Don’t Mistaken My Kindness as Weakness

Hi there!

It’s mid-January in 2018 ALREADY. Boy did this ever come quickly. I had my first vision board party yesterday with a bunch of incredible women doing amazing things for themselves. These women are not mediocre and far from being ordinary. Being in a room with these types of people light me up and give me, even more, energy and inspiration to work on my goals and dreams.

This post is about how many people mistaken someone’s kindness as weakness. I must say that for a very long portion of my life, my people pleasing tendencies had gotten me into trouble. It’s not an attractive trait, and people can smell it off of you. It’s almost like they have this thought, “hm….weak boundaries, let’s see what I can get from this person.” Since we are all human beings, this type of people pleasing saboteur can, in fact, have you feeling taken advantage of by others if you do not set up proper boundaries. I ran into this repetitive pattern quite often in 2017, and I feel like I finally get it now. Well, there’s always more work to do. We all want to be helpful, supportive, offer our thoughts and opinions, and maybe sometimes unsolicited advice to contribute to being a “good” person. I understand the intentions might be well intended. However, there is a HUGE problem with being too kind to people. I stood up a lot for myself last year which is something I wasn’t necessarily prepared to do. I was taught to put my head down, wait for things to happen and do what people ask of you because you are in some shape or form obligated to do so. In the meantime, work your ass off until it hurts because eventually, it will pay off. The question I could have asked myself earlier on was, what is my payoff?……

Yeah, that didn’t work out for me the way I hoped. I was left feeling depleted, not appreciated or respected, devalued, and always as if I didn’t have enough to bring to the table because I still needed MORE to be successful in my career and love life. Two significant areas of my life btw.

That’s a nice combination of not feeling good enough all the time. No wonder I stepped out of my comfort zone and tried something different than the status quo in the past 1.5 years.

As for 2018, after my creative vision board party, it has offered me two themes.

A few photos of my vision board, hooray!

THEME 1: Saying HELL YES or HELL NO to anything that comes my way. There is no in-between feeling. Anything less than an eight on a scale from 1 – 10 is now a NO decision. Anything eight and above is a HELL YES move forward!

THEME 2: Say No to the Chase and Yes to Receiving. I chased people and jobs for years that offered very little fulfillment, lack of respect, and reciprocity in these relationships. I’m acutely aware now as seeing myself with impact, value, and leadership. Now, I only want to build relationships with people who understand that and who are supportive. There are no games. There is only mutual respect and easy breezy flow. To ME, that’s when I know I am on the right path and moving in the right direction. You can feel it.

There is a ton of power in saying no to opportunities and people that just don’t feel right. Let’s take money as an example since this is a topic everyone can relate to in some shape or form.

Asking for money gets easier over time. When I first started asking for money in my business, the reactions from people were hilarious. Typically, there is an excuse for why people don’t have the money right now to pay you but maybe in two months or three months when things settle down. Or, they may say we don’t have the budget to spend that kind of money for your services but, if you want to do it, and are willing to do it cheaper than we can make that happen! Keep in mind, the people I was asking money for in exchange for my services I was giving WAY too much of my time and free services than I probably should have entertained. My many acts of kindness, weak boundaries, and being SO fixated on the outcome, self-sabotaged because these potential clients did not see me as valuable enough to pay the price points I was asking. Now that also has to do with my mastery of sales at the time which is a work in progress I must say! However, I was too kind, and these acts of kindness were viewed as weakness, and I consistently questioned my worth and value.

How did this leave me feeling? Validating my thoughts and story of I’m not good enough in some way. I also believed that there aren’t enough opportunities to draw from, so I better offer something different and do it anyways.

I needed to experience this recurring pattern consciously over and over again until it became easy to say no and easy to say yes. Now when I ask for money, if the answer is no I move on without disappointment, fear, or anxiety that I won’t be able to make it. I move on powerfully and with energy because I trust that my people are waiting for me to reach out and work together without resistance or fear. (well maybe some fear!) Clients need to WANT to work with you.

The same lessons can be used in dating. I no longer entertain the game. I say yes to men who have respect and are genuine with their actions. Hell, we even have phone conversations instead of “texting.” Texting is majorly dull to me now. Please stop asking me personal questions through a text. I just can’t. I’m not the “nice” girl I used to be because I see myself as someone who deserves a love that feels extraordinary and it’s changed the game entirely for me. When you begin to shift your perspective and learn to say no without fear of scarcity, your life will open up.

If you are a single woman looking for love and tired of swiping right or left, join me on February 8th in Toronto for a women’s love circle. Early bird tickets are on sale now until February 1st.

Click here to RSVP your tickets

Be prepared to be cracked wide open at this women’s love circle and leave with a solid strategy to take your love life to the next level. It’s my mission to help women learn a new way of being in love so they can enjoy the process instead of beating themselves up for the countless disappointments. Find the love you deserve, not what you’ve been taught to justify. I can’t wait to meet you and I am so excited to talk about your LOVE story 🙂

That’s all for now!

xoxo Sonia

Behind the Scenes of the Vortex

What is the vortex?

It’s the place of least resistance. It’s a place where vast amounts of opportunities and people come your way without even trying. It’s a place where people say yes to you in your business. It is when your network reaches out to you because they want to be Coached by you or have a job for you. It is such a fantastic place to be. There is no other place like it, and everything feels synchronous.

I experienced the vortex in full force after a whole weekend of coaching training. I had another one of my life changing training weekends as part of me being a certified co-active coach. As I continue this journey, I have clarity in who I am, what I want for myself and how I want to serve in the world. It takes a lot of work and leadership coaching to uncover your life’s purpose. Greatest investment I made to myself and the skills I learn will help others towards their life purpose.

I finished Fulfillment training on a Sunday, and I fell into the beautiful world of the vortex on Tuesday of that week. It was as if everything I had been asking for came to me on this day. Everything that took SO long to happen all of a sudden was happening, and it was effortless. This is what happens in the vortex. I was in full alignment with what I want for myself, and because of this, the Universe was responding accordingly with little to no effort.

The following happened:

-I was asked to coach three people that day
-Two people referred me to leads in my business
-A friend I wanted to connect with for quite some time messaged me to set up dinner – yay
-Everyone was saying yes to me, and so I continued to take action, and it was as if my life was opening up. All good vibes and positive reinforcement.

You can be in the vortex or out of the vortex depending on where you are vibrationally. I came out of the vortex the next day because I received some bad news and that was all I could focus on for the next 10 hours. When you begin to think negatively or feel wrong, you can bet you’re out of alignment and most likely out of the vortex where things can happen! It’s as if being in the vortex is allowing it to happen.

Picture your life being smooth, breezy, and effortless. You are still taking action towards your larger purpose and not thrown off by the incoming lousy news. Bad news will never go away. Therefore, to stay in the vortex, resiliency will be your best friend.

Sounds delicious, doesn’t it? I am offering a free coaching giveaway to one to two lucky people! It’s called Change Your World Through Your Work three-month coaching program. Click here to learn more about the program.

To enter your name to win,click hereand fill out your details for a chance to win free coaching with me. The deadline to put your name in the ring is December 20th. I will be reaching out to all who applied. I don’t offer free coaching often; however, it is the Holidays 🙂

I look forward to seeing your name in the contest and will reach out.

-Sonia

 

Dating 101

In the spirit of MOvember and everything I’ve experienced in my dating life recently, I decided to release this post. If I’m honest (which I am) dating can be an extremely overwhelming, stressful, disappointing and a dull area in our lives to navigate. Now that we have easy access to meet and talk to new people at our fingertips, it can pose discomfort for some of us as we may not be skilled in the areas of talking to people. Yes, I am being serious. Talking to humans is a skill set.

There are a lot of people both men and women I talk to who are single and feeling like crap about it. It’s as if it’s the end of the world because all their friends are getting married, having babies, or in long-term relationships. The race to the finish line is stressful, and with all the seemingly “reasonable” options settling down before our eyes, our options are limited. Or so we are trained to think.

I dedicate this post mainly to men. Women already have Matthew Hussey for that kind of thing, however, I’m open to it. I published a post a while back entitled, “What are men for?” Click here to read It received a lot of attention with men specifically. Random people on Instagram messaged me on my account. People I haven’t spoken to for years commented on the content. I find that there are three types of people in this area who genuinely desire a relationship and in the hopes for one.
1. There is the hopeless, defeated feeling type of human who dates occasionally and hates it.
2. There are the ones who enjoy dating and view dating as an exciting time in their lives. (possibilities are endless) Have fun with it.
3. There are the ones who enjoy their comfort zone a lot (me for a long time) and decide to leave love out of their lives because of 1000 reasons. Time, money, divorced, have kids, been heartbroken before. Whatever the reasons! I have been all three people.

I am now the second btw 😉

Here’s what I want to say that I haven’t said yet. Dating can be fun, exciting, and fulfilling if you know what you are doing. I truly and sincerely mean that. Your end goal doesn’t always need to be a relationship because statistically speaking, most people you meet are not a right fit for a relationship that is truly satisfying and fulfilling and that’s OK.

Often I hear my clients tell me precisely what they want their ideal partners/ideal relationship to look like and feel like and yet their current reality isn’t living up to those standards.

Or I’ll hear, if only it weren’t for this thing it would be perfect and then even after they share this, they go on to tell me, it is what it is, and you have to learn to compromise on things. Otherwise, you’ll always be alone. I agree, no one is perfect, and even though your story is cute and persuasive to a certain extent, I still believe you deserve a big extraordinary love you dream of and desire. Otherwise, what’s it all for? That’s a question to answer for yourself.

Why do people talk like this? I have some theories.

Maybe it’s a fear of not being good enough. Perhaps it’s the fear of being alone and finding someone who fits what you want seems too challenging. Maybe it’s a lack of confidence. Maybe you feel as if that person is “out of your league”. Maybe you just don’t know how to “pick up” women or talk to them. Maybe you don’t have money to date. Maybe you don’t want to be disappointed all over again. Perhaps you feel like you don’t have the time or energy to keep dating new people over and over. Maybe it’s a fear that it’s not possible to be with the person you want to be with. She doesn’t even exist, I’m running out of time, and there must be something wrong with me.

Scarcity mindset runs our lives and allow us to make bad decisions. This is where disappointment comes to play. Just think about all your previous relationships that ended. Most likely they were made due to a fear of scarcity of potential mates to a certain extent. 

These are all very real for people, and I get it. I used to think this way too, and my love life suffered because of it. Start thinking about what are you saying no to and what are you saying yes to? Think about the type of energy you feel when you are on dates with potential mates. What does it feel like?

If you want to chat, comment below or send me an email at sonia@soniagrossi.com and we can talk about your challenges with dating. We will also come up with a plan to get you to where you want to be, and it can look any way you want.

It’s pretty simple really and it can be fun 😉

Love, Sonia

 

 

You Give Your External World Way Too Much Power

It’s been awhile since I last posted and that’s mostly because there has been a LOT of action I’ve been taking in my life 🙂

Flirting with opportunities, flirting in the dating world ;), taking action on my goals and setting my finances STRAIGHT. Oh and I’ve also taken up tennis lessons which btw I realize I missed my calling. For someone who has NEVER played tennis for 30 years, I am DAMN good as a beginner lol.

Today, I am here to talk to you about how we give a lot of value on the external world around us. What I mean by that is we put a lot of focus and energy on things like:

Money: how much money we make
Career: your job title
Education: your highest education background
Automotive: the car we drive
Relationship Status: married, in a relationship or single
Home: mortgage before 30
Social Media: how many likes on Facebook we have, how many friends or followers we have
Hobbies: Do we have hobbies? Or not?
Fun & Recreation: Do we play sports, hiking, kayaking, gym, yoga

I think you get the point, however, let me go further.

Now the scary part about all of this is that if we do not have the things we thought we’d have by a certain age or we see others have the things we want by our age, we feel sad, helpless, powerless. It’s as if these achievements are not meant for us, or we are not good enough to have them. How many times do I hear my clients talk about all the things their friends have that they do not have yet. Ugh.

We give WAY too much power to our external world. I know this firsthand because I have been doing it for years. The result of this is that I always felt disappointed and unhappy. Yes, I know, the people around you don’t make it any better or easier for that matter. They are the ones telling you that you are running out of time, wasting your time, or your childbearing years are soon coming to an end so just pick one already! The pressure to fit into what the world wants you to be is overwhelming, confusing, and stressful. For real. #truth

I used to put a lot of value on my career and money which is still very important to me. Now that I have discovered my vision and mission, things are much clearer to me. I have a sense of calm, clarity and peace. I genuinely believe in the work that I do and understand that the world desperately needs this work. Regardless of things like budgets, resources, bottom line, and profits. I trust myself more because I know what value I can bring to the world and I see its impact. My impact is intense and its been a powerful movement I’ve witnessed in the past year.

Before I figured this out, I was chasing everything and anything just to get ahead. Spinning my wheels as if I wasn’t progressing, however, moving backward instead. It wasn’t until I recognized the value I had to give was when things began to shift for me. I used to take side jobs left right and center that paid very low because I started to believe that I didn’t have what it takes to impact and lead change. What I forgot about my inner truth was that I am an influential leader who sets people free of themselves. It was not entirely my fault as like I said the world around you creates a lot of unnecessary noise that makes you lose sight of who you are. When that happens, and you begin to believe them, you accept anything. Because something is better than nothing, sound familiar to you?

I said no to my dream job that plenty of people would kill to have because I didn’t want to wait for them to figure their s*#@ out, pay me appropriately, and put me on a full-time salary. It’s a year later, and they just posted for a full-time Manager position looking for someone to manage precisely what I was looking after and the responsibilities I had.

Where am I now though? I’m working with a Toronto Hospital with the most fantastic team I could have ever imagined. I have the flexibility to work on my dream business and movement to help people achieve their dreams and contribute to their larger purpose in life. I visit Universities in Ontario and speak to students, inspire them to think larger than themselves and develop their confidence muscles. The only limitations we have is ourselves. Students are the best!

When you begin to say NO to things that do not serve you or your more significant purpose, your life MOVES. Let me tell you does it ever move forward and pretty damn fast. Say NO to that guy or girl who sucks up your time and energy and isn’t going anywhere just to pass the time until something else better comes along. Say NO to that job that you hate. Say NO to those friends that are small thinkers and get jealous when you succeed. Say NO to the family commitments that no longer matter and say Yes to the ones that do. Say NO to the things that waste your time and energy. It’s all your choice at the end of the day, and no one can make you feel guilty about it, even when they try. You give them that power to feel like crap. Train them otherwise.

This is what focusing on your internal world looks like. Your inner world is who you are, what you value, what you need, your beliefs and perceptions, and your larger purpose in this life. Start to pay attention to how your external world makes you feel. We’ve been trained to accept anything that comes our way, but, you are far more creative and powerful than that. Your power comes from you choosing and going after what you want. Your influence is your impact. Take a look at your world around you, and if it isn’t up to par, you need your inner world to change and refocus.

I can help you refocus your inner world like I have this past year. Your external world will naturally shift and be the way you want and need it be. It takes courage and carefree resiliency to change your inner world, and I can support you through this journey. Are you ready?

Schedule a call with me by clicking here, and let’s talk.

xo Sonia