Don’t Mistaken My Kindness as Weakness

Hi there!

It’s mid-January in 2018 ALREADY. Boy did this ever come quickly. I had my first vision board party yesterday with a bunch of incredible women doing amazing things for themselves. These women are not mediocre and far from being ordinary. Being in a room with these types of people light me up and give me, even more, energy and inspiration to work on my goals and dreams.

This post is about how many people mistaken someone’s kindness as weakness. I must say that for a very long portion of my life, my people pleasing tendencies had gotten me into trouble. It’s not an attractive trait, and people can smell it off of you. It’s almost like they have this thought, “hm….weak boundaries, let’s see what I can get from this person.” Since we are all human beings, this type of people pleasing saboteur can, in fact, have you feeling taken advantage of by others if you do not set up proper boundaries. I ran into this repetitive pattern quite often in 2017, and I feel like I finally get it now. Well, there’s always more work to do. We all want to be helpful, supportive, offer our thoughts and opinions, and maybe sometimes unsolicited advice to contribute to being a “good” person. I understand the intentions might be well intended. However, there is a HUGE problem with being too kind to people. I stood up a lot for myself last year which is something I wasn’t necessarily prepared to do. I was taught to put my head down, wait for things to happen and do what people ask of you because you are in some shape or form obligated to do so. In the meantime, work your ass off until it hurts because eventually, it will pay off. The question I could have asked myself earlier on was, what is my payoff?……

Yeah, that didn’t work out for me the way I hoped. I was left feeling depleted, not appreciated or respected, devalued, and always as if I didn’t have enough to bring to the table because I still needed MORE to be successful in my career and love life. Two significant areas of my life btw.

That’s a nice combination of not feeling good enough all the time. No wonder I stepped out of my comfort zone and tried something different than the status quo in the past 1.5 years.

As for 2018, after my creative vision board party, it has offered me two themes.

A few photos of my vision board, hooray!

THEME 1: Saying HELL YES or HELL NO to anything that comes my way. There is no in-between feeling. Anything less than an eight on a scale from 1 – 10 is now a NO decision. Anything eight and above is a HELL YES move forward!

THEME 2: Say No to the Chase and Yes to Receiving. I chased people and jobs for years that offered very little fulfillment, lack of respect, and reciprocity in these relationships. I’m acutely aware now as seeing myself with impact, value, and leadership. Now, I only want to build relationships with people who understand that and who are supportive. There are no games. There is only mutual respect and easy breezy flow. To ME, that’s when I know I am on the right path and moving in the right direction. You can feel it.

There is a ton of power in saying no to opportunities and people that just don’t feel right. Let’s take money as an example since this is a topic everyone can relate to in some shape or form.

Asking for money gets easier over time. When I first started asking for money in my business, the reactions from people were hilarious. Typically, there is an excuse for why people don’t have the money right now to pay you but maybe in two months or three months when things settle down. Or, they may say we don’t have the budget to spend that kind of money for your services but, if you want to do it, and are willing to do it cheaper than we can make that happen! Keep in mind, the people I was asking money for in exchange for my services I was giving WAY too much of my time and free services than I probably should have entertained. My many acts of kindness, weak boundaries, and being SO fixated on the outcome, self-sabotaged because these potential clients did not see me as valuable enough to pay the price points I was asking. Now that also has to do with my mastery of sales at the time which is a work in progress I must say! However, I was too kind, and these acts of kindness were viewed as weakness, and I consistently questioned my worth and value.

How did this leave me feeling? Validating my thoughts and story of I’m not good enough in some way. I also believed that there aren’t enough opportunities to draw from, so I better offer something different and do it anyways.

I needed to experience this recurring pattern consciously over and over again until it became easy to say no and easy to say yes. Now when I ask for money, if the answer is no I move on without disappointment, fear, or anxiety that I won’t be able to make it. I move on powerfully and with energy because I trust that my people are waiting for me to reach out and work together without resistance or fear. (well maybe some fear!) Clients need to WANT to work with you.

The same lessons can be used in dating. I no longer entertain the game. I say yes to men who have respect and are genuine with their actions. Hell, we even have phone conversations instead of “texting.” Texting is majorly dull to me now. Please stop asking me personal questions through a text. I just can’t. I’m not the “nice” girl I used to be because I see myself as someone who deserves a love that feels extraordinary and it’s changed the game entirely for me. When you begin to shift your perspective and learn to say no without fear of scarcity, your life will open up.

If you are a single woman looking for love and tired of swiping right or left, join me on February 8th in Toronto for a women’s love circle. Early bird tickets are on sale now until February 1st.

Click here to RSVP your tickets

Be prepared to be cracked wide open at this women’s love circle and leave with a solid strategy to take your love life to the next level. It’s my mission to help women learn a new way of being in love so they can enjoy the process instead of beating themselves up for the countless disappointments. Find the love you deserve, not what you’ve been taught to justify. I can’t wait to meet you and I am so excited to talk about your LOVE story 🙂

That’s all for now!

xoxo Sonia

You can try doing it on your own, but you don’t have to

Hi there and welcome 2018!

I decided not to write the official New Years post sharing what I learned and what I intend to do for 2018 because let’s face it, it’s overkill.

Instead, I wanted to write about the art of asking for help because I’ve thought a lot about this lately. People are afraid to ask for help in their career or personal lives.  I know tons of people who aren’t very good at this, and they have their reasons why they don’t ask for help. I used to be one of these people. I didn’t ask for help because I thought it made me look weak or it always came with an expectation of some sort, and it wasn’t worth it. So I didn’t ask for help, and I didn’t get the results I wanted for a long time. Building your team of supporters or “board of directors” to help you along this life journey is super important. It goes well beyond your family, partner/relationship, and friends.

I have been getting real curious about people, and I am seeing that there is some belief that is holding them back from growing in areas of their lives. It’s interesting to see how much we limit ourselves because of that THING or few things! I often hear people say, “oh when things settle down.” “when I finish this project, then I’ll do that thing.” ” I am already spending X amount of dollars, and I don’t have the money to invest in that right now.”  “My experience has been negative which means that I can’t do it because I will have the same result.” “I’m giving my partner X amount of time to show me their commitment to me because it’s too early.” Blah blah blah, excuses, excuses, excuses. We come with a list of excuses for why we can’t do something, or why it’s not the right time to spend the money and invest in ourselves, and we even give reasons for others to excuse certain behaviours. It’s a problem, indeed. Playing the waiting game wastes the time you have now and limits you from reaching your dreams and experiencing life in a new way.

We need to get better at asking for help because this is one strategy out of many that have contributed to my success in the past year (there you go, one for 2017!)

Here are some ideas:

1. Hire a Coach – at some point with the ever-changing workforce, lots of professionals will be seeking out a Coach to help create new ways to live their lives on purpose and fulfilled. You are in luck. I am a Leadership Coach and here is a link to my solo coaching programs and packages. If you are still not convinced, I invite you to read this recent blog post on why you should hire a Coach in 2018. Click here.
2. Look for a Mentor and ASK someone to Mentor you. A Mentor should be someone who is doing something you already want to be doing. Interview a few to get a sense of who you vibe with and trust.
3. Get curious about people and ask them how they got to be doing what they are doing now. One step further, ask them why! Developing these kinds of relationships will build your pipelines where you can access at any point for help.
4. If you are single, ask your peeps if they know of any cute single people you can date. Get out there and practice people! As a happily single woman, I am telling you, people need the practice. That goes for men and women. I have a coaching program for men specifically on dating. Click here to find out how we can work together.
5. Ask people in your network if they know of any job opportunities or volunteer opportunities and if they can refer you to someone to speak to about it.

Above all, go for no. Don’t expect people to say yes to you just because you asked. You may find most people will say no to you with a tiny few that can help you out and say yes to you. Learning from your rejections will help you in the future when you are asking for that raise or promotion as an example or in your sales conversations if you own a business.  Going for no and hearing no will build your confidence and strengthen your resiliency. Why do you need to do that? Because when people say YES to you, the possibilities and opportunities that come from that are now available to you. You’ll have the courage to have difficult conversations, quit your job, ask out that attractive person at the coffee shop and the Universe will respond to this new person you are in ways you never imagined.

“If you aren’t rejected often, you aren’t trying very hard.”

Schedule a complimentary coaching call with me if you are ready to change your life without excuses. Be vulnerable enough to trust me to get you where you want to be.

-Leadership Coach, Sonia Grossi

 

Behind the Scenes of the Vortex

What is the vortex?

It’s the place of least resistance. It’s a place where vast amounts of opportunities and people come your way without even trying. It’s a place where people say yes to you in your business. It is when your network reaches out to you because they want to be Coached by you or have a job for you. It is such a fantastic place to be. There is no other place like it, and everything feels synchronous.

I experienced the vortex in full force after a whole weekend of coaching training. I had another one of my life changing training weekends as part of me being a certified co-active coach. As I continue this journey, I have clarity in who I am, what I want for myself and how I want to serve in the world. It takes a lot of work and leadership coaching to uncover your life’s purpose. Greatest investment I made to myself and the skills I learn will help others towards their life purpose.

I finished Fulfillment training on a Sunday, and I fell into the beautiful world of the vortex on Tuesday of that week. It was as if everything I had been asking for came to me on this day. Everything that took SO long to happen all of a sudden was happening, and it was effortless. This is what happens in the vortex. I was in full alignment with what I want for myself, and because of this, the Universe was responding accordingly with little to no effort.

The following happened:

-I was asked to coach three people that day
-Two people referred me to leads in my business
-A friend I wanted to connect with for quite some time messaged me to set up dinner – yay
-Everyone was saying yes to me, and so I continued to take action, and it was as if my life was opening up. All good vibes and positive reinforcement.

You can be in the vortex or out of the vortex depending on where you are vibrationally. I came out of the vortex the next day because I received some bad news and that was all I could focus on for the next 10 hours. When you begin to think negatively or feel wrong, you can bet you’re out of alignment and most likely out of the vortex where things can happen! It’s as if being in the vortex is allowing it to happen.

Picture your life being smooth, breezy, and effortless. You are still taking action towards your larger purpose and not thrown off by the incoming lousy news. Bad news will never go away. Therefore, to stay in the vortex, resiliency will be your best friend.

Sounds delicious, doesn’t it? I am offering a free coaching giveaway to one to two lucky people! It’s called Change Your World Through Your Work three-month coaching program. Click here to learn more about the program.

To enter your name to win,click hereand fill out your details for a chance to win free coaching with me. The deadline to put your name in the ring is December 20th. I will be reaching out to all who applied. I don’t offer free coaching often; however, it is the Holidays 🙂

I look forward to seeing your name in the contest and will reach out.

-Sonia

 

Dating 101

In the spirit of MOvember and everything I’ve experienced in my dating life recently, I decided to release this post. If I’m honest (which I am) dating can be an extremely overwhelming, stressful, disappointing and a dull area in our lives to navigate. Now that we have easy access to meet and talk to new people at our fingertips, it can pose discomfort for some of us as we may not be skilled in the areas of talking to people. Yes, I am being serious. Talking to humans is a skill set.

There are a lot of people both men and women I talk to who are single and feeling like crap about it. It’s as if it’s the end of the world because all their friends are getting married, having babies, or in long-term relationships. The race to the finish line is stressful, and with all the seemingly “reasonable” options settling down before our eyes, our options are limited. Or so we are trained to think.

I dedicate this post mainly to men. Women already have Matthew Hussey for that kind of thing, however, I’m open to it. I published a post a while back entitled, “What are men for?” Click here to read It received a lot of attention with men specifically. Random people on Instagram messaged me on my account. People I haven’t spoken to for years commented on the content. I find that there are three types of people in this area who genuinely desire a relationship and in the hopes for one.
1. There is the hopeless, defeated feeling type of human who dates occasionally and hates it.
2. There are the ones who enjoy dating and view dating as an exciting time in their lives. (possibilities are endless) Have fun with it.
3. There are the ones who enjoy their comfort zone a lot (me for a long time) and decide to leave love out of their lives because of 1000 reasons. Time, money, divorced, have kids, been heartbroken before. Whatever the reasons! I have been all three people.

I am now the second btw 😉

Here’s what I want to say that I haven’t said yet. Dating can be fun, exciting, and fulfilling if you know what you are doing. I truly and sincerely mean that. Your end goal doesn’t always need to be a relationship because statistically speaking, most people you meet are not a right fit for a relationship that is truly satisfying and fulfilling and that’s OK.

Often I hear my clients tell me precisely what they want their ideal partners/ideal relationship to look like and feel like and yet their current reality isn’t living up to those standards.

Or I’ll hear, if only it weren’t for this thing it would be perfect and then even after they share this, they go on to tell me, it is what it is, and you have to learn to compromise on things. Otherwise, you’ll always be alone. I agree, no one is perfect, and even though your story is cute and persuasive to a certain extent, I still believe you deserve a big extraordinary love you dream of and desire. Otherwise, what’s it all for? That’s a question to answer for yourself.

Why do people talk like this? I have some theories.

Maybe it’s a fear of not being good enough. Perhaps it’s the fear of being alone and finding someone who fits what you want seems too challenging. Maybe it’s a lack of confidence. Maybe you feel as if that person is “out of your league”. Maybe you just don’t know how to “pick up” women or talk to them. Maybe you don’t have money to date. Maybe you don’t want to be disappointed all over again. Perhaps you feel like you don’t have the time or energy to keep dating new people over and over. Maybe it’s a fear that it’s not possible to be with the person you want to be with. She doesn’t even exist, I’m running out of time, and there must be something wrong with me.

Scarcity mindset runs our lives and allow us to make bad decisions. This is where disappointment comes to play. Just think about all your previous relationships that ended. Most likely they were made due to a fear of scarcity of potential mates to a certain extent. 

These are all very real for people, and I get it. I used to think this way too, and my love life suffered because of it. Start thinking about what are you saying no to and what are you saying yes to? Think about the type of energy you feel when you are on dates with potential mates. What does it feel like?

If you want to chat, comment below or send me an email at sonia@soniagrossi.com and we can talk about your challenges with dating. We will also come up with a plan to get you to where you want to be, and it can look any way you want.

It’s pretty simple really and it can be fun 😉

Love, Sonia

 

 

You Give Your External World Way Too Much Power

It’s been awhile since I last posted and that’s mostly because there has been a LOT of action I’ve been taking in my life 🙂

Flirting with opportunities, flirting in the dating world ;), taking action on my goals and setting my finances STRAIGHT. Oh and I’ve also taken up tennis lessons which btw I realize I missed my calling. For someone who has NEVER played tennis for 30 years, I am DAMN good as a beginner lol.

Today, I am here to talk to you about how we give a lot of value on the external world around us. What I mean by that is we put a lot of focus and energy on things like:

Money: how much money we make
Career: your job title
Education: your highest education background
Automotive: the car we drive
Relationship Status: married, in a relationship or single
Home: mortgage before 30
Social Media: how many likes on Facebook we have, how many friends or followers we have
Hobbies: Do we have hobbies? Or not?
Fun & Recreation: Do we play sports, hiking, kayaking, gym, yoga

I think you get the point, however, let me go further.

Now the scary part about all of this is that if we do not have the things we thought we’d have by a certain age or we see others have the things we want by our age, we feel sad, helpless, powerless. It’s as if these achievements are not meant for us, or we are not good enough to have them. How many times do I hear my clients talk about all the things their friends have that they do not have yet. Ugh.

We give WAY too much power to our external world. I know this firsthand because I have been doing it for years. The result of this is that I always felt disappointed and unhappy. Yes, I know, the people around you don’t make it any better or easier for that matter. They are the ones telling you that you are running out of time, wasting your time, or your childbearing years are soon coming to an end so just pick one already! The pressure to fit into what the world wants you to be is overwhelming, confusing, and stressful. For real. #truth

I used to put a lot of value on my career and money which is still very important to me. Now that I have discovered my vision and mission, things are much clearer to me. I have a sense of calm, clarity and peace. I genuinely believe in the work that I do and understand that the world desperately needs this work. Regardless of things like budgets, resources, bottom line, and profits. I trust myself more because I know what value I can bring to the world and I see its impact. My impact is intense and its been a powerful movement I’ve witnessed in the past year.

Before I figured this out, I was chasing everything and anything just to get ahead. Spinning my wheels as if I wasn’t progressing, however, moving backward instead. It wasn’t until I recognized the value I had to give was when things began to shift for me. I used to take side jobs left right and center that paid very low because I started to believe that I didn’t have what it takes to impact and lead change. What I forgot about my inner truth was that I am an influential leader who sets people free of themselves. It was not entirely my fault as like I said the world around you creates a lot of unnecessary noise that makes you lose sight of who you are. When that happens, and you begin to believe them, you accept anything. Because something is better than nothing, sound familiar to you?

I said no to my dream job that plenty of people would kill to have because I didn’t want to wait for them to figure their s*#@ out, pay me appropriately, and put me on a full-time salary. It’s a year later, and they just posted for a full-time Manager position looking for someone to manage precisely what I was looking after and the responsibilities I had.

Where am I now though? I’m working with a Toronto Hospital with the most fantastic team I could have ever imagined. I have the flexibility to work on my dream business and movement to help people achieve their dreams and contribute to their larger purpose in life. I visit Universities in Ontario and speak to students, inspire them to think larger than themselves and develop their confidence muscles. The only limitations we have is ourselves. Students are the best!

When you begin to say NO to things that do not serve you or your more significant purpose, your life MOVES. Let me tell you does it ever move forward and pretty damn fast. Say NO to that guy or girl who sucks up your time and energy and isn’t going anywhere just to pass the time until something else better comes along. Say NO to that job that you hate. Say NO to those friends that are small thinkers and get jealous when you succeed. Say NO to the family commitments that no longer matter and say Yes to the ones that do. Say NO to the things that waste your time and energy. It’s all your choice at the end of the day, and no one can make you feel guilty about it, even when they try. You give them that power to feel like crap. Train them otherwise.

This is what focusing on your internal world looks like. Your inner world is who you are, what you value, what you need, your beliefs and perceptions, and your larger purpose in this life. Start to pay attention to how your external world makes you feel. We’ve been trained to accept anything that comes our way, but, you are far more creative and powerful than that. Your power comes from you choosing and going after what you want. Your influence is your impact. Take a look at your world around you, and if it isn’t up to par, you need your inner world to change and refocus.

I can help you refocus your inner world like I have this past year. Your external world will naturally shift and be the way you want and need it be. It takes courage and carefree resiliency to change your inner world, and I can support you through this journey. Are you ready?

Schedule a call with me by clicking here, and let’s talk.

xo Sonia

 

What’s your batting average?

Is your batting average a big fat zero? Or a nice .400? In baseball, if you are hitting at .400%, you are the all-time MVP. Trust me.

I’m calling the next chapter of my life; Nothing to Lose.

I spent a lot of time not taking action on the things that are most important to me. The things that mattered to me. The areas in my life I thought was a distant dream but one day would be my reality. Mostly, I wasn’t aware of what was important to me and because I was too busy people pleasing everyone else around me and supporting them with their goals. #peoplepleaser and #rescuer. Now at the big 3 – 0, I realize that I am over a hump of leaving my life to chance. Because leaving it to chance doesn’t work for me and adulting is HARD lol.

I recently had a great call with my Leadership Coach on dating. I am ready to get back in the game and start hitting again.(baseball reference people) To do this, you need to get out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there. Ugh. FEAR. LOL. So I started thinking about what I want? What do I want out of this? What’s going to work for me right now? Now that that’s clearer, how I do make it happen? So I came up with a dating strategy to meet new, fun, exciting, and intelligent men. I uncovered old beliefs and changed them to new beliefs. I worked on my mindset and emotional state so that when I meet these fascinating individuals, I have an open mind and I can connect better and have fun. Roll with the punches. Let’s just say that mindset has been the biggest shift for me because I already see the change in how I interact with men available in my life. It’s not about the end goal because I am looking for genuine friendships and connection. Simple.

All that to say, this area of my life is moving, shifting, and FAR MORE enjoyable than before. Thank Goodness!

My message here is not necessarily about dating, but, more importantly, about the action you take in your life. Just like any other area of your life whether it be career, money, friendships, love, real estate, the hard truth is that the less action you take, the fewer results you see. It’s not ALWAYS personal. Being resilient is going to help you big time to move your life in a direction and steer appropriately when necessary.

Here are some scenarios where your “outcome” or “expectation” will not help you and might stop you in your tracks of taking more action.

1. Applying for a job you are 100% qualified for and go through the entire interview process only to find out the employer offered the job to someone who didn’t have half the skills you did? WTF.
2. Starting a business with the expectation that you’ll make 15K in the first three months without any relationship pipelines developed. Yeah, this takes some work.
3. Putting it out there that you are interested in someone cute only to find out they have a partner or worse, they just don’t like you. Ouch.
4. Expecting your family to be more understanding and just get you one day. Expecting them to be different. #probablynot
5. Buying a home in Toronto without any plan to save for a down payment. There is no hashtag for this one.

Anyways, in my next chapter, I am exploring opportunities and saying YES. Situations that scare the hell outta me. Taking action on my dreams rather than sitting back and saying, well one day it’s going to happen right?

Discover what you want (this involves some thinking), make a plan with some action items and timelines, do the action items and see how it goes. Didn’t meet your “expectation”? That’s alright, hug yourself, be kind to yourself, and try again 🙂 Forget about your fears, limitations, expectations, or assumptions. Leadership is about taking action and being OK when you fail. Failure is going to be the most valuable lesson you will ever learn throughout your life and it will teach you what you need to do. So go out there and fail a little bit!

Tired of batting at 0? I know I was and that was a signal for me to do something about it. If you need help in uncovering your expectations, fears, beliefs, and assumptions are in your life and how these are holding you back, send me an email at sonia@soniagrossi.com, and we can talk. I work with people who want to thrive and evolve through a transformation to become a hero of their own story.

-Sonia

Be careful what you wish for

Trust me…

I was someone who sincerely believed that I never got what I asked for in life. You know those people. They are the ones who say after winning a prize, “Oh I won!? I never win anything”. When in reality, you know they win stuff all the damn time.

I never thought it was possible to receive everything I had asked for until much reflection as I’ve taken Labour Day weekend to reflect on my career, love life, friendships, and family. I took myself out on dates, went to the CNE, cooked a fabulous dinner that I can now cook for others (Sonia approved), cleaned, took a Yoga class with a fantastic instructor BTW, purchased Fall clothes using my besties discount card, reorganized my wardrobe, Netflix (How to Get Away with Murder released season 3!) and came up with a plan for the last four months of 2017. OMG really! 2017 only has four months left? Didn’t I just celebrate it’s New Years not too long ago?

Anyhoo… I now have proof of how important being specific in life is IF and ONLY IF you take the time to visualize. I have been envisioning what my life is going to look like in the next five years and believe me when I first started these vision board type of exercises; I didn’t even honestly believe my vision party. I was like, OK I want to be successful, making tons of money, have a team to pay, work on contract for multiple organizations, be in a loving relationship, own my own beautiful and expensive loft in Toronto, upgrade my car (I still love my 2012 civic OK), have a six pack of abs, and eat whole grains and seeds throughout the day. Although all available, also a lot of work to get there and my over achiever in me wanted it all at once. The truth is, Sonia isn’t exactly 20 years old anymore, and I only have enough energy in the day to take me so far.

See the fact is that when you start digging deep, learning about yourself, taking the time to understand your triggers and insecurities, looking objectively at your past, failures, and successes only then do you then realize what is really going on.

This is what I learned, when you want something or when you have been asking for something to happen for a long time, I can almost bet on it that you have received what you have asked for. I know this because I have proof and I also have proof from other people I know. Last year when I started my entrepreneurial venture it was hard, to say the least. I was not accustomed to not having an income since I was 16, and at 28 I was making $0 each month. This was a huge struggle because I was pulling from my savings which I had worked my ass off to save for a “house, ” and I didn’t know how long I could continue before I went back into the 9-5 world which was not high on the priority list. However, I prevailed, and I worked on getting clients, built a website, figured out my messaging and how I wanted to train and coach people and organizations. I went to networking events which I never did when I had a 9-5 job and stretched myself to get out there and be someone different. I hired coaches (2), took courses and workshops, I reached out to people I had worked with in my past, I started developing new friendships because let’s face it, I was in need of change, and I had exhausted all of my options.

Fast forward a year later, and I have a contract position training staff on service excellence to a great organization doing wonderful things for people. I have clients who value my training and coaching services. I’m not living off of my savings anymore (yay). I receive positive feedback everywhere I go, and people want more. I’m being asked to facilitate workshops and retreats for leaders, and now it comes far easier than before. Before it was a struggle and now it just flows. Did I think it was possible a year ago? Not so much but I also started asking for what I wanted and low and behold, it comes.

Life happens and moves forward when you believe it will happen. It might not happen tomorrow, but it will happen for you to experience at some point.

Keep in mind, what you ask for and finally receive, you may feel that it isn’t at all that cracked up to be and that’s OK too. It just means that now you have even MORE information to let you know what you do want and you can let go of anything that feels less than spectacular. People don’t like that phrase because they think it sounds selfish and that feeling spectacular doesn’t exist for them. “Who are you to say no to opportunities?” “Psh…saying no to things that seem less than spectacular? That’s ridiculous; you need to pay the bills and get married already.” “You need to grow up now.” I chose a life of ease, abundance, joy, community, love, happiness and being able to share my gifts in the process. The struggle is for those who have a fixed mindset. If you want to move forward in your life Google “growth mindset” because success starts with your thoughts and beliefs. It doesn’t matter what car you drive, what educational background you come from, the family you were born into, but more so, how you train your mind to believe in the possibility that it’s possible for you too.

Here are some essential tips to move areas in your life in the direction you want it to go:

1. Make a list of the following areas in your life, career, money, home, romance, friendships and family, fun and creation, health and well being, personal growth.
2. Write in each section what it is you want.
3. Be specific about what you want and exclude any language that talks about what you don’t want. I’ll give you an example, I want a man who is strong and kind but not selfish and lazy. Here is what the Universe will send you from these thoughts. A man who is might be strong and kind, but also might be selfish, and lazy. Yes, it will happen.
4. Set timelines for when you want these things to happen
5. Take action to make it happen
6. Be patient

And finally. Meditate, go for a walk, drink lots of water, eat better, exercise, travel, spend more time with yourself and be by yourself. Figure out what you want and what you need without people in your ear. Stop reaching out to people because you are bored and don’t have your own life to share with others. Create your own life by doing things you enjoy, this will raise your frequency, and once you do that, anything is game.

Need a boost in life? I’m all ears. Contact me at sonia@soniagrossi.com

-Sonia

 

The Self-Compassionate Leader

The end of August for me is a time for reflection, back to work with organizations ramping up for their next fiscal year, and for many back to school.  I always get a little tense around this time partly because I know I can no longer wear summer dresses and cute shoes in a few weeks 😦

Life throws at you the good, the bad, and the ugly.

We know this, and most of the time we want to avoid the bad and the ugly. No one wants to suffer. However, it’s part of the deal. The deal of life. This past summer I’ve been submerging myself in a ton of situations and opportunities that have stretched me beyond my comfort zone, and because of this, my inner critic has been REALLY loud.

What I mean by my “inner critic” is the mean things I say to myself that do not help my performance, self-esteem, or the way I feel about life. I never realized how much I was doing this until this summer and of course with the help of my Leadership Coach. Then I thought about what it looked like on the outside of someone who is hard on themselves?

Not an attractive leader.

Every time you up level in this game of life ( and you are the protagonist in this story btw) your inner critic, gremlins, or saboteurs to name a few go wild! This is because they have developed habits over an extended period by outside forces other than your own.

They kind of sound like this.

  • “You are so shit and not skilled at this yet.”
  • “You are 30 years old already, how do you not have this figured out, everyone else has it figured out.”
  • “How are you a public motivational speaker? You don’t even have your own life figured out?”
  • “What’s wrong with you that you can’t achieve any of your dreams?”
  • “Everyone thinks you’re a failure because you don’t have a corporate job, marriage, and kids, a home, etc. Pretty useless if you ask me.”
  • “Your coworkers are better at this than you.”
  • “It’s going to take you YEARS to move up the corporate latter.”
  • ” Build a business at your age? Psh…you might as well give up now because only experienced individuals can do this kind of stuff.”
  • “They are right. You are not skilled enough for this.”

OK – so some of these are a little exaggerated, but you can get a sense for how those sound and feel inside my head and in my body. Not very motivating at least in the long run. I’ve been sprinting my way through a marathon thinking I would never get tired because I’m invincible. Wrong.

This list can go on. Eventually what happens is that you begin to look at failure as a negative thing or a bad thing and it tends to stop you in your tracks. Eventually failing seems worse than where you are now. So you give up and feel like shit because you are never good enough to get what you want. That’s been my story for awhile. Ever since I was a little girl the bar was set high, and if I didn’t meet it, I didn’t amount to anything of value, and I didn’t have the skills or consciousness to give myself self-compassion. I didn’t even know what it truly meant until I began reading Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff. Can you be nice to yourself for making mistakes? WOAH. Forgiveness and vulnerability are compelling and two key ingredients to sustaining relationships and the relationship you have with yourself. I don’t need to feel shame anymore by things I did or said. I do need to forgive myself and learn from my mistakes if I want to be the human being I want to be which is full of love, compassion, decisiveness, leadership, fun and flirty energy 🙂 watch out!

Now as in today, I am changing this story, and I will be practicing self-compassion more and more to myself. I don’t want to be the type of person who only feels like they are succeeding based on achievements or performance because humans aren’t perfect and we mistakes. Success isn’t a ladder you keep climbing without falling a few steps behind. Take a look at your life map up until now, and you’ll see all the dips and raises you took. The greatest heroes have ups and downs too.

I will wait for the right opportunities in my life that I desire. This goes for every aspect of my life. Love, career, friendships, home space, and fun. The kinder you are to yourself, the more “right” opportunities will come your way and you will be able to recognize it immediately. Thank you, Abraham Hicks for this intel.

Remember you are the protagonist of your own life so give yourself credit, be kind to yourself, learn from mistakes, be kind to others and raise the standard. There is no need to feel shame, embarrassed, unworthy or deflated. You can feel differently when you understand that life happens for you not to you. How do you want to feel?

I hope this is helpful for those of you who are perfectionists, and hyper-achievers like me. Even if you are not those things, you can see that by being kinder to yourself helps you be the leader this world needs. The world is waiting for you, your ideas, and your leadership to make it a better and more compassionate place for all those to benefit from.

-Sonia

 

 

 

What are men for?

Hi there,

Regarding the content you are about to read, it is raw and open. I am merely expressing my views on relationships as I see this as the largest spoken topic in our current culture even for myself. Relationships are an important area of my life I’ve been exploring my entire life. People are obsessed with relationships and so many are seeking to find their dream man or woman as we know to be true from Disney movies. Sorry Disney, but you kind of did us a disservice.

I see relationships differently than the status quo. You see the problem why I had trouble envisioning what happened after Cinderella married her Prince, or Ariel marrying Prince Eric or Jasmine and Aladdin pairing up is what happens after that? It’s like OK so now what? All this courtship, romance, barriers to overcome in the face of love and then it’s a happily ever after story. Then we compare this to what happens after with the people around us. It may not look like a happily ever after story after all.

Let me tell you what I see. I have never been someone who will settle for anything less than spectacular and many people know this about me, especially when it comes to relationships. I’ve been a woman who goes against the grain and let me tell you it’s fabulous. I’ve always been a hopeless romantic (secretly) and have wondered how it would feel for a man to court and pursue a woman. I wondered what it would be like for a person to invest his time, and express his romantic and sweet side. Someone you can be friends with and be attracted to emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Sounds magical. Someone fun, spontaneous, and has a hunger for life and wants to experience life to its full potential. Someone who is hardworking, committed, and ambitious. He knows the value of money, creative with finances and knows exactly how he wants to spend his money by living out his dreams through what he values. This is the guy who knows his values and is building a life to reflect what is important to him. Someone who knows that society, family, and friends create our limitations and that we can make any amount of desired money, have an amazing career, have nurturing friendships and supportive families, and live in a comfortable living situation as long as we are willing to put in the work. You are not a victim of circumstance, however, a creator of your life. Anything you want to experience in this life you can make it happen.

If I’m honest, I’m not looking for someone to compliment my financial stability, even though that is what women have been taught to look for in a man. They tell us, “Look for the man that can take care of you financially, he’s a keeper.” Although this is enticing, I will make my amount of money thank you! I am also not looking for a man who depends on his Mommy either. Men who are hopeless in taking care of themselves can lack certain skills for adulthood. Believe me; there are lots of men AND women still out there like this in their late twenties and thirties and it ain’t attractive. Women for years learned that we need to take care of our man. We cook, clean, organize, plan (because they don’t know how to apparently), and drop everything for a guy because how else are you going to keep him interested? The list here could go on…if you know what I’m saying. If you do your own thing for a few days, he might believe you aren’t interested in him anymore and not spending enough time with him. Ugh..this guy is annoying and to be honest, I’m not at all interested.

I was never interested in being just someone’s “girlfriend.” I was also never interested in being the “cool girl” or “hot girl.” I asked a guy I was dating once in the beginning what it was he liked about me. His response, “You’re cool, you paid for my movie ticket.” My thoughts, “Yeah thanks. I paid because your card bounced back having no money on date 3 and I’m far more interesting than my bank account.” True story. I don’t want to hang out in your parent’s basement and watch TV shows with you every night. I don’t want to “hang out” with you because you’re too afraid to ask a woman on a real date for fear of being rejected or because you have “options”. Oh and I can’t stand the ambivalence of asking people out now. For instance, “Let’s hang only if you want to” or “Let me know if you are free and want to do this again” I get it. We think we have a ton of options at our fingertips and we are afraid of rejection so we come up with low investment ways to spend our time with other people. To be honest, if I’m going to go out of my way to meet up with someone I hardly know, that’s a big deal and a huge time investment. Modern dating has a new set of “unspoken rules” and for a woman who is looking for the real deal, it can be very frustrating. I will not be the woman who enables you to stay the same and comfortable. I used to think the guy who lets me do what I want at the expense of his happiness was admirable; now I find it sad. Don’t be a pushover.  I want to be pushed outside of my comfort zone and be my greatest hero, and I want to be able to do the same for you. I want tough love, and I want to hear the truth even when it hurts. I want to know how you feel about things and not be afraid to say it. I want the guy who goes after what he wants and has confidence, because it’s hella sexy. I want an equal. I’m not interested in picking the guy that’s available and seems OK out of mere convenience just because he seems interested and I’m single. That’s just not me. I’m looking for the real thing, something deep and connected. Something that’s going to push me to my ultimate limits in love and someone who appreciates vulnerability and all of my beautiful gifts and flaws. That extraordinary love. Not convenience love.

My Old Beliefs:

  1. Men are for financial stability
  2. Men are only interested in you if you are overly promiscuous
  3. Men at 30 and beyond don’t date women who don’t own their own place
  4. Men expect something from you (this is highly due to my early experiences which took me a very long to heal from)
  5. It’s REALLY HARD to find a man who respects you and loves you
  6. Men don’t want to be friends first. They’d rather be something else with you first.
  7. Men have a ton of options you are competing with
  8. Men get bored easily
  9. Men are egotistical
  10. Men are terrible at planning and taking initiative
  11. Because I am beautiful, men should do what I want
  12. I don’t need a man because I am independent (YEAH!)
  13. Men are never over their ex-girlfriends
  14. Men act like victims when they find me
  15. Men who are single at my age and above means there is something terribly wrong with them (believe me I’m not proud of this one either)

What are the results of these beliefs? Answer: I’ve met men exactly like my beliefs, and I’ve been disappointed every time. I also created a story that all men were bad when in fact this is not true. Then I wonder where all the good ones are? So I gave up on love for awhile.  With all that to say, I’m here to tell you that I have a new story and it’s WAY more exciting than the old one I’ve been telling myself.

Being single is not a bad thing. It’s not a sad thing. It doesn’t make you incomplete. There is nothing wrong with you if you are single. You are not broken and you sure as hell do not need to rush out there and find someone. That mentality needs to shift. I always felt like people who were in relationships had something more than me because they had a “partner” and I didn’t. This is partly because people who are in relationships think they are one higher or one up than a single person and that they have it all figured out. When the truth is, I’m doing the internal work that most people avoid their whole lives because they are afraid to look within. They are afraid of looking at who they are with as they may not be the one they really want to be with deep down inside. You always intuitively know this and yet we keep moving along on autopilot as time passes you by.  Since they are afraid to do the work, they stay the same, wonder why they aren’t happy and why after 5 years their “partner” just doesn’t do it for them anymore. I’m still doing the work and figuring out my purpose, who I am, and what I am here to do and it’s not about someone else or #relationshipgoals. Although sometimes relationship goals have a nice ring to it. It’s about me and I know that deep in my heart there are a ton of amazing available men looking for someone like me because guess what, I’m awesome.

My New Story:

  1. Men are for friendship
  2. Men are for vulnerability
  3. Men are for adventure
  4. Men are for fun
  5. Men are for intelligent conversations
  6. Men are for new experiences
  7. Men are for romance
  8. Men are for self-expression
  9. Men can communicate how they feel (sometimes)
  10. Men are great allies for your self-development
  11. Men are great at enhancing your experience of life
  12. Men are my equal

Given my new story, I am now looking for proof! When I reflect back to the people in my life who have excited me, they fall in line with my new story beliefs. Those are the people I love to meet and spend time with 😀 I’m keeping it real and low stakes with men for the time being.

So tell me, what old stories are keeping you safe and sound? Do you think all the good ones are taken? Do you think you’ve missed the boat? Are you frustrated with all the wasted time and energy spent on Tinder and Bumble?

Comment below or send me an email, I’d love to help you turn those beliefs around one step at a time. You can change your thoughts and feelings to experience anything you think is just a dream and not your reality.

-Sonia

Be Your Superhero

Hi there,

Back in the day, I watched Sailor Moon everyday after school at 4PM btw.  She was a Japanese anime character with two identities. One identity was her regular life as a teenager in high school and the other as Sailor Moon, the superhero. When danger reared its ugly head, she used her inner leader to save the world. I wanted her magic pen that allowed her to change into any outfit she desired. Enough of that though..

What if I told you that the only person standing in your way of your dreams is you? What if I said that the only reason you aren’t making more money is you? What if I told you the only reason you are not experiencing your dream relationship is you?

How do you feel now? Hopeless, frustrated, disappointed, uneasy with the decisions you’ve made along the way. At some point did you stop and look at your life and say to yourself, who’s life am I living anyway? Is the life I’ve created for myself the life I want to be living or one that’s expected of me?

Some may argue that in order to get ahead; you need to have certain things in place before you can do that. You need money, education (possibly a Masters Degree these days), access to people who can connect you with the right people to gain access to incredible opportunities, work very hard to get the corner office on the 21st floor with a fantastic view. To experience the relationship of your dreams, you need to be skinnier, smarter, prettier, wealthier; otherwise, that person you are seeking might not consider you at all. There are A TON of preconceived notions of what you need to live life a certain way because let’s face it; the world is “unfair.”

Want to know a secret? How many of the things you think you want, can honestly say you want that for yourself? I could bet you if you took a look at the things you want to experience in this life, it might look different than what your life “should” be.

Here are some of the things I thought I had wanted before I hit 30:
1. A marriage with children
2. A four bedroom house
3. A leadership role in a large organization
4. The perfect body
5. A stable substantial income each month
6. A summer home
7. Tons of friends who come to my four bedroom home for dinner parties with their partners/husbands

Honestly, the list could go on, but I digress. As you can see, I am not 30 (in a few weeks!), and I am not on my way to marriage anytime soon, owning a four bedroom home, having a second home, or even friends who are married! Does it make me feel sad, frustrated, and disappointed? It sure does. The “should haves” I’ve pointed out are all the expectations I’ve put on myself. These are expectations I thought I should be experiencing at my age and they are a terrible way to look at my life.

It’s an awful feeling to feel like you are not at a certain level of what’s expected of you. And you feel as if you are kind of behind the eight ball. But everyone else is doing it you might say! So there must be something wrong with me if I don’t have any of those things, right?

I knew people in my earlier high school years who married in their early to mid-twenties and had made or on the way to make families. Bought a home, had a 9-5 job and took the vacation with their families once or twice a year. Every time I go to a cousin’s bridal shower or wedding (and I have plenty of relatives), I always get asked where my Mr. Right is, and if I don’t hurry up, it will be too late to live out my happy ending because single does not = happiness. I’ve also had “friends,” say to me, “Ugh I am so glad I’m not single anymore, it’s brutal out there.” What gives people?

What I am learning is that the environment in which I was surrounded by as a child was a tiny population of how the rest of the world lives their lives. We bought into the idea that life comes with a lot of shoulds and if you didn’t have them, you are a failure, so you better hurry up and marry the next guy that approaches you. You also better save all of your money and buy a house at 25 because then what else are you going to do? It’s all rigged by fear.

I had a beautiful young lady ask me the other day if I regret not finding “The One” earlier on in my years as she too is struggling to find a partner in her early twenties. My honest answer was No. I explained to her that if I choose to settle down with any of the men I’ve met along the way, my life would be completely different. I also shared that I always knew I wanted more of a relationship and the prospects around at each stage of my life were not candidates who could give that to me. There was still a lot of internal work to do. Only in my late twenties have I focused on myself and my self-discovery and uncovered what I want to experience in this life. The pressures we feel comes from our family, friends, and what we see on media as “acceptable.” These ideas we buy into are the only way to true happiness as it may seem from an external view.

It takes the time to feel your way through the pain you’ve experienced as a child, to heal and to let go. It also takes, even more time to find out who you are and not what you think you are based on someone else’s beliefs.

You see the thing is, sometimes my Superhero emerges in conversation with people. However, my inner child has me feeling small, hopeless, frustrated, disappointed by any means. It’s an internal conflict, and I am breaking it down.

My Inner Superhero Goes Like This: ( I love Sailor Moon btw)

Sonia, you are a force of nature, fun, flirty, magical, intuitive, authentic, connected and SEXY. You are so sure of what you are looking for, and because of that, you never settled for the first, second, third or even fourth opportunity that came your way. You have a fantastic mindset and understanding of the world in that it is abundant and there are plenty of choices and opportunities available for you. When one door closes, another door opens directing you to your hearts desires. You are mastering your intuition and taking a step back before saying yes to anything that feels less than spectacular. You’ve become conscious of what drains you and what excites you. You know deep down in your heart that you don’t have to settle for anything based on your friends, families, or co-workers opinions. On a larger scale, you are closer to being free of expectations with the gift of flexibility in your life. You are free. You will work on a beach because you’ve always wanted to and it will be even better than you had imagined. You will meet amazing souls all over the world who are kind, warm, loving, safe, intelligent and whom live their lives as if today is the best day of their entire lives. You will be welcomed and invited to something bigger than yourself. You want to transform the lives of others and free them from their expectations of themselves. You can inspire the rest of the world to stand up for themselves and choose things like love, joy, freedom, happiness, connection. It is possible for you to instill confidence and courage back into the world that seems to be forgotten. You just need to be patient. The Universe will test you with shiny things and distract you along the way, and it is your job to know when to say No. Ask, and it shall be received. Your problems will be bigger and harder, and with your resilience, you will overcome each one.

At the end of it all, I want someone to say about me, “She overcame all her limitations she imposed on herself and with that, showed others the way to their true hearts desires.”

You always have a choice. Are you going to continue with the story of being a victim of circumstances or are you going to tell your superhero story? You decide.

Let me know what your story is and send me an email at sgrossi.consulting@gmail.com. I’d love to hear from you and how the shoulds have been running your life.

– Sonia