You Give Your External World Way Too Much Power

It’s been awhile since I last posted and that’s mostly because there has been a LOT of action I’ve been taking in my life 🙂

Flirting with opportunities, flirting in the dating world ;), taking action on my goals and setting my finances STRAIGHT. Oh and I’ve also taken up tennis lessons which btw I realize I missed my calling. For someone who has NEVER played tennis for 30 years, I am DAMN good as a beginner lol.

Today, I am here to talk to you about how we give a lot of value on the external world around us. What I mean by that is we put a lot of focus and energy on things like:

Money: how much money we make
Career: your job title
Education: your highest education background
Automotive: the car we drive
Relationship Status: married, in a relationship or single
Home: mortgage before 30
Social Media: how many likes on Facebook we have, how many friends or followers we have
Hobbies: Do we have hobbies? Or not?
Fun & Recreation: Do we play sports, hiking, kayaking, gym, yoga

I think you get the point, however, let me go further.

Now the scary part about all of this is that if we do not have the things we thought we’d have by a certain age or we see others have the things we want by our age, we feel sad, helpless, powerless. It’s as if these achievements are not meant for us, or we are not good enough to have them. How many times do I hear my clients talk about all the things their friends have that they do not have yet. Ugh.

We give WAY too much power to our external world. I know this firsthand because I have been doing it for years. The result of this is that I always felt disappointed and unhappy. Yes, I know, the people around you don’t make it any better or easier for that matter. They are the ones telling you that you are running out of time, wasting your time, or your childbearing years are soon coming to an end so just pick one already! The pressure to fit into what the world wants you to be is overwhelming, confusing, and stressful. For real. #truth

I used to put a lot of value on my career and money which is still very important to me. Now that I have discovered my vision and mission, things are much clearer to me. I have a sense of calm, clarity and peace. I genuinely believe in the work that I do and understand that the world desperately needs this work. Regardless of things like budgets, resources, bottom line, and profits. I trust myself more because I know what value I can bring to the world and I see its impact. My impact is intense and its been a powerful movement I’ve witnessed in the past year.

Before I figured this out, I was chasing everything and anything just to get ahead. Spinning my wheels as if I wasn’t progressing, however, moving backward instead. It wasn’t until I recognized the value I had to give was when things began to shift for me. I used to take side jobs left right and center that paid very low because I started to believe that I didn’t have what it takes to impact and lead change. What I forgot about my inner truth was that I am an influential leader who sets people free of themselves. It was not entirely my fault as like I said the world around you creates a lot of unnecessary noise that makes you lose sight of who you are. When that happens, and you begin to believe them, you accept anything. Because something is better than nothing, sound familiar to you?

I said no to my dream job that plenty of people would kill to have because I didn’t want to wait for them to figure their s*#@ out, pay me appropriately, and put me on a full-time salary. It’s a year later, and they just posted for a full-time Manager position looking for someone to manage precisely what I was looking after and the responsibilities I had.

Where am I now though? I’m working with a Toronto Hospital with the most fantastic team I could have ever imagined. I have the flexibility to work on my dream business and movement to help people achieve their dreams and contribute to their larger purpose in life. I visit Universities in Ontario and speak to students, inspire them to think larger than themselves and develop their confidence muscles. The only limitations we have is ourselves. Students are the best!

When you begin to say NO to things that do not serve you or your more significant purpose, your life MOVES. Let me tell you does it ever move forward and pretty damn fast. Say NO to that guy or girl who sucks up your time and energy and isn’t going anywhere just to pass the time until something else better comes along. Say NO to that job that you hate. Say NO to those friends that are small thinkers and get jealous when you succeed. Say NO to the family commitments that no longer matter and say Yes to the ones that do. Say NO to the things that waste your time and energy. It’s all your choice at the end of the day, and no one can make you feel guilty about it, even when they try. You give them that power to feel like crap. Train them otherwise.

This is what focusing on your internal world looks like. Your inner world is who you are, what you value, what you need, your beliefs and perceptions, and your larger purpose in this life. Start to pay attention to how your external world makes you feel. We’ve been trained to accept anything that comes our way, but, you are far more creative and powerful than that. Your power comes from you choosing and going after what you want. Your influence is your impact. Take a look at your world around you, and if it isn’t up to par, you need your inner world to change and refocus.

I can help you refocus your inner world like I have this past year. Your external world will naturally shift and be the way you want and need it be. It takes courage and carefree resiliency to change your inner world, and I can support you through this journey. Are you ready?

Schedule a call with me by clicking here, and let’s talk.

xo Sonia

 

What’s your batting average?

Is your batting average a big fat zero? Or a nice .400? In baseball, if you are hitting at .400%, you are the all-time MVP. Trust me.

I’m calling the next chapter of my life; Nothing to Lose.

I spent a lot of time not taking action on the things that are most important to me. The things that mattered to me. The areas in my life I thought was a distant dream but one day would be my reality. Mostly, I wasn’t aware of what was important to me and because I was too busy people pleasing everyone else around me and supporting them with their goals. #peoplepleaser and #rescuer. Now at the big 3 – 0, I realize that I am over a hump of leaving my life to chance. Because leaving it to chance doesn’t work for me and adulting is HARD lol.

I recently had a great call with my Leadership Coach on dating. I am ready to get back in the game and start hitting again.(baseball reference people) To do this, you need to get out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there. Ugh. FEAR. LOL. So I started thinking about what I want? What do I want out of this? What’s going to work for me right now? Now that that’s clearer, how I do make it happen? So I came up with a dating strategy to meet new, fun, exciting, and intelligent men. I uncovered old beliefs and changed them to new beliefs. I worked on my mindset and emotional state so that when I meet these fascinating individuals, I have an open mind and I can connect better and have fun. Roll with the punches. Let’s just say that mindset has been the biggest shift for me because I already see the change in how I interact with men available in my life. It’s not about the end goal because I am looking for genuine friendships and connection. Simple.

All that to say, this area of my life is moving, shifting, and FAR MORE enjoyable than before. Thank Goodness!

My message here is not necessarily about dating, but, more importantly, about the action you take in your life. Just like any other area of your life whether it be career, money, friendships, love, real estate, the hard truth is that the less action you take, the fewer results you see. It’s not ALWAYS personal. Being resilient is going to help you big time to move your life in a direction and steer appropriately when necessary.

Here are some scenarios where your “outcome” or “expectation” will not help you and might stop you in your tracks of taking more action.

1. Applying for a job you are 100% qualified for and go through the entire interview process only to find out the employer offered the job to someone who didn’t have half the skills you did? WTF.
2. Starting a business with the expectation that you’ll make 15K in the first three months without any relationship pipelines developed. Yeah, this takes some work.
3. Putting it out there that you are interested in someone cute only to find out they have a partner or worse, they just don’t like you. Ouch.
4. Expecting your family to be more understanding and just get you one day. Expecting them to be different. #probablynot
5. Buying a home in Toronto without any plan to save for a down payment. There is no hashtag for this one.

Anyways, in my next chapter, I am exploring opportunities and saying YES. Situations that scare the hell outta me. Taking action on my dreams rather than sitting back and saying, well one day it’s going to happen right?

Discover what you want (this involves some thinking), make a plan with some action items and timelines, do the action items and see how it goes. Didn’t meet your “expectation”? That’s alright, hug yourself, be kind to yourself, and try again 🙂 Forget about your fears, limitations, expectations, or assumptions. Leadership is about taking action and being OK when you fail. Failure is going to be the most valuable lesson you will ever learn throughout your life and it will teach you what you need to do. So go out there and fail a little bit!

Tired of batting at 0? I know I was and that was a signal for me to do something about it. If you need help in uncovering your expectations, fears, beliefs, and assumptions are in your life and how these are holding you back, send me an email at sonia@soniagrossi.com, and we can talk. I work with people who want to thrive and evolve through a transformation to become a hero of their own story.

-Sonia

Who you are is how you want to feel and who you are being

Who you are is how you want to feel and who you are being

What types of feelings are you experiencing right now?

Are you feeling stressed, overwhelmed, frustrated, angry, resentment? As if things aren’t going your way?

OR

Are you feeling happy, breezy, excited, brilliant, sexy? Are you dating, have a great career or business, and feel like nothing can stop you?

I don’t know about you, but, if you are one of those people who constantly tells the story of how overwhelmed you are, than most likely, your life is in chaos and everything from your career or business to relationships are impacted by it and not for the better.

I can’t stand it when people say they are “overwhelmed” even though I used to be one of them. I never used the word overwhelmed, however, I was definitely angry at a lot of things in my life and so my life was a bit of a mess and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Better yet, I thought it was always because of me. This is only partly true 😉

I was recently asked to do an exercise by my Coach and write down how I want to feel in my life. I jotted down a ton of different feelings that resonated for me and broke it down even further.  (This exercise took some time to do, contact me to find out what this is all about!) Anyhow, ever since I completed the exercise, things instantly began to shift for me. Keep in mind I’ve been working with my Coach for awhile so it took some time to even get to this point. My life began a different kind of journey. I showed up as a Leader in interviews and with clients. I was able to Connect with people far better than before. I was Flirtatious and Confident. My life felt Easy and Breezy. I felt Free.  (Words in bold are some of the feelings I wrote down) It was as if all this time, I was looking at life with a different set of lens and NOW, with this new set of lens, I was enhancing every experience in my life. One of the perks of figuring this all out is that you don’t compare yourself to others anymore or at least don’t even care!

Life does not respond positively to you when you feel stressed, overwhelmed, and angry. You will feel tight, constricted and I’m sure with these feelings there is more than one area in your life completely unfulfilled. Misery loves company. Life does not also respond to you the way you want it to. Even if you made all the “right moves” and you studied real hard, spent all this money on your MBA, and are a good person it still does not guarantee for life to respond the way you want it to. You are not entitled to anything just because you’ve done or have certain things already. What I do know is that changing your mindset first is the very most important and necessary thing to do before ANYTHING else. If you want to be living a different life than the one you are living now, there’s some work to do friend and believe me it’s not going to be easy.

I hear my clients talk about what to do with their female friendships. A great barometer for realizing that certain people do not align with who you are is how people make you FEEL. I used to have a number of friends who were very close social circles. Think of mean girls kind of clique. It was filled with joyous drama, jealousy, envy, toxic behaviour and gossip on all fronts. Tons of miscommunication and dramatic arguments over things I cannot recall anymore. I really had to step back and say to myself is this who I am? Do I fit in here? Is this worth it? Or am I meant to have friendships with women who are kind and genuine, positive and supportive, fun and invest in the friendship genuinely? Yeah – I’ll choose girlfriends of the latter thanks!

So that’s what I did and I never looked back. Let go of friends that no longer served me and had different values than I. Now, I feel Connected in my friendships. Remember – connected was one of my feelings. I feel that my friendships are genuine and full of love and support. The real kind of friendships I’ve always wanted, but, never thought it was possible. I also had hard conversations with long-term friends which resulted in growing the relationship further and enriching the friendship. Sometimes you need a little bit of courage to have these conversations AND the practice in how to communicate the difficult things in a healthy way. What’s the result of this? Two friends wanting to improve the friendship and having the “hard” conversation to do so. It’s called being an adult and no one is really at fault.

Friendships are just one example of figuring out what’s going on and what your life is telling you.

What else feels off for you?

If you or someone you know is feeling confused in finding out who you/they are and what you/they want, please send me an email and we’ll talk about it. I’d love to help you on the right path that feels exactly how you want to feel.

Love, Sonia