transforms you and allows you to open up and discover all the habits and thoughts you were once holding onto that were holding you back from what is possible for you. That stuff doesn’t work anymore and when you don’t have a “safety net” of income it’s completely scary. Therefore, you have to unlearn things you’ve been taught in the past and instead learn new things you never even knew existed. In this new way, you are building, creating, developing, exercising confidence muscles that have been broken down from years of conditioning by society, teachers, parents, friends, exes, previous employers etc.

A few of my examples of new lessons:

  • Selling is not what I thought it was. Being who you are, expressing what you believe in and standing for the people you want to serve is how you attract the right clients to you in order to do your most awesome work.
  • It takes a few conversations between you and a potential client to develop trust so that you can really help them.
  • Don’t take things personally.
  • Be who you are and those who don’t agree with you are not meant for you along your journey.
  • Share your story along with hardships and struggles because this is how people relate to you.
  • Anyone who owns a business/company and wants to hire you to do A, B, or C will low ball you at first. Guaranteed. Be prepared to negotiate and know what you want and need before the conversation happens.
  • Help people.
  • Be more giving and open to receiving.
  • Money is a tool. Use it to better yourself.
  • Stepping into your leadership is out of your comfort zone, powerful and totally scary.
  • You do not need to be friends with everyone.
  • Asking for what you are worth is uncomfortable, awkward, and yet totally necessary.
  • Don’t be afraid to walk away.
  • Make time for people who make time for you.
  • When it doesn’t feel right, there’s a reason for it.

In conclusion:

Let go of expectations you have for people and things will start to shift for you in your life. You’ll notice yourself connecting to others in a different way and you can finally just be PRESENT in the moment. Remember, you always have a choice to keep moving forward when it feels right and to stop when it doesn’t feel right.

If you enjoyed this please like, comment below or share it with a friend who may have a lot of expectations 😀

Love, Sonia