Dating 101

In the spirit of MOvember and everything I’ve experienced in my dating life recently, I decided to release this post. If I’m honest (which I am) dating can be an extremely overwhelming, stressful, disappointing and a dull area in our lives to navigate. Now that we have easy access to meet and talk to new people at our fingertips, it can pose discomfort for some of us as we may not be skilled in the areas of talking to people. Yes, I am being serious. Talking to humans is a skill set.

There are a lot of people both men and women I talk to who are single and feeling like crap about it. It’s as if it’s the end of the world because all their friends are getting married, having babies, or in long-term relationships. The race to the finish line is stressful, and with all the seemingly “reasonable” options settling down before our eyes, our options are limited. Or so we are trained to think.

I dedicate this post mainly to men. Women already have Matthew Hussey for that kind of thing, however, I’m open to it. I published a post a while back entitled, “What are men for?” Click here to read It received a lot of attention with men specifically. Random people on Instagram messaged me on my account. People I haven’t spoken to for years commented on the content. I find that there are three types of people in this area who genuinely desire a relationship and in the hopes for one.
1. There is the hopeless, defeated feeling type of human who dates occasionally and hates it.
2. There are the ones who enjoy dating and view dating as an exciting time in their lives. (possibilities are endless) Have fun with it.
3. There are the ones who enjoy their comfort zone a lot (me for a long time) and decide to leave love out of their lives because of 1000 reasons. Time, money, divorced, have kids, been heartbroken before. Whatever the reasons! I have been all three people.

I am now the second btw 😉

Here’s what I want to say that I haven’t said yet. Dating can be fun, exciting, and fulfilling if you know what you are doing. I truly and sincerely mean that. Your end goal doesn’t always need to be a relationship because statistically speaking, most people you meet are not a right fit for a relationship that is truly satisfying and fulfilling and that’s OK.

Often I hear my clients tell me precisely what they want their ideal partners/ideal relationship to look like and feel like and yet their current reality isn’t living up to those standards.

Or I’ll hear, if only it weren’t for this thing it would be perfect and then even after they share this, they go on to tell me, it is what it is, and you have to learn to compromise on things. Otherwise, you’ll always be alone. I agree, no one is perfect, and even though your story is cute and persuasive to a certain extent, I still believe you deserve a big extraordinary love you dream of and desire. Otherwise, what’s it all for? That’s a question to answer for yourself.

Why do people talk like this? I have some theories.

Maybe it’s a fear of not being good enough. Perhaps it’s the fear of being alone and finding someone who fits what you want seems too challenging. Maybe it’s a lack of confidence. Maybe you feel as if that person is “out of your league”. Maybe you just don’t know how to “pick up” women or talk to them. Maybe you don’t have money to date. Maybe you don’t want to be disappointed all over again. Perhaps you feel like you don’t have the time or energy to keep dating new people over and over. Maybe it’s a fear that it’s not possible to be with the person you want to be with. She doesn’t even exist, I’m running out of time, and there must be something wrong with me.

Scarcity mindset runs our lives and allow us to make bad decisions. This is where disappointment comes to play. Just think about all your previous relationships that ended. Most likely they were made due to a fear of scarcity of potential mates to a certain extent. 

These are all very real for people, and I get it. I used to think this way too, and my love life suffered because of it. Start thinking about what are you saying no to and what are you saying yes to? Think about the type of energy you feel when you are on dates with potential mates. What does it feel like?

If you want to chat, comment below or send me an email at sonia@soniagrossi.com and we can talk about your challenges with dating. We will also come up with a plan to get you to where you want to be, and it can look any way you want.

It’s pretty simple really and it can be fun 😉

Love, Sonia

 

 

You Give Your External World Way Too Much Power

It’s been awhile since I last posted and that’s mostly because there has been a LOT of action I’ve been taking in my life 🙂

Flirting with opportunities, flirting in the dating world ;), taking action on my goals and setting my finances STRAIGHT. Oh and I’ve also taken up tennis lessons which btw I realize I missed my calling. For someone who has NEVER played tennis for 30 years, I am DAMN good as a beginner lol.

Today, I am here to talk to you about how we give a lot of value on the external world around us. What I mean by that is we put a lot of focus and energy on things like:

Money: how much money we make
Career: your job title
Education: your highest education background
Automotive: the car we drive
Relationship Status: married, in a relationship or single
Home: mortgage before 30
Social Media: how many likes on Facebook we have, how many friends or followers we have
Hobbies: Do we have hobbies? Or not?
Fun & Recreation: Do we play sports, hiking, kayaking, gym, yoga

I think you get the point, however, let me go further.

Now the scary part about all of this is that if we do not have the things we thought we’d have by a certain age or we see others have the things we want by our age, we feel sad, helpless, powerless. It’s as if these achievements are not meant for us, or we are not good enough to have them. How many times do I hear my clients talk about all the things their friends have that they do not have yet. Ugh.

We give WAY too much power to our external world. I know this firsthand because I have been doing it for years. The result of this is that I always felt disappointed and unhappy. Yes, I know, the people around you don’t make it any better or easier for that matter. They are the ones telling you that you are running out of time, wasting your time, or your childbearing years are soon coming to an end so just pick one already! The pressure to fit into what the world wants you to be is overwhelming, confusing, and stressful. For real. #truth

I used to put a lot of value on my career and money which is still very important to me. Now that I have discovered my vision and mission, things are much clearer to me. I have a sense of calm, clarity and peace. I genuinely believe in the work that I do and understand that the world desperately needs this work. Regardless of things like budgets, resources, bottom line, and profits. I trust myself more because I know what value I can bring to the world and I see its impact. My impact is intense and its been a powerful movement I’ve witnessed in the past year.

Before I figured this out, I was chasing everything and anything just to get ahead. Spinning my wheels as if I wasn’t progressing, however, moving backward instead. It wasn’t until I recognized the value I had to give was when things began to shift for me. I used to take side jobs left right and center that paid very low because I started to believe that I didn’t have what it takes to impact and lead change. What I forgot about my inner truth was that I am an influential leader who sets people free of themselves. It was not entirely my fault as like I said the world around you creates a lot of unnecessary noise that makes you lose sight of who you are. When that happens, and you begin to believe them, you accept anything. Because something is better than nothing, sound familiar to you?

I said no to my dream job that plenty of people would kill to have because I didn’t want to wait for them to figure their s*#@ out, pay me appropriately, and put me on a full-time salary. It’s a year later, and they just posted for a full-time Manager position looking for someone to manage precisely what I was looking after and the responsibilities I had.

Where am I now though? I’m working with a Toronto Hospital with the most fantastic team I could have ever imagined. I have the flexibility to work on my dream business and movement to help people achieve their dreams and contribute to their larger purpose in life. I visit Universities in Ontario and speak to students, inspire them to think larger than themselves and develop their confidence muscles. The only limitations we have is ourselves. Students are the best!

When you begin to say NO to things that do not serve you or your more significant purpose, your life MOVES. Let me tell you does it ever move forward and pretty damn fast. Say NO to that guy or girl who sucks up your time and energy and isn’t going anywhere just to pass the time until something else better comes along. Say NO to that job that you hate. Say NO to those friends that are small thinkers and get jealous when you succeed. Say NO to the family commitments that no longer matter and say Yes to the ones that do. Say NO to the things that waste your time and energy. It’s all your choice at the end of the day, and no one can make you feel guilty about it, even when they try. You give them that power to feel like crap. Train them otherwise.

This is what focusing on your internal world looks like. Your inner world is who you are, what you value, what you need, your beliefs and perceptions, and your larger purpose in this life. Start to pay attention to how your external world makes you feel. We’ve been trained to accept anything that comes our way, but, you are far more creative and powerful than that. Your power comes from you choosing and going after what you want. Your influence is your impact. Take a look at your world around you, and if it isn’t up to par, you need your inner world to change and refocus.

I can help you refocus your inner world like I have this past year. Your external world will naturally shift and be the way you want and need it be. It takes courage and carefree resiliency to change your inner world, and I can support you through this journey. Are you ready?

Schedule a call with me by clicking here, and let’s talk.

xo Sonia