Dating 101

In the spirit of MOvember and everything I’ve experienced in my dating life recently, I decided to release this post. If I’m honest (which I am) dating can be an extremely overwhelming, stressful, disappointing and a dull area in our lives to navigate. Now that we have easy access to meet and talk to new people at our fingertips, it can pose discomfort for some of us as we may not be skilled in the areas of talking to people. Yes, I am being serious. Talking to humans is a skill set.

There are a lot of people both men and women I talk to who are single and feeling like crap about it. It’s as if it’s the end of the world because all their friends are getting married, having babies, or in long-term relationships. The race to the finish line is stressful, and with all the seemingly “reasonable” options settling down before our eyes, our options are limited. Or so we are trained to think.

I dedicate this post mainly to men. Women already have Matthew Hussey for that kind of thing, however, I’m open to it. I published a post a while back entitled, “What are men for?” Click here to read It received a lot of attention with men specifically. Random people on Instagram messaged me on my account. People I haven’t spoken to for years commented on the content. I find that there are three types of people in this area who genuinely desire a relationship and in the hopes for one.
1. There is the hopeless, defeated feeling type of human who dates occasionally and hates it.
2. There are the ones who enjoy dating and view dating as an exciting time in their lives. (possibilities are endless) Have fun with it.
3. There are the ones who enjoy their comfort zone a lot (me for a long time) and decide to leave love out of their lives because of 1000 reasons. Time, money, divorced, have kids, been heartbroken before. Whatever the reasons! I have been all three people.

I am now the second btw 😉

Here’s what I want to say that I haven’t said yet. Dating can be fun, exciting, and fulfilling if you know what you are doing. I truly and sincerely mean that. Your end goal doesn’t always need to be a relationship because statistically speaking, most people you meet are not a right fit for a relationship that is truly satisfying and fulfilling and that’s OK.

Often I hear my clients tell me precisely what they want their ideal partners/ideal relationship to look like and feel like and yet their current reality isn’t living up to those standards.

Or I’ll hear, if only it weren’t for this thing it would be perfect and then even after they share this, they go on to tell me, it is what it is, and you have to learn to compromise on things. Otherwise, you’ll always be alone. I agree, no one is perfect, and even though your story is cute and persuasive to a certain extent, I still believe you deserve a big extraordinary love you dream of and desire. Otherwise, what’s it all for? That’s a question to answer for yourself.

Why do people talk like this? I have some theories.

Maybe it’s a fear of not being good enough. Perhaps it’s the fear of being alone and finding someone who fits what you want seems too challenging. Maybe it’s a lack of confidence. Maybe you feel as if that person is “out of your league”. Maybe you just don’t know how to “pick up” women or talk to them. Maybe you don’t have money to date. Maybe you don’t want to be disappointed all over again. Perhaps you feel like you don’t have the time or energy to keep dating new people over and over. Maybe it’s a fear that it’s not possible to be with the person you want to be with. She doesn’t even exist, I’m running out of time, and there must be something wrong with me.

Scarcity mindset runs our lives and allow us to make bad decisions. This is where disappointment comes to play. Just think about all your previous relationships that ended. Most likely they were made due to a fear of scarcity of potential mates to a certain extent. 

These are all very real for people, and I get it. I used to think this way too, and my love life suffered because of it. Start thinking about what are you saying no to and what are you saying yes to? Think about the type of energy you feel when you are on dates with potential mates. What does it feel like?

If you want to chat, comment below or send me an email at sonia@soniagrossi.com and we can talk about your challenges with dating. We will also come up with a plan to get you to where you want to be, and it can look any way you want.

It’s pretty simple really and it can be fun 😉

Love, Sonia

 

 

Be careful what you wish for

Trust me…

I was someone who sincerely believed that I never got what I asked for in life. You know those people. They are the ones who say after winning a prize, “Oh I won!? I never win anything”. When in reality, you know they win stuff all the damn time.

I never thought it was possible to receive everything I had asked for until much reflection as I’ve taken Labour Day weekend to reflect on my career, love life, friendships, and family. I took myself out on dates, went to the CNE, cooked a fabulous dinner that I can now cook for others (Sonia approved), cleaned, took a Yoga class with a fantastic instructor BTW, purchased Fall clothes using my besties discount card, reorganized my wardrobe, Netflix (How to Get Away with Murder released season 3!) and came up with a plan for the last four months of 2017. OMG really! 2017 only has four months left? Didn’t I just celebrate it’s New Years not too long ago?

Anyhoo… I now have proof of how important being specific in life is IF and ONLY IF you take the time to visualize. I have been envisioning what my life is going to look like in the next five years and believe me when I first started these vision board type of exercises; I didn’t even honestly believe my vision party. I was like, OK I want to be successful, making tons of money, have a team to pay, work on contract for multiple organizations, be in a loving relationship, own my own beautiful and expensive loft in Toronto, upgrade my car (I still love my 2012 civic OK), have a six pack of abs, and eat whole grains and seeds throughout the day. Although all available, also a lot of work to get there and my over achiever in me wanted it all at once. The truth is, Sonia isn’t exactly 20 years old anymore, and I only have enough energy in the day to take me so far.

See the fact is that when you start digging deep, learning about yourself, taking the time to understand your triggers and insecurities, looking objectively at your past, failures, and successes only then do you then realize what is really going on.

This is what I learned, when you want something or when you have been asking for something to happen for a long time, I can almost bet on it that you have received what you have asked for. I know this because I have proof and I also have proof from other people I know. Last year when I started my entrepreneurial venture it was hard, to say the least. I was not accustomed to not having an income since I was 16, and at 28 I was making $0 each month. This was a huge struggle because I was pulling from my savings which I had worked my ass off to save for a “house, ” and I didn’t know how long I could continue before I went back into the 9-5 world which was not high on the priority list. However, I prevailed, and I worked on getting clients, built a website, figured out my messaging and how I wanted to train and coach people and organizations. I went to networking events which I never did when I had a 9-5 job and stretched myself to get out there and be someone different. I hired coaches (2), took courses and workshops, I reached out to people I had worked with in my past, I started developing new friendships because let’s face it, I was in need of change, and I had exhausted all of my options.

Fast forward a year later, and I have a contract position training staff on service excellence to a great organization doing wonderful things for people. I have clients who value my training and coaching services. I’m not living off of my savings anymore (yay). I receive positive feedback everywhere I go, and people want more. I’m being asked to facilitate workshops and retreats for leaders, and now it comes far easier than before. Before it was a struggle and now it just flows. Did I think it was possible a year ago? Not so much but I also started asking for what I wanted and low and behold, it comes.

Life happens and moves forward when you believe it will happen. It might not happen tomorrow, but it will happen for you to experience at some point.

Keep in mind, what you ask for and finally receive, you may feel that it isn’t at all that cracked up to be and that’s OK too. It just means that now you have even MORE information to let you know what you do want and you can let go of anything that feels less than spectacular. People don’t like that phrase because they think it sounds selfish and that feeling spectacular doesn’t exist for them. “Who are you to say no to opportunities?” “Psh…saying no to things that seem less than spectacular? That’s ridiculous; you need to pay the bills and get married already.” “You need to grow up now.” I chose a life of ease, abundance, joy, community, love, happiness and being able to share my gifts in the process. The struggle is for those who have a fixed mindset. If you want to move forward in your life Google “growth mindset” because success starts with your thoughts and beliefs. It doesn’t matter what car you drive, what educational background you come from, the family you were born into, but more so, how you train your mind to believe in the possibility that it’s possible for you too.

Here are some essential tips to move areas in your life in the direction you want it to go:

1. Make a list of the following areas in your life, career, money, home, romance, friendships and family, fun and creation, health and well being, personal growth.
2. Write in each section what it is you want.
3. Be specific about what you want and exclude any language that talks about what you don’t want. I’ll give you an example, I want a man who is strong and kind but not selfish and lazy. Here is what the Universe will send you from these thoughts. A man who is might be strong and kind, but also might be selfish, and lazy. Yes, it will happen.
4. Set timelines for when you want these things to happen
5. Take action to make it happen
6. Be patient

And finally. Meditate, go for a walk, drink lots of water, eat better, exercise, travel, spend more time with yourself and be by yourself. Figure out what you want and what you need without people in your ear. Stop reaching out to people because you are bored and don’t have your own life to share with others. Create your own life by doing things you enjoy, this will raise your frequency, and once you do that, anything is game.

Need a boost in life? I’m all ears. Contact me at sonia@soniagrossi.com

-Sonia

 

What’s your dream?

What is important to you?

Are you able to answer the question, “what’s important to you” with real confidence? Or do you hesitate before you answer? What’s the struggle there and what do you think that means?

I began a new journey this past weekend as I completed the first coaching training module of a much larger coaching training certificate program. What’s your dream was the icebreaker question, and we had to answer it on demand with a group of strangers on day one. I felt like a deer in headlights.  I signed up to the course with no expectations because I knew very little about the coaching model and I know others who have pursued their certification with the accredited coaching institution. I trusted myself that I was doing the right thing because I had no fear about how it would be for me. What a great place to start!

Before I signed up for the course, I spoke with the Program Advisor and asked her a few questions about the format and delivery and she kindly responded,  “I hope you are comfortable practicing your new skills in front of a large group, because, that’s how we structure our training.” Since I stand in front of large groups of people educating as a trainer in my day job, I thought, this is going to be easy!

Let me just say I am feeling delighted I made this decision, and it couldn’t align more with who I want to be and how I want to serve in this world. The skills I learned even in a short while are valuable to everyday life and go far beyond coaching. This weekend allowed me to honour my values on leadership, connection, authenticity, vulnerability, support, resourceful, ambitious and leadership. Someone in my class called me a go-getter without me even speaking it into existence. Shhh, it’s also one of my signature programs! How ironic 😀 Level three listening for all you coaches out there was on point this weekend.

It amazed me how much we can pick up on each other by focusing on the person and listening to who they truly are. There were no judgments within the group, and I could tell that by the third day, everyone was just themselves. There was no B.S., and we were all just being. It took a bit of time to get to the point of us feeling connected as we were all being trained on coaching each other and sharing personal information to practice our new skills. I was the first practice coaching client for the whole group, and I cried the entire time. I really made things difficult for them! They call this “Sandbox learning.”  Now reflecting back to the experience it was kind of funny how everyone tried to “fix” the problem and not entirely focused on what I needed… they were completely lost …LOL…

I remember saying a few months ago I never want to cry in front of a large group of strangers both men and women. I said this because I attended a women’s retreat last year and I cried so much opening up about myself, and I wondered if I could have done it if both men and women were there. Well, thank you universe for giving me the opportunity to practice my vulnerability in the best way possible!

Being vulnerable was an important lesson I learned over the weekend because when I expressed how I felt about something that was as real as it could be, others in the room were relating to me even though they may experience it in different ways. I spoke to their souls. Naturally, after the sandbox experience, everyone was open and welcoming, and I felt very comfortable and safe. The elephant in the room was removed, and I created the space just to be myself. It was so liberating and fun.

I’ve done these types of workshops in the past, and it’s something I never regret. It feels different, looks different, and is different than most corporate training programs we attend.

I am excited to use what I learned this past weekend into my coaching and training programs for everyone to enjoy the benefits of experiential learning. Asking the right questions are incredibly powerful, and I’ve already begun changing the way I ask them. I can confidently say I have more clarity than ever before and it took a lot of personal development to get me here.

Here are a few steps that got me here:
1. Let go of expectations
2. Do not assume anything
3. Ask the question
4. Let go of toxic people
5. Say No
6. Say Yes
7. Ask for more money
8. Be anyone you want to be as long as it is authentic
9. Put yourself first
10. F&#@ the rules and what others think

So tell me, what’s your dream? Send me an email or comment below and answer this question. I’d love to hear from you and what you are all about! Xoxo

Sonia