You Give Your External World Way Too Much Power

It’s been awhile since I last posted and that’s mostly because there has been a LOT of action I’ve been taking in my life 🙂

Flirting with opportunities, flirting in the dating world ;), taking action on my goals and setting my finances STRAIGHT. Oh and I’ve also taken up tennis lessons which btw I realize I missed my calling. For someone who has NEVER played tennis for 30 years, I am DAMN good as a beginner lol.

Today, I am here to talk to you about how we give a lot of value on the external world around us. What I mean by that is we put a lot of focus and energy on things like:

Money: how much money we make
Career: your job title
Education: your highest education background
Automotive: the car we drive
Relationship Status: married, in a relationship or single
Home: mortgage before 30
Social Media: how many likes on Facebook we have, how many friends or followers we have
Hobbies: Do we have hobbies? Or not?
Fun & Recreation: Do we play sports, hiking, kayaking, gym, yoga

I think you get the point, however, let me go further.

Now the scary part about all of this is that if we do not have the things we thought we’d have by a certain age or we see others have the things we want by our age, we feel sad, helpless, powerless. It’s as if these achievements are not meant for us, or we are not good enough to have them. How many times do I hear my clients talk about all the things their friends have that they do not have yet. Ugh.

We give WAY too much power to our external world. I know this firsthand because I have been doing it for years. The result of this is that I always felt disappointed and unhappy. Yes, I know, the people around you don’t make it any better or easier for that matter. They are the ones telling you that you are running out of time, wasting your time, or your childbearing years are soon coming to an end so just pick one already! The pressure to fit into what the world wants you to be is overwhelming, confusing, and stressful. For real. #truth

I used to put a lot of value on my career and money which is still very important to me. Now that I have discovered my vision and mission, things are much clearer to me. I have a sense of calm, clarity and peace. I genuinely believe in the work that I do and understand that the world desperately needs this work. Regardless of things like budgets, resources, bottom line, and profits. I trust myself more because I know what value I can bring to the world and I see its impact. My impact is intense and its been a powerful movement I’ve witnessed in the past year.

Before I figured this out, I was chasing everything and anything just to get ahead. Spinning my wheels as if I wasn’t progressing, however, moving backward instead. It wasn’t until I recognized the value I had to give was when things began to shift for me. I used to take side jobs left right and center that paid very low because I started to believe that I didn’t have what it takes to impact and lead change. What I forgot about my inner truth was that I am an influential leader who sets people free of themselves. It was not entirely my fault as like I said the world around you creates a lot of unnecessary noise that makes you lose sight of who you are. When that happens, and you begin to believe them, you accept anything. Because something is better than nothing, sound familiar to you?

I said no to my dream job that plenty of people would kill to have because I didn’t want to wait for them to figure their s*#@ out, pay me appropriately, and put me on a full-time salary. It’s a year later, and they just posted for a full-time Manager position looking for someone to manage precisely what I was looking after and the responsibilities I had.

Where am I now though? I’m working with a Toronto Hospital with the most fantastic team I could have ever imagined. I have the flexibility to work on my dream business and movement to help people achieve their dreams and contribute to their larger purpose in life. I visit Universities in Ontario and speak to students, inspire them to think larger than themselves and develop their confidence muscles. The only limitations we have is ourselves. Students are the best!

When you begin to say NO to things that do not serve you or your more significant purpose, your life MOVES. Let me tell you does it ever move forward and pretty damn fast. Say NO to that guy or girl who sucks up your time and energy and isn’t going anywhere just to pass the time until something else better comes along. Say NO to that job that you hate. Say NO to those friends that are small thinkers and get jealous when you succeed. Say NO to the family commitments that no longer matter and say Yes to the ones that do. Say NO to the things that waste your time and energy. It’s all your choice at the end of the day, and no one can make you feel guilty about it, even when they try. You give them that power to feel like crap. Train them otherwise.

This is what focusing on your internal world looks like. Your inner world is who you are, what you value, what you need, your beliefs and perceptions, and your larger purpose in this life. Start to pay attention to how your external world makes you feel. We’ve been trained to accept anything that comes our way, but, you are far more creative and powerful than that. Your power comes from you choosing and going after what you want. Your influence is your impact. Take a look at your world around you, and if it isn’t up to par, you need your inner world to change and refocus.

I can help you refocus your inner world like I have this past year. Your external world will naturally shift and be the way you want and need it be. It takes courage and carefree resiliency to change your inner world, and I can support you through this journey. Are you ready?

Schedule a call with me by clicking here, and let’s talk.

xo Sonia

 

What’s your batting average?

Is your batting average a big fat zero? Or a nice .400? In baseball, if you are hitting at .400%, you are the all-time MVP. Trust me.

I’m calling the next chapter of my life; Nothing to Lose.

I spent a lot of time not taking action on the things that are most important to me. The things that mattered to me. The areas in my life I thought was a distant dream but one day would be my reality. Mostly, I wasn’t aware of what was important to me and because I was too busy people pleasing everyone else around me and supporting them with their goals. #peoplepleaser and #rescuer. Now at the big 3 – 0, I realize that I am over a hump of leaving my life to chance. Because leaving it to chance doesn’t work for me and adulting is HARD lol.

I recently had a great call with my Leadership Coach on dating. I am ready to get back in the game and start hitting again.(baseball reference people) To do this, you need to get out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there. Ugh. FEAR. LOL. So I started thinking about what I want? What do I want out of this? What’s going to work for me right now? Now that that’s clearer, how I do make it happen? So I came up with a dating strategy to meet new, fun, exciting, and intelligent men. I uncovered old beliefs and changed them to new beliefs. I worked on my mindset and emotional state so that when I meet these fascinating individuals, I have an open mind and I can connect better and have fun. Roll with the punches. Let’s just say that mindset has been the biggest shift for me because I already see the change in how I interact with men available in my life. It’s not about the end goal because I am looking for genuine friendships and connection. Simple.

All that to say, this area of my life is moving, shifting, and FAR MORE enjoyable than before. Thank Goodness!

My message here is not necessarily about dating, but, more importantly, about the action you take in your life. Just like any other area of your life whether it be career, money, friendships, love, real estate, the hard truth is that the less action you take, the fewer results you see. It’s not ALWAYS personal. Being resilient is going to help you big time to move your life in a direction and steer appropriately when necessary.

Here are some scenarios where your “outcome” or “expectation” will not help you and might stop you in your tracks of taking more action.

1. Applying for a job you are 100% qualified for and go through the entire interview process only to find out the employer offered the job to someone who didn’t have half the skills you did? WTF.
2. Starting a business with the expectation that you’ll make 15K in the first three months without any relationship pipelines developed. Yeah, this takes some work.
3. Putting it out there that you are interested in someone cute only to find out they have a partner or worse, they just don’t like you. Ouch.
4. Expecting your family to be more understanding and just get you one day. Expecting them to be different. #probablynot
5. Buying a home in Toronto without any plan to save for a down payment. There is no hashtag for this one.

Anyways, in my next chapter, I am exploring opportunities and saying YES. Situations that scare the hell outta me. Taking action on my dreams rather than sitting back and saying, well one day it’s going to happen right?

Discover what you want (this involves some thinking), make a plan with some action items and timelines, do the action items and see how it goes. Didn’t meet your “expectation”? That’s alright, hug yourself, be kind to yourself, and try again 🙂 Forget about your fears, limitations, expectations, or assumptions. Leadership is about taking action and being OK when you fail. Failure is going to be the most valuable lesson you will ever learn throughout your life and it will teach you what you need to do. So go out there and fail a little bit!

Tired of batting at 0? I know I was and that was a signal for me to do something about it. If you need help in uncovering your expectations, fears, beliefs, and assumptions are in your life and how these are holding you back, send me an email at sonia@soniagrossi.com, and we can talk. I work with people who want to thrive and evolve through a transformation to become a hero of their own story.

-Sonia

Be careful what you wish for

Trust me…

I was someone who sincerely believed that I never got what I asked for in life. You know those people. They are the ones who say after winning a prize, “Oh I won!? I never win anything”. When in reality, you know they win stuff all the damn time.

I never thought it was possible to receive everything I had asked for until much reflection as I’ve taken Labour Day weekend to reflect on my career, love life, friendships, and family. I took myself out on dates, went to the CNE, cooked a fabulous dinner that I can now cook for others (Sonia approved), cleaned, took a Yoga class with a fantastic instructor BTW, purchased Fall clothes using my besties discount card, reorganized my wardrobe, Netflix (How to Get Away with Murder released season 3!) and came up with a plan for the last four months of 2017. OMG really! 2017 only has four months left? Didn’t I just celebrate it’s New Years not too long ago?

Anyhoo… I now have proof of how important being specific in life is IF and ONLY IF you take the time to visualize. I have been envisioning what my life is going to look like in the next five years and believe me when I first started these vision board type of exercises; I didn’t even honestly believe my vision party. I was like, OK I want to be successful, making tons of money, have a team to pay, work on contract for multiple organizations, be in a loving relationship, own my own beautiful and expensive loft in Toronto, upgrade my car (I still love my 2012 civic OK), have a six pack of abs, and eat whole grains and seeds throughout the day. Although all available, also a lot of work to get there and my over achiever in me wanted it all at once. The truth is, Sonia isn’t exactly 20 years old anymore, and I only have enough energy in the day to take me so far.

See the fact is that when you start digging deep, learning about yourself, taking the time to understand your triggers and insecurities, looking objectively at your past, failures, and successes only then do you then realize what is really going on.

This is what I learned, when you want something or when you have been asking for something to happen for a long time, I can almost bet on it that you have received what you have asked for. I know this because I have proof and I also have proof from other people I know. Last year when I started my entrepreneurial venture it was hard, to say the least. I was not accustomed to not having an income since I was 16, and at 28 I was making $0 each month. This was a huge struggle because I was pulling from my savings which I had worked my ass off to save for a “house, ” and I didn’t know how long I could continue before I went back into the 9-5 world which was not high on the priority list. However, I prevailed, and I worked on getting clients, built a website, figured out my messaging and how I wanted to train and coach people and organizations. I went to networking events which I never did when I had a 9-5 job and stretched myself to get out there and be someone different. I hired coaches (2), took courses and workshops, I reached out to people I had worked with in my past, I started developing new friendships because let’s face it, I was in need of change, and I had exhausted all of my options.

Fast forward a year later, and I have a contract position training staff on service excellence to a great organization doing wonderful things for people. I have clients who value my training and coaching services. I’m not living off of my savings anymore (yay). I receive positive feedback everywhere I go, and people want more. I’m being asked to facilitate workshops and retreats for leaders, and now it comes far easier than before. Before it was a struggle and now it just flows. Did I think it was possible a year ago? Not so much but I also started asking for what I wanted and low and behold, it comes.

Life happens and moves forward when you believe it will happen. It might not happen tomorrow, but it will happen for you to experience at some point.

Keep in mind, what you ask for and finally receive, you may feel that it isn’t at all that cracked up to be and that’s OK too. It just means that now you have even MORE information to let you know what you do want and you can let go of anything that feels less than spectacular. People don’t like that phrase because they think it sounds selfish and that feeling spectacular doesn’t exist for them. “Who are you to say no to opportunities?” “Psh…saying no to things that seem less than spectacular? That’s ridiculous; you need to pay the bills and get married already.” “You need to grow up now.” I chose a life of ease, abundance, joy, community, love, happiness and being able to share my gifts in the process. The struggle is for those who have a fixed mindset. If you want to move forward in your life Google “growth mindset” because success starts with your thoughts and beliefs. It doesn’t matter what car you drive, what educational background you come from, the family you were born into, but more so, how you train your mind to believe in the possibility that it’s possible for you too.

Here are some essential tips to move areas in your life in the direction you want it to go:

1. Make a list of the following areas in your life, career, money, home, romance, friendships and family, fun and creation, health and well being, personal growth.
2. Write in each section what it is you want.
3. Be specific about what you want and exclude any language that talks about what you don’t want. I’ll give you an example, I want a man who is strong and kind but not selfish and lazy. Here is what the Universe will send you from these thoughts. A man who is might be strong and kind, but also might be selfish, and lazy. Yes, it will happen.
4. Set timelines for when you want these things to happen
5. Take action to make it happen
6. Be patient

And finally. Meditate, go for a walk, drink lots of water, eat better, exercise, travel, spend more time with yourself and be by yourself. Figure out what you want and what you need without people in your ear. Stop reaching out to people because you are bored and don’t have your own life to share with others. Create your own life by doing things you enjoy, this will raise your frequency, and once you do that, anything is game.

Need a boost in life? I’m all ears. Contact me at sonia@soniagrossi.com

-Sonia

 

The Self-Compassionate Leader

The end of August for me is a time for reflection, back to work with organizations ramping up for their next fiscal year, and for many back to school.  I always get a little tense around this time partly because I know I can no longer wear summer dresses and cute shoes in a few weeks 😦

Life throws at you the good, the bad, and the ugly.

We know this, and most of the time we want to avoid the bad and the ugly. No one wants to suffer. However, it’s part of the deal. The deal of life. This past summer I’ve been submerging myself in a ton of situations and opportunities that have stretched me beyond my comfort zone, and because of this, my inner critic has been REALLY loud.

What I mean by my “inner critic” is the mean things I say to myself that do not help my performance, self-esteem, or the way I feel about life. I never realized how much I was doing this until this summer and of course with the help of my Leadership Coach. Then I thought about what it looked like on the outside of someone who is hard on themselves?

Not an attractive leader.

Every time you up level in this game of life ( and you are the protagonist in this story btw) your inner critic, gremlins, or saboteurs to name a few go wild! This is because they have developed habits over an extended period by outside forces other than your own.

They kind of sound like this.

  • “You are so shit and not skilled at this yet.”
  • “You are 30 years old already, how do you not have this figured out, everyone else has it figured out.”
  • “How are you a public motivational speaker? You don’t even have your own life figured out?”
  • “What’s wrong with you that you can’t achieve any of your dreams?”
  • “Everyone thinks you’re a failure because you don’t have a corporate job, marriage, and kids, a home, etc. Pretty useless if you ask me.”
  • “Your coworkers are better at this than you.”
  • “It’s going to take you YEARS to move up the corporate latter.”
  • ” Build a business at your age? Psh…you might as well give up now because only experienced individuals can do this kind of stuff.”
  • “They are right. You are not skilled enough for this.”

OK – so some of these are a little exaggerated, but you can get a sense for how those sound and feel inside my head and in my body. Not very motivating at least in the long run. I’ve been sprinting my way through a marathon thinking I would never get tired because I’m invincible. Wrong.

This list can go on. Eventually what happens is that you begin to look at failure as a negative thing or a bad thing and it tends to stop you in your tracks. Eventually failing seems worse than where you are now. So you give up and feel like shit because you are never good enough to get what you want. That’s been my story for awhile. Ever since I was a little girl the bar was set high, and if I didn’t meet it, I didn’t amount to anything of value, and I didn’t have the skills or consciousness to give myself self-compassion. I didn’t even know what it truly meant until I began reading Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff. Can you be nice to yourself for making mistakes? WOAH. Forgiveness and vulnerability are compelling and two key ingredients to sustaining relationships and the relationship you have with yourself. I don’t need to feel shame anymore by things I did or said. I do need to forgive myself and learn from my mistakes if I want to be the human being I want to be which is full of love, compassion, decisiveness, leadership, fun and flirty energy 🙂 watch out!

Now as in today, I am changing this story, and I will be practicing self-compassion more and more to myself. I don’t want to be the type of person who only feels like they are succeeding based on achievements or performance because humans aren’t perfect and we mistakes. Success isn’t a ladder you keep climbing without falling a few steps behind. Take a look at your life map up until now, and you’ll see all the dips and raises you took. The greatest heroes have ups and downs too.

I will wait for the right opportunities in my life that I desire. This goes for every aspect of my life. Love, career, friendships, home space, and fun. The kinder you are to yourself, the more “right” opportunities will come your way and you will be able to recognize it immediately. Thank you, Abraham Hicks for this intel.

Remember you are the protagonist of your own life so give yourself credit, be kind to yourself, learn from mistakes, be kind to others and raise the standard. There is no need to feel shame, embarrassed, unworthy or deflated. You can feel differently when you understand that life happens for you not to you. How do you want to feel?

I hope this is helpful for those of you who are perfectionists, and hyper-achievers like me. Even if you are not those things, you can see that by being kinder to yourself helps you be the leader this world needs. The world is waiting for you, your ideas, and your leadership to make it a better and more compassionate place for all those to benefit from.

-Sonia

 

 

 

What are men for?

Hi there,

Regarding the content you are about to read, it is raw and open. I am merely expressing my views on relationships as I see this as the largest spoken topic in our current culture even for myself. Relationships are an important area of my life I’ve been exploring my entire life. People are obsessed with relationships and so many are seeking to find their dream man or woman as we know to be true from Disney movies. Sorry Disney, but you kind of did us a disservice.

I see relationships differently than the status quo. You see the problem why I had trouble envisioning what happened after Cinderella married her Prince, or Ariel marrying Prince Eric or Jasmine and Aladdin pairing up is what happens after that? It’s like OK so now what? All this courtship, romance, barriers to overcome in the face of love and then it’s a happily ever after story. Then we compare this to what happens after with the people around us. It may not look like a happily ever after story after all.

Let me tell you what I see. I have never been someone who will settle for anything less than spectacular and many people know this about me, especially when it comes to relationships. I’ve been a woman who goes against the grain and let me tell you it’s fabulous. I’ve always been a hopeless romantic (secretly) and have wondered how it would feel for a man to court and pursue a woman. I wondered what it would be like for a person to invest his time, and express his romantic and sweet side. Someone you can be friends with and be attracted to emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Sounds magical. Someone fun, spontaneous, and has a hunger for life and wants to experience life to its full potential. Someone who is hardworking, committed, and ambitious. He knows the value of money, creative with finances and knows exactly how he wants to spend his money by living out his dreams through what he values. This is the guy who knows his values and is building a life to reflect what is important to him. Someone who knows that society, family, and friends create our limitations and that we can make any amount of desired money, have an amazing career, have nurturing friendships and supportive families, and live in a comfortable living situation as long as we are willing to put in the work. You are not a victim of circumstance, however, a creator of your life. Anything you want to experience in this life you can make it happen.

If I’m honest, I’m not looking for someone to compliment my financial stability, even though that is what women have been taught to look for in a man. They tell us, “Look for the man that can take care of you financially, he’s a keeper.” Although this is enticing, I will make my amount of money thank you! I am also not looking for a man who depends on his Mommy either. Men who are hopeless in taking care of themselves can lack certain skills for adulthood. Believe me; there are lots of men AND women still out there like this in their late twenties and thirties and it ain’t attractive. Women for years learned that we need to take care of our man. We cook, clean, organize, plan (because they don’t know how to apparently), and drop everything for a guy because how else are you going to keep him interested? The list here could go on…if you know what I’m saying. If you do your own thing for a few days, he might believe you aren’t interested in him anymore and not spending enough time with him. Ugh..this guy is annoying and to be honest, I’m not at all interested.

I was never interested in being just someone’s “girlfriend.” I was also never interested in being the “cool girl” or “hot girl.” I asked a guy I was dating once in the beginning what it was he liked about me. His response, “You’re cool, you paid for my movie ticket.” My thoughts, “Yeah thanks. I paid because your card bounced back having no money on date 3 and I’m far more interesting than my bank account.” True story. I don’t want to hang out in your parent’s basement and watch TV shows with you every night. I don’t want to “hang out” with you because you’re too afraid to ask a woman on a real date for fear of being rejected or because you have “options”. Oh and I can’t stand the ambivalence of asking people out now. For instance, “Let’s hang only if you want to” or “Let me know if you are free and want to do this again” I get it. We think we have a ton of options at our fingertips and we are afraid of rejection so we come up with low investment ways to spend our time with other people. To be honest, if I’m going to go out of my way to meet up with someone I hardly know, that’s a big deal and a huge time investment. Modern dating has a new set of “unspoken rules” and for a woman who is looking for the real deal, it can be very frustrating. I will not be the woman who enables you to stay the same and comfortable. I used to think the guy who lets me do what I want at the expense of his happiness was admirable; now I find it sad. Don’t be a pushover.  I want to be pushed outside of my comfort zone and be my greatest hero, and I want to be able to do the same for you. I want tough love, and I want to hear the truth even when it hurts. I want to know how you feel about things and not be afraid to say it. I want the guy who goes after what he wants and has confidence, because it’s hella sexy. I want an equal. I’m not interested in picking the guy that’s available and seems OK out of mere convenience just because he seems interested and I’m single. That’s just not me. I’m looking for the real thing, something deep and connected. Something that’s going to push me to my ultimate limits in love and someone who appreciates vulnerability and all of my beautiful gifts and flaws. That extraordinary love. Not convenience love.

My Old Beliefs:

  1. Men are for financial stability
  2. Men are only interested in you if you are overly promiscuous
  3. Men at 30 and beyond don’t date women who don’t own their own place
  4. Men expect something from you (this is highly due to my early experiences which took me a very long to heal from)
  5. It’s REALLY HARD to find a man who respects you and loves you
  6. Men don’t want to be friends first. They’d rather be something else with you first.
  7. Men have a ton of options you are competing with
  8. Men get bored easily
  9. Men are egotistical
  10. Men are terrible at planning and taking initiative
  11. Because I am beautiful, men should do what I want
  12. I don’t need a man because I am independent (YEAH!)
  13. Men are never over their ex-girlfriends
  14. Men act like victims when they find me
  15. Men who are single at my age and above means there is something terribly wrong with them (believe me I’m not proud of this one either)

What are the results of these beliefs? Answer: I’ve met men exactly like my beliefs, and I’ve been disappointed every time. I also created a story that all men were bad when in fact this is not true. Then I wonder where all the good ones are? So I gave up on love for awhile.  With all that to say, I’m here to tell you that I have a new story and it’s WAY more exciting than the old one I’ve been telling myself.

Being single is not a bad thing. It’s not a sad thing. It doesn’t make you incomplete. There is nothing wrong with you if you are single. You are not broken and you sure as hell do not need to rush out there and find someone. That mentality needs to shift. I always felt like people who were in relationships had something more than me because they had a “partner” and I didn’t. This is partly because people who are in relationships think they are one higher or one up than a single person and that they have it all figured out. When the truth is, I’m doing the internal work that most people avoid their whole lives because they are afraid to look within. They are afraid of looking at who they are with as they may not be the one they really want to be with deep down inside. You always intuitively know this and yet we keep moving along on autopilot as time passes you by.  Since they are afraid to do the work, they stay the same, wonder why they aren’t happy and why after 5 years their “partner” just doesn’t do it for them anymore. I’m still doing the work and figuring out my purpose, who I am, and what I am here to do and it’s not about someone else or #relationshipgoals. Although sometimes relationship goals have a nice ring to it. It’s about me and I know that deep in my heart there are a ton of amazing available men looking for someone like me because guess what, I’m awesome.

My New Story:

  1. Men are for friendship
  2. Men are for vulnerability
  3. Men are for adventure
  4. Men are for fun
  5. Men are for intelligent conversations
  6. Men are for new experiences
  7. Men are for romance
  8. Men are for self-expression
  9. Men can communicate how they feel (sometimes)
  10. Men are great allies for your self-development
  11. Men are great at enhancing your experience of life
  12. Men are my equal

Given my new story, I am now looking for proof! When I reflect back to the people in my life who have excited me, they fall in line with my new story beliefs. Those are the people I love to meet and spend time with 😀 I’m keeping it real and low stakes with men for the time being.

So tell me, what old stories are keeping you safe and sound? Do you think all the good ones are taken? Do you think you’ve missed the boat? Are you frustrated with all the wasted time and energy spent on Tinder and Bumble?

Comment below or send me an email, I’d love to help you turn those beliefs around one step at a time. You can change your thoughts and feelings to experience anything you think is just a dream and not your reality.

-Sonia

Be Your Superhero

Hi there,

Back in the day, I watched Sailor Moon everyday after school at 4PM btw.  She was a Japanese anime character with two identities. One identity was her regular life as a teenager in high school and the other as Sailor Moon, the superhero. When danger reared its ugly head, she used her inner leader to save the world. I wanted her magic pen that allowed her to change into any outfit she desired. Enough of that though..

What if I told you that the only person standing in your way of your dreams is you? What if I said that the only reason you aren’t making more money is you? What if I told you the only reason you are not experiencing your dream relationship is you?

How do you feel now? Hopeless, frustrated, disappointed, uneasy with the decisions you’ve made along the way. At some point did you stop and look at your life and say to yourself, who’s life am I living anyway? Is the life I’ve created for myself the life I want to be living or one that’s expected of me?

Some may argue that in order to get ahead; you need to have certain things in place before you can do that. You need money, education (possibly a Masters Degree these days), access to people who can connect you with the right people to gain access to incredible opportunities, work very hard to get the corner office on the 21st floor with a fantastic view. To experience the relationship of your dreams, you need to be skinnier, smarter, prettier, wealthier; otherwise, that person you are seeking might not consider you at all. There are A TON of preconceived notions of what you need to live life a certain way because let’s face it; the world is “unfair.”

Want to know a secret? How many of the things you think you want, can honestly say you want that for yourself? I could bet you if you took a look at the things you want to experience in this life, it might look different than what your life “should” be.

Here are some of the things I thought I had wanted before I hit 30:
1. A marriage with children
2. A four bedroom house
3. A leadership role in a large organization
4. The perfect body
5. A stable substantial income each month
6. A summer home
7. Tons of friends who come to my four bedroom home for dinner parties with their partners/husbands

Honestly, the list could go on, but I digress. As you can see, I am not 30 (in a few weeks!), and I am not on my way to marriage anytime soon, owning a four bedroom home, having a second home, or even friends who are married! Does it make me feel sad, frustrated, and disappointed? It sure does. The “should haves” I’ve pointed out are all the expectations I’ve put on myself. These are expectations I thought I should be experiencing at my age and they are a terrible way to look at my life.

It’s an awful feeling to feel like you are not at a certain level of what’s expected of you. And you feel as if you are kind of behind the eight ball. But everyone else is doing it you might say! So there must be something wrong with me if I don’t have any of those things, right?

I knew people in my earlier high school years who married in their early to mid-twenties and had made or on the way to make families. Bought a home, had a 9-5 job and took the vacation with their families once or twice a year. Every time I go to a cousin’s bridal shower or wedding (and I have plenty of relatives), I always get asked where my Mr. Right is, and if I don’t hurry up, it will be too late to live out my happy ending because single does not = happiness. I’ve also had “friends,” say to me, “Ugh I am so glad I’m not single anymore, it’s brutal out there.” What gives people?

What I am learning is that the environment in which I was surrounded by as a child was a tiny population of how the rest of the world lives their lives. We bought into the idea that life comes with a lot of shoulds and if you didn’t have them, you are a failure, so you better hurry up and marry the next guy that approaches you. You also better save all of your money and buy a house at 25 because then what else are you going to do? It’s all rigged by fear.

I had a beautiful young lady ask me the other day if I regret not finding “The One” earlier on in my years as she too is struggling to find a partner in her early twenties. My honest answer was No. I explained to her that if I choose to settle down with any of the men I’ve met along the way, my life would be completely different. I also shared that I always knew I wanted more of a relationship and the prospects around at each stage of my life were not candidates who could give that to me. There was still a lot of internal work to do. Only in my late twenties have I focused on myself and my self-discovery and uncovered what I want to experience in this life. The pressures we feel comes from our family, friends, and what we see on media as “acceptable.” These ideas we buy into are the only way to true happiness as it may seem from an external view.

It takes the time to feel your way through the pain you’ve experienced as a child, to heal and to let go. It also takes, even more time to find out who you are and not what you think you are based on someone else’s beliefs.

You see the thing is, sometimes my Superhero emerges in conversation with people. However, my inner child has me feeling small, hopeless, frustrated, disappointed by any means. It’s an internal conflict, and I am breaking it down.

My Inner Superhero Goes Like This: ( I love Sailor Moon btw)

Sonia, you are a force of nature, fun, flirty, magical, intuitive, authentic, connected and SEXY. You are so sure of what you are looking for, and because of that, you never settled for the first, second, third or even fourth opportunity that came your way. You have a fantastic mindset and understanding of the world in that it is abundant and there are plenty of choices and opportunities available for you. When one door closes, another door opens directing you to your hearts desires. You are mastering your intuition and taking a step back before saying yes to anything that feels less than spectacular. You’ve become conscious of what drains you and what excites you. You know deep down in your heart that you don’t have to settle for anything based on your friends, families, or co-workers opinions. On a larger scale, you are closer to being free of expectations with the gift of flexibility in your life. You are free. You will work on a beach because you’ve always wanted to and it will be even better than you had imagined. You will meet amazing souls all over the world who are kind, warm, loving, safe, intelligent and whom live their lives as if today is the best day of their entire lives. You will be welcomed and invited to something bigger than yourself. You want to transform the lives of others and free them from their expectations of themselves. You can inspire the rest of the world to stand up for themselves and choose things like love, joy, freedom, happiness, connection. It is possible for you to instill confidence and courage back into the world that seems to be forgotten. You just need to be patient. The Universe will test you with shiny things and distract you along the way, and it is your job to know when to say No. Ask, and it shall be received. Your problems will be bigger and harder, and with your resilience, you will overcome each one.

At the end of it all, I want someone to say about me, “She overcame all her limitations she imposed on herself and with that, showed others the way to their true hearts desires.”

You always have a choice. Are you going to continue with the story of being a victim of circumstances or are you going to tell your superhero story? You decide.

Let me know what your story is and send me an email at sgrossi.consulting@gmail.com. I’d love to hear from you and how the shoulds have been running your life.

– Sonia

What’s your dream?

What is important to you?

Are you able to answer the question, “what’s important to you” with real confidence? Or do you hesitate before you answer? What’s the struggle there and what do you think that means?

I began a new journey this past weekend as I completed the first coaching training module of a much larger coaching training certificate program. What’s your dream was the icebreaker question, and we had to answer it on demand with a group of strangers on day one. I felt like a deer in headlights.  I signed up to the course with no expectations because I knew very little about the coaching model and I know others who have pursued their certification with the accredited coaching institution. I trusted myself that I was doing the right thing because I had no fear about how it would be for me. What a great place to start!

Before I signed up for the course, I spoke with the Program Advisor and asked her a few questions about the format and delivery and she kindly responded,  “I hope you are comfortable practicing your new skills in front of a large group, because, that’s how we structure our training.” Since I stand in front of large groups of people educating as a trainer in my day job, I thought, this is going to be easy!

Let me just say I am feeling delighted I made this decision, and it couldn’t align more with who I want to be and how I want to serve in this world. The skills I learned even in a short while are valuable to everyday life and go far beyond coaching. This weekend allowed me to honour my values on leadership, connection, authenticity, vulnerability, support, resourceful, ambitious and leadership. Someone in my class called me a go-getter without me even speaking it into existence. Shhh, it’s also one of my signature programs! How ironic 😀 Level three listening for all you coaches out there was on point this weekend.

It amazed me how much we can pick up on each other by focusing on the person and listening to who they truly are. There were no judgments within the group, and I could tell that by the third day, everyone was just themselves. There was no B.S., and we were all just being. It took a bit of time to get to the point of us feeling connected as we were all being trained on coaching each other and sharing personal information to practice our new skills. I was the first practice coaching client for the whole group, and I cried the entire time. I really made things difficult for them! They call this “Sandbox learning.”  Now reflecting back to the experience it was kind of funny how everyone tried to “fix” the problem and not entirely focused on what I needed… they were completely lost …LOL…

I remember saying a few months ago I never want to cry in front of a large group of strangers both men and women. I said this because I attended a women’s retreat last year and I cried so much opening up about myself, and I wondered if I could have done it if both men and women were there. Well, thank you universe for giving me the opportunity to practice my vulnerability in the best way possible!

Being vulnerable was an important lesson I learned over the weekend because when I expressed how I felt about something that was as real as it could be, others in the room were relating to me even though they may experience it in different ways. I spoke to their souls. Naturally, after the sandbox experience, everyone was open and welcoming, and I felt very comfortable and safe. The elephant in the room was removed, and I created the space just to be myself. It was so liberating and fun.

I’ve done these types of workshops in the past, and it’s something I never regret. It feels different, looks different, and is different than most corporate training programs we attend.

I am excited to use what I learned this past weekend into my coaching and training programs for everyone to enjoy the benefits of experiential learning. Asking the right questions are incredibly powerful, and I’ve already begun changing the way I ask them. I can confidently say I have more clarity than ever before and it took a lot of personal development to get me here.

Here are a few steps that got me here:
1. Let go of expectations
2. Do not assume anything
3. Ask the question
4. Let go of toxic people
5. Say No
6. Say Yes
7. Ask for more money
8. Be anyone you want to be as long as it is authentic
9. Put yourself first
10. F&#@ the rules and what others think

So tell me, what’s your dream? Send me an email or comment below and answer this question. I’d love to hear from you and what you are all about! Xoxo

Sonia

Learn to say NO and STOP People Pleasing

Learn to say NO. The hard truth. Lately, I am bombarded with people demanding my attention, time and energy, I’ve had to practice saying no to people and believe me this didn’t come easy. It’s the most liberating feeling once you begin the process of saying NO. At first, you feel really bad about it up until the point you have to say no, but then, when you do, you feel much lighter.

Some of us learned at a very young age that you had to be a certain way with people. In some family circles, and especially if you are a woman, you were taught to take care of everyone else before ever attending to your needs. Some of us felt really bad if we said no to our friends and wanted to focus on ourselves, or maybe, we felt bad when we had to “break up” with a boyfriend or girlfriend and in turn, delayed letting them go. Delays block you off from people and opportunities that are right for you and can potentially move you forward powerfully. Sometimes we make certain choices based on what others want, instead of what we want for ourselves and, unfortunately, delay our goals and aspirations. We want to be there for people absolutely, and I would never advocate for someone not supporting their loved ones. Be in communication with these people to show them you care and that you are there for them, even if they are a little dramatic 😉

What I recommend for anyone who is a People Pleaser who may feel depleted by the demands of others is to get clear on your priorities and goals. Carve out time in your week to focus energy and time on those goals and priorities. Create your recipe for the areas in your life you want to focus on in the next 2 – 3 months. I do this exercise with my coaching clients, and it helps them focus instead of getting overwhelmed with all of the things we have to do. An example of this could be how much time do you want to dedicate to your job search, how much time for romance, recreation, or family? Design your life any way you want that makes sense and feels good for you.

What are the benefits of saying NO:

  1. Have more energy and time to focus on your big picture goals and get what you want
  2. Get clarity in your life by getting rid of anything that you are tolerating
  3. Let go of anything that takes up time and energy in your brain
  4. Begin to feel lighter, breezy, and confident in your decisions
  5. Begin to trust your intuition and feel your way through things rather than reacting to life

What is the impact if you don’t say NO:

  1. Resentment
  2. Anger
  3. Exhausted
  4. Stressed
  5. Overwhelmed
  6. Afraid
  7. Delaying your life’s dreams and goals while the people around you are moving forward – fun!

It’s OK to focus on yourself and what you want. It’s all about balance.

In conclusion, make time for your goals and dreams, and have fun in the process. It’s OK if you feel like you’re not as far ahead of your peers because they are on a different journey than you. As we grow, we change, and we start to learn more about ourselves and what we value. Sometimes, we discover that the people we’ve surrounded ourselves for so long may not fit those values anymore and that is OK too. We keep moving forward and going after what we want to spend our time and energy on, and there is nothing selfish about that – it is your life and depending on your beliefs, you may only get one shot at it so make it count.

-Sonia

 

The Only Time we Have is NOW

I began a new journey about a month ago, and I couldn’t be more excited. I’m a project manager and trainer of a brand new service excellence training program and also  the head facilitator to a bunch of excellent and brilliant people on “customer service.” This role is not only exciting; however, it also gives me the flexibility to focus on my business.  It’s a perfect world of variety, flexibility, and growth. In this role, I have the honor to work with a team that is highly educated, skilled, talented and supportive. I never thought that my life today was possible even a year ago. Let’s just say I’ve done a lot of internal work and yes, it was HARD.

I am experiencing new possibilities, and because of it, I began to think about the time we have today. Even though I am relatively “young” to people who are obviously older in years than me, I can be FAR more productive than I am right now. You see the thing is, we never truly know how long we have in this mind, body, and spirit. Many of us are under the assumption that we have until the end of time, and we will live a normal lifespan of approximatively eighty years old. The reality is, we just don’t know. Now that I am working with people who are far more motivated with their careers than teams I’ve previously worked with, it made me reflect on my life and the choices I made up until now.  I don’t want to wait until I’m a certain age to be making a sufficient income to thrive and work even harder than I am now. It doesn’t make sense to me. It made sense when I first started working in corporate and then I started waking up to consciousness. Moving up that corporate ladder was a reality I no longer wanted to participate in.

My experience is that there are plenty of people wasting time and I truly mean it when I say that. I see them waiting for something better to come along or waiting for their partners to buy them a house or waiting to take a leap of faith into a new opportunity that might change their current circumstances. Please keep in mind these are people who have the means and conditions to change with little to no limitations. One thing they do not realize is that they are not taking responsibility for their lives because they are afraid. Settling becomes their new way of life because shooting for the moon is too hard. Shooting for the moon seems impossible and why rock the boat when you can have what’s already in front of you?  Fear is an ugly place to be in, and every one of us experiences it.  We are meant to create. Fear is something that may have served us when we were younger and couldn’t defend ourselves, but, now as adults we have the skills and consciousness to make better decisions and use our intuition. Try different things in your life that make you uncomfortable. Never showed up to a party by yourself? Try it. Never volunteered at a non-profit because you didn’t have the “time”? Do it. Feeling a bit too comfortable with your situation and convincing yourself you are “happy”… Reach out to me for that one 😉

All we have is today because we do not know what tomorrow will bring. Find your purpose and do at least one thing each day to get yourself there. Dream, vision, raise your vibrational frequency by taking care of yourself and surround yourself with people who have a higher standard. Play a bigger game because you can. Playing this type of game is not reserved for people who you think are better than you. You are the only person in this world with your point of view, talent, strength, experience, skill and story. Your past does NOT define you and all the people you once knew, and the choices you made do not dictate who you are TODAY. That is the beauty of our wonderful world and universe because yesterday is gone and we will never get it back. That’s not to say all is forgotten.

I want to leave you with this, stop wasting time doing the same things you’ve also always done because it’s comfortable and you think you have everything you’ve always wanted. Almost all of us were told the story, “this is how you should live your life.”  It doesn’t have to be that way, and it can be any which way you want. The thing you have to prepare yourself for is not caring what other people think because taking on something different will freak people out.

Get out there and go after what and who you want to be around. Help the people you want to help. Let go of people who bring you down, don’t support you, and gossip behind your back because they do not matter. I honestly thought my life at some point was the way life was supposed to be and let me tell you, it wasn’t good. The people I surrounded myself made me think that they were the only ones who could be my friends in this world and not only until I spread my wings and met some pretty amazing people in my life did things change. If you’re with someone, and you don’t want the same things (i.e. white picket fence and two kids in approximately two years) or don’t have the same values, please tell them that and move on. They deserve to find someone who lights their fire and who will commit to them the way they’ve already dreamed. So do you.  If you think by being with them is not hurting them because you aren’t ending the relationship, you’re wrong. You are already hurting them because you still need to let go of that relationship and your soul wants something different. If you want to start the process of changing in the now in your work, life, and relationships, please send me an email, and we will talk.
-Love Sonia

The Digital Age is Only a Filter

The Digital Age is Only a Filter

So I’m talking to a colleague of mine recently about dating. She’s someone in a long-term relationship asking me the single person what my experience has been. She’s interested to know what it’s like for us single gals and wants to compare my experiences to those of her girlfriends. She gives me advice, recommendations, and laughs at some of my stories as I share about recent dates I’ve so courageously experienced. Man, the conversation truly de-energized me. Just to even speak of some of the things I experienced was almost painful. Her advice was rather helpful, I must say.

One of the things that came up in conversation was that some of her friends tried online dating. I am a culprit of the online dating apps which have yet to be successful, and I have recently taken a break from it. I made a comment about how men (and I’m sure women do this as well)  post these overly adventurous pictures of themselves. Things like snowboarding, skydiving, playing the guitar, rock climbing, traveling, playing the piano, playing sports, out at sports events, bungee jumping, you get the drift. It honestly made us laugh. We laughed because through the online world; we are putting filters on our lives to show people who we truly are NOT. The disappointing part of all of this is that when you meet these people who have these types of profiles, you realize they are not really at all as exciting as their profile pictures make them be. Quite personally, I love men who value health and being active, however, if they were obsessed as some of their profile photos make them seem, I wouldn’t date them anyways. The challenge with online dating is that we are so quick to judge and we THINK there are so many options. Or do we? We have an endless perceived choice which is different than having the real choices we want. Real dateable options are few and far between.

It made me think more about the social media world and the reality we believe we are living. The discussion has been going on for a LONG time, and it can take very different angles. My take is that we are becoming obsessed with social media, creeping social media, portraying that our lives are far more exciting than they are, and we are addicted to our phones. SERIOUSLY – put your phones away when you are out with people it is SO rude. Unless there is an emergency or you need to check up on your sick child then fine, keep your phone handy.

I see it, you see it, we all see it ALL THE TIME. We post the best parts of our lives to FEEL better about ourselves. I had a friend ages ago give me advice about what to post and what not to post on social media from her perspective of an external world. She would say things like, “I would never post that outfit on Instagram, take it down, Sonia.” OK, sure ma’am you’re the boss. Many of us have ulterior motives as to why we post individual photos or videos on social media. Some of us want our exes to know we are having WAY more fun without them. Some of us use it to attract more clients. Some of us post ourselves “out” at special events for others to feel bad that they are not there with us. On the receiving end, we get constant snapchat updates from people we know having fun at places we did not receive an invite for in the first place. I see it all the time with my clients. It can be considered a form of bullying except it’s online instead of in-person. Some of us post certain things to invoke a particular emotion in another human being like jealousy or envy. I sometimes reflect back to the way things were for me before the internet became a big deal when I was a kid. That was a much simpler time; however, kids were mean to your face or behind your back. A different set of problems came from that era, and I can ONLY imagine what it’s like to be a kid nowadays.

However, on the flip side social media can be used for good. We can now share our stories and inspire others to make positive changes in their lives. We can use social media to find and build our tribes and be a part of a larger community which is what the world needs. We can help people through our stories and show people that they are not alone. Social media is a tool we can use to make a living by sharing these stories, promoting ourselves, and letting the world get to know us. We can use it to have discussions and debates and learn from one another in a respectful way.  Trust me; there are a TON of benefits of social media if we are using it in the right way.

I want to leave you with this. Don’t worry about what your friends are posting online or even what your exes post. Don’t compare yourself to others because their social media profiles seem exciting and interesting. It is not real. 98% of us use social media as a way for others to perceive us in a certain way and this is very easy to do. Focus on yourself, believe in yourself, and honestly turn off your phones at the dinner table. You’ll feel better about it.
-Sonia