What are men for?

Hi there,

Regarding the content you are about to read, it is raw and open. I am merely expressing my views on relationships as I see this as the largest spoken topic in our current culture even for myself. Relationships are an important area of my life I’ve been exploring my entire life. People are obsessed with relationships and so many are seeking to find their dream man or woman as we know to be true from Disney movies. Sorry Disney, but you kind of did us a disservice.

I see relationships differently than the status quo. You see the problem why I had trouble envisioning what happened after Cinderella married her Prince, or Ariel marrying Prince Eric or Jasmine and Aladdin pairing up is what happens after that? It’s like OK so now what? All this courtship, romance, barriers to overcome in the face of love and then it’s a happily ever after story. Then we compare this to what happens after with the people around us. It may not look like a happily ever after story after all.

Let me tell you what I see. I have never been someone who will settle for anything less than spectacular and many people know this about me, especially when it comes to relationships. I’ve been a woman who goes against the grain and let me tell you it’s fabulous. I’ve always been a hopeless romantic (secretly) and have wondered how it would feel for a man to court and pursue a woman. I wondered what it would be like for a person to invest his time, and express his romantic and sweet side. Someone you can be friends with and be attracted to emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Sounds magical. Someone fun, spontaneous, and has a hunger for life and wants to experience life to its full potential. Someone who is hardworking, committed, and ambitious. He knows the value of money, creative with finances and knows exactly how he wants to spend his money by living out his dreams through what he values. This is the guy who knows his values and is building a life to reflect what is important to him. Someone who knows that society, family, and friends create our limitations and that we can make any amount of desired money, have an amazing career, have nurturing friendships and supportive families, and live in a comfortable living situation as long as we are willing to put in the work. You are not a victim of circumstance, however, a creator of your life. Anything you want to experience in this life you can make it happen.

If I’m honest, I’m not looking for someone to compliment my financial stability, even though that is what women have been taught to look for in a man. They tell us, “Look for the man that can take care of you financially, he’s a keeper.” Although this is enticing, I will make my amount of money thank you! I am also not looking for a man who depends on his Mommy either. Men who are hopeless in taking care of themselves can lack certain skills for adulthood. Believe me; there are lots of men AND women still out there like this in their late twenties and thirties and it ain’t attractive. Women for years learned that we need to take care of our man. We cook, clean, organize, plan (because they don’t know how to apparently), and drop everything for a guy because how else are you going to keep him interested? The list here could go on…if you know what I’m saying. If you do your own thing for a few days, he might believe you aren’t interested in him anymore and not spending enough time with him. Ugh..this guy is annoying and to be honest, I’m not at all interested.

I was never interested in being just someone’s “girlfriend.” I was also never interested in being the “cool girl” or “hot girl.” I asked a guy I was dating once in the beginning what it was he liked about me. His response, “You’re cool, you paid for my movie ticket.” My thoughts, “Yeah thanks. I paid because your card bounced back having no money on date 3 and I’m far more interesting than my bank account.” True story. I don’t want to hang out in your parent’s basement and watch TV shows with you every night. I don’t want to “hang out” with you because you’re too afraid to ask a woman on a real date for fear of being rejected or because you have “options”. Oh and I can’t stand the ambivalence of asking people out now. For instance, “Let’s hang only if you want to” or “Let me know if you are free and want to do this again” I get it. We think we have a ton of options at our fingertips and we are afraid of rejection so we come up with low investment ways to spend our time with other people. To be honest, if I’m going to go out of my way to meet up with someone I hardly know, that’s a big deal and a huge time investment. Modern dating has a new set of “unspoken rules” and for a woman who is looking for the real deal, it can be very frustrating. I will not be the woman who enables you to stay the same and comfortable. I used to think the guy who lets me do what I want at the expense of his happiness was admirable; now I find it sad. Don’t be a pushover.  I want to be pushed outside of my comfort zone and be my greatest hero, and I want to be able to do the same for you. I want tough love, and I want to hear the truth even when it hurts. I want to know how you feel about things and not be afraid to say it. I want the guy who goes after what he wants and has confidence, because it’s hella sexy. I want an equal. I’m not interested in picking the guy that’s available and seems OK out of mere convenience just because he seems interested and I’m single. That’s just not me. I’m looking for the real thing, something deep and connected. Something that’s going to push me to my ultimate limits in love and someone who appreciates vulnerability and all of my beautiful gifts and flaws. That extraordinary love. Not convenience love.

My Old Beliefs:

  1. Men are for financial stability
  2. Men are only interested in you if you are overly promiscuous
  3. Men at 30 and beyond don’t date women who don’t own their own place
  4. Men expect something from you (this is highly due to my early experiences which took me a very long to heal from)
  5. It’s REALLY HARD to find a man who respects you and loves you
  6. Men don’t want to be friends first. They’d rather be something else with you first.
  7. Men have a ton of options you are competing with
  8. Men get bored easily
  9. Men are egotistical
  10. Men are terrible at planning and taking initiative
  11. Because I am beautiful, men should do what I want
  12. I don’t need a man because I am independent (YEAH!)
  13. Men are never over their ex-girlfriends
  14. Men act like victims when they find me
  15. Men who are single at my age and above means there is something terribly wrong with them (believe me I’m not proud of this one either)

What are the results of these beliefs? Answer: I’ve met men exactly like my beliefs, and I’ve been disappointed every time. I also created a story that all men were bad when in fact this is not true. Then I wonder where all the good ones are? So I gave up on love for awhile.  With all that to say, I’m here to tell you that I have a new story and it’s WAY more exciting than the old one I’ve been telling myself.

Being single is not a bad thing. It’s not a sad thing. It doesn’t make you incomplete. There is nothing wrong with you if you are single. You are not broken and you sure as hell do not need to rush out there and find someone. That mentality needs to shift. I always felt like people who were in relationships had something more than me because they had a “partner” and I didn’t. This is partly because people who are in relationships think they are one higher or one up than a single person and that they have it all figured out. When the truth is, I’m doing the internal work that most people avoid their whole lives because they are afraid to look within. They are afraid of looking at who they are with as they may not be the one they really want to be with deep down inside. You always intuitively know this and yet we keep moving along on autopilot as time passes you by.  Since they are afraid to do the work, they stay the same, wonder why they aren’t happy and why after 5 years their “partner” just doesn’t do it for them anymore. I’m still doing the work and figuring out my purpose, who I am, and what I am here to do and it’s not about someone else or #relationshipgoals. Although sometimes relationship goals have a nice ring to it. It’s about me and I know that deep in my heart there are a ton of amazing available men looking for someone like me because guess what, I’m awesome.

My New Story:

  1. Men are for friendship
  2. Men are for vulnerability
  3. Men are for adventure
  4. Men are for fun
  5. Men are for intelligent conversations
  6. Men are for new experiences
  7. Men are for romance
  8. Men are for self-expression
  9. Men can communicate how they feel (sometimes)
  10. Men are great allies for your self-development
  11. Men are great at enhancing your experience of life
  12. Men are my equal

Given my new story, I am now looking for proof! When I reflect back to the people in my life who have excited me, they fall in line with my new story beliefs. Those are the people I love to meet and spend time with 😀 I’m keeping it real and low stakes with men for the time being.

So tell me, what old stories are keeping you safe and sound? Do you think all the good ones are taken? Do you think you’ve missed the boat? Are you frustrated with all the wasted time and energy spent on Tinder and Bumble?

Comment below or send me an email, I’d love to help you turn those beliefs around one step at a time. You can change your thoughts and feelings to experience anything you think is just a dream and not your reality.

-Sonia

Be Your Superhero

Hi there,

Back in the day, I watched Sailor Moon everyday after school at 4PM btw.  She was a Japanese anime character with two identities. One identity was her regular life as a teenager in high school and the other as Sailor Moon, the superhero. When danger reared its ugly head, she used her inner leader to save the world. I wanted her magic pen that allowed her to change into any outfit she desired. Enough of that though..

What if I told you that the only person standing in your way of your dreams is you? What if I said that the only reason you aren’t making more money is you? What if I told you the only reason you are not experiencing your dream relationship is you?

How do you feel now? Hopeless, frustrated, disappointed, uneasy with the decisions you’ve made along the way. At some point did you stop and look at your life and say to yourself, who’s life am I living anyway? Is the life I’ve created for myself the life I want to be living or one that’s expected of me?

Some may argue that in order to get ahead; you need to have certain things in place before you can do that. You need money, education (possibly a Masters Degree these days), access to people who can connect you with the right people to gain access to incredible opportunities, work very hard to get the corner office on the 21st floor with a fantastic view. To experience the relationship of your dreams, you need to be skinnier, smarter, prettier, wealthier; otherwise, that person you are seeking might not consider you at all. There are A TON of preconceived notions of what you need to live life a certain way because let’s face it; the world is “unfair.”

Want to know a secret? How many of the things you think you want, can honestly say you want that for yourself? I could bet you if you took a look at the things you want to experience in this life, it might look different than what your life “should” be.

Here are some of the things I thought I had wanted before I hit 30:
1. A marriage with children
2. A four bedroom house
3. A leadership role in a large organization
4. The perfect body
5. A stable substantial income each month
6. A summer home
7. Tons of friends who come to my four bedroom home for dinner parties with their partners/husbands

Honestly, the list could go on, but I digress. As you can see, I am not 30 (in a few weeks!), and I am not on my way to marriage anytime soon, owning a four bedroom home, having a second home, or even friends who are married! Does it make me feel sad, frustrated, and disappointed? It sure does. The “should haves” I’ve pointed out are all the expectations I’ve put on myself. These are expectations I thought I should be experiencing at my age and they are a terrible way to look at my life.

It’s an awful feeling to feel like you are not at a certain level of what’s expected of you. And you feel as if you are kind of behind the eight ball. But everyone else is doing it you might say! So there must be something wrong with me if I don’t have any of those things, right?

I knew people in my earlier high school years who married in their early to mid-twenties and had made or on the way to make families. Bought a home, had a 9-5 job and took the vacation with their families once or twice a year. Every time I go to a cousin’s bridal shower or wedding (and I have plenty of relatives), I always get asked where my Mr. Right is, and if I don’t hurry up, it will be too late to live out my happy ending because single does not = happiness. I’ve also had “friends,” say to me, “Ugh I am so glad I’m not single anymore, it’s brutal out there.” What gives people?

What I am learning is that the environment in which I was surrounded by as a child was a tiny population of how the rest of the world lives their lives. We bought into the idea that life comes with a lot of shoulds and if you didn’t have them, you are a failure, so you better hurry up and marry the next guy that approaches you. You also better save all of your money and buy a house at 25 because then what else are you going to do? It’s all rigged by fear.

I had a beautiful young lady ask me the other day if I regret not finding “The One” earlier on in my years as she too is struggling to find a partner in her early twenties. My honest answer was No. I explained to her that if I choose to settle down with any of the men I’ve met along the way, my life would be completely different. I also shared that I always knew I wanted more of a relationship and the prospects around at each stage of my life were not candidates who could give that to me. There was still a lot of internal work to do. Only in my late twenties have I focused on myself and my self-discovery and uncovered what I want to experience in this life. The pressures we feel comes from our family, friends, and what we see on media as “acceptable.” These ideas we buy into are the only way to true happiness as it may seem from an external view.

It takes the time to feel your way through the pain you’ve experienced as a child, to heal and to let go. It also takes, even more time to find out who you are and not what you think you are based on someone else’s beliefs.

You see the thing is, sometimes my Superhero emerges in conversation with people. However, my inner child has me feeling small, hopeless, frustrated, disappointed by any means. It’s an internal conflict, and I am breaking it down.

My Inner Superhero Goes Like This: ( I love Sailor Moon btw)

Sonia, you are a force of nature, fun, flirty, magical, intuitive, authentic, connected and SEXY. You are so sure of what you are looking for, and because of that, you never settled for the first, second, third or even fourth opportunity that came your way. You have a fantastic mindset and understanding of the world in that it is abundant and there are plenty of choices and opportunities available for you. When one door closes, another door opens directing you to your hearts desires. You are mastering your intuition and taking a step back before saying yes to anything that feels less than spectacular. You’ve become conscious of what drains you and what excites you. You know deep down in your heart that you don’t have to settle for anything based on your friends, families, or co-workers opinions. On a larger scale, you are closer to being free of expectations with the gift of flexibility in your life. You are free. You will work on a beach because you’ve always wanted to and it will be even better than you had imagined. You will meet amazing souls all over the world who are kind, warm, loving, safe, intelligent and whom live their lives as if today is the best day of their entire lives. You will be welcomed and invited to something bigger than yourself. You want to transform the lives of others and free them from their expectations of themselves. You can inspire the rest of the world to stand up for themselves and choose things like love, joy, freedom, happiness, connection. It is possible for you to instill confidence and courage back into the world that seems to be forgotten. You just need to be patient. The Universe will test you with shiny things and distract you along the way, and it is your job to know when to say No. Ask, and it shall be received. Your problems will be bigger and harder, and with your resilience, you will overcome each one.

At the end of it all, I want someone to say about me, “She overcame all her limitations she imposed on herself and with that, showed others the way to their true hearts desires.”

You always have a choice. Are you going to continue with the story of being a victim of circumstances or are you going to tell your superhero story? You decide.

Let me know what your story is and send me an email at sgrossi.consulting@gmail.com. I’d love to hear from you and how the shoulds have been running your life.

– Sonia

What’s your dream?

What is important to you?

Are you able to answer the question, “what’s important to you” with real confidence? Or do you hesitate before you answer? What’s the struggle there and what do you think that means?

I began a new journey this past weekend as I completed the first coaching training module of a much larger coaching training certificate program. What’s your dream was the icebreaker question, and we had to answer it on demand with a group of strangers on day one. I felt like a deer in headlights.  I signed up to the course with no expectations because I knew very little about the coaching model and I know others who have pursued their certification with the accredited coaching institution. I trusted myself that I was doing the right thing because I had no fear about how it would be for me. What a great place to start!

Before I signed up for the course, I spoke with the Program Advisor and asked her a few questions about the format and delivery and she kindly responded,  “I hope you are comfortable practicing your new skills in front of a large group, because, that’s how we structure our training.” Since I stand in front of large groups of people educating as a trainer in my day job, I thought, this is going to be easy!

Let me just say I am feeling delighted I made this decision, and it couldn’t align more with who I want to be and how I want to serve in this world. The skills I learned even in a short while are valuable to everyday life and go far beyond coaching. This weekend allowed me to honour my values on leadership, connection, authenticity, vulnerability, support, resourceful, ambitious and leadership. Someone in my class called me a go-getter without me even speaking it into existence. Shhh, it’s also one of my signature programs! How ironic 😀 Level three listening for all you coaches out there was on point this weekend.

It amazed me how much we can pick up on each other by focusing on the person and listening to who they truly are. There were no judgments within the group, and I could tell that by the third day, everyone was just themselves. There was no B.S., and we were all just being. It took a bit of time to get to the point of us feeling connected as we were all being trained on coaching each other and sharing personal information to practice our new skills. I was the first practice coaching client for the whole group, and I cried the entire time. I really made things difficult for them! They call this “Sandbox learning.”  Now reflecting back to the experience it was kind of funny how everyone tried to “fix” the problem and not entirely focused on what I needed… they were completely lost …LOL…

I remember saying a few months ago I never want to cry in front of a large group of strangers both men and women. I said this because I attended a women’s retreat last year and I cried so much opening up about myself, and I wondered if I could have done it if both men and women were there. Well, thank you universe for giving me the opportunity to practice my vulnerability in the best way possible!

Being vulnerable was an important lesson I learned over the weekend because when I expressed how I felt about something that was as real as it could be, others in the room were relating to me even though they may experience it in different ways. I spoke to their souls. Naturally, after the sandbox experience, everyone was open and welcoming, and I felt very comfortable and safe. The elephant in the room was removed, and I created the space just to be myself. It was so liberating and fun.

I’ve done these types of workshops in the past, and it’s something I never regret. It feels different, looks different, and is different than most corporate training programs we attend.

I am excited to use what I learned this past weekend into my coaching and training programs for everyone to enjoy the benefits of experiential learning. Asking the right questions are incredibly powerful, and I’ve already begun changing the way I ask them. I can confidently say I have more clarity than ever before and it took a lot of personal development to get me here.

Here are a few steps that got me here:
1. Let go of expectations
2. Do not assume anything
3. Ask the question
4. Let go of toxic people
5. Say No
6. Say Yes
7. Ask for more money
8. Be anyone you want to be as long as it is authentic
9. Put yourself first
10. F&#@ the rules and what others think

So tell me, what’s your dream? Send me an email or comment below and answer this question. I’d love to hear from you and what you are all about! Xoxo

Sonia

Learn to say NO and STOP People Pleasing

Learn to say NO. The hard truth. Lately, I am bombarded with people demanding my attention, time and energy, I’ve had to practice saying no to people and believe me this didn’t come easy. It’s the most liberating feeling once you begin the process of saying NO. At first, you feel really bad about it up until the point you have to say no, but then, when you do, you feel much lighter.

Some of us learned at a very young age that you had to be a certain way with people. In some family circles, and especially if you are a woman, you were taught to take care of everyone else before ever attending to your needs. Some of us felt really bad if we said no to our friends and wanted to focus on ourselves, or maybe, we felt bad when we had to “break up” with a boyfriend or girlfriend and in turn, delayed letting them go. Delays block you off from people and opportunities that are right for you and can potentially move you forward powerfully. Sometimes we make certain choices based on what others want, instead of what we want for ourselves and, unfortunately, delay our goals and aspirations. We want to be there for people absolutely, and I would never advocate for someone not supporting their loved ones. Be in communication with these people to show them you care and that you are there for them, even if they are a little dramatic 😉

What I recommend for anyone who is a People Pleaser who may feel depleted by the demands of others is to get clear on your priorities and goals. Carve out time in your week to focus energy and time on those goals and priorities. Create your recipe for the areas in your life you want to focus on in the next 2 – 3 months. I do this exercise with my coaching clients, and it helps them focus instead of getting overwhelmed with all of the things we have to do. An example of this could be how much time do you want to dedicate to your job search, how much time for romance, recreation, or family? Design your life any way you want that makes sense and feels good for you.

What are the benefits of saying NO:

  1. Have more energy and time to focus on your big picture goals and get what you want
  2. Get clarity in your life by getting rid of anything that you are tolerating
  3. Let go of anything that takes up time and energy in your brain
  4. Begin to feel lighter, breezy, and confident in your decisions
  5. Begin to trust your intuition and feel your way through things rather than reacting to life

What is the impact if you don’t say NO:

  1. Resentment
  2. Anger
  3. Exhausted
  4. Stressed
  5. Overwhelmed
  6. Afraid
  7. Delaying your life’s dreams and goals while the people around you are moving forward – fun!

It’s OK to focus on yourself and what you want. It’s all about balance.

In conclusion, make time for your goals and dreams, and have fun in the process. It’s OK if you feel like you’re not as far ahead of your peers because they are on a different journey than you. As we grow, we change, and we start to learn more about ourselves and what we value. Sometimes, we discover that the people we’ve surrounded ourselves for so long may not fit those values anymore and that is OK too. We keep moving forward and going after what we want to spend our time and energy on, and there is nothing selfish about that – it is your life and depending on your beliefs, you may only get one shot at it so make it count.

-Sonia

 

The Only Time we Have is NOW

I began a new journey about a month ago, and I couldn’t be more excited. I’m a project manager and trainer of a brand new service excellence training program and also  the head facilitator to a bunch of excellent and brilliant people on “customer service.” This role is not only exciting; however, it also gives me the flexibility to focus on my business.  It’s a perfect world of variety, flexibility, and growth. In this role, I have the honor to work with a team that is highly educated, skilled, talented and supportive. I never thought that my life today was possible even a year ago. Let’s just say I’ve done a lot of internal work and yes, it was HARD.

I am experiencing new possibilities, and because of it, I began to think about the time we have today. Even though I am relatively “young” to people who are obviously older in years than me, I can be FAR more productive than I am right now. You see the thing is, we never truly know how long we have in this mind, body, and spirit. Many of us are under the assumption that we have until the end of time, and we will live a normal lifespan of approximatively eighty years old. The reality is, we just don’t know. Now that I am working with people who are far more motivated with their careers than teams I’ve previously worked with, it made me reflect on my life and the choices I made up until now.  I don’t want to wait until I’m a certain age to be making a sufficient income to thrive and work even harder than I am now. It doesn’t make sense to me. It made sense when I first started working in corporate and then I started waking up to consciousness. Moving up that corporate ladder was a reality I no longer wanted to participate in.

My experience is that there are plenty of people wasting time and I truly mean it when I say that. I see them waiting for something better to come along or waiting for their partners to buy them a house or waiting to take a leap of faith into a new opportunity that might change their current circumstances. Please keep in mind these are people who have the means and conditions to change with little to no limitations. One thing they do not realize is that they are not taking responsibility for their lives because they are afraid. Settling becomes their new way of life because shooting for the moon is too hard. Shooting for the moon seems impossible and why rock the boat when you can have what’s already in front of you?  Fear is an ugly place to be in, and every one of us experiences it.  We are meant to create. Fear is something that may have served us when we were younger and couldn’t defend ourselves, but, now as adults we have the skills and consciousness to make better decisions and use our intuition. Try different things in your life that make you uncomfortable. Never showed up to a party by yourself? Try it. Never volunteered at a non-profit because you didn’t have the “time”? Do it. Feeling a bit too comfortable with your situation and convincing yourself you are “happy”… Reach out to me for that one 😉

All we have is today because we do not know what tomorrow will bring. Find your purpose and do at least one thing each day to get yourself there. Dream, vision, raise your vibrational frequency by taking care of yourself and surround yourself with people who have a higher standard. Play a bigger game because you can. Playing this type of game is not reserved for people who you think are better than you. You are the only person in this world with your point of view, talent, strength, experience, skill and story. Your past does NOT define you and all the people you once knew, and the choices you made do not dictate who you are TODAY. That is the beauty of our wonderful world and universe because yesterday is gone and we will never get it back. That’s not to say all is forgotten.

I want to leave you with this, stop wasting time doing the same things you’ve also always done because it’s comfortable and you think you have everything you’ve always wanted. Almost all of us were told the story, “this is how you should live your life.”  It doesn’t have to be that way, and it can be any which way you want. The thing you have to prepare yourself for is not caring what other people think because taking on something different will freak people out.

Get out there and go after what and who you want to be around. Help the people you want to help. Let go of people who bring you down, don’t support you, and gossip behind your back because they do not matter. I honestly thought my life at some point was the way life was supposed to be and let me tell you, it wasn’t good. The people I surrounded myself made me think that they were the only ones who could be my friends in this world and not only until I spread my wings and met some pretty amazing people in my life did things change. If you’re with someone, and you don’t want the same things (i.e. white picket fence and two kids in approximately two years) or don’t have the same values, please tell them that and move on. They deserve to find someone who lights their fire and who will commit to them the way they’ve already dreamed. So do you.  If you think by being with them is not hurting them because you aren’t ending the relationship, you’re wrong. You are already hurting them because you still need to let go of that relationship and your soul wants something different. If you want to start the process of changing in the now in your work, life, and relationships, please send me an email, and we will talk.
-Love Sonia

The Digital Age is Only a Filter

The Digital Age is Only a Filter

So I’m talking to a colleague of mine recently about dating. She’s someone in a long-term relationship asking me the single person what my experience has been. She’s interested to know what it’s like for us single gals and wants to compare my experiences to those of her girlfriends. She gives me advice, recommendations, and laughs at some of my stories as I share about recent dates I’ve so courageously experienced. Man, the conversation truly de-energized me. Just to even speak of some of the things I experienced was almost painful. Her advice was rather helpful, I must say.

One of the things that came up in conversation was that some of her friends tried online dating. I am a culprit of the online dating apps which have yet to be successful, and I have recently taken a break from it. I made a comment about how men (and I’m sure women do this as well)  post these overly adventurous pictures of themselves. Things like snowboarding, skydiving, playing the guitar, rock climbing, traveling, playing the piano, playing sports, out at sports events, bungee jumping, you get the drift. It honestly made us laugh. We laughed because through the online world; we are putting filters on our lives to show people who we truly are NOT. The disappointing part of all of this is that when you meet these people who have these types of profiles, you realize they are not really at all as exciting as their profile pictures make them be. Quite personally, I love men who value health and being active, however, if they were obsessed as some of their profile photos make them seem, I wouldn’t date them anyways. The challenge with online dating is that we are so quick to judge and we THINK there are so many options. Or do we? We have an endless perceived choice which is different than having the real choices we want. Real dateable options are few and far between.

It made me think more about the social media world and the reality we believe we are living. The discussion has been going on for a LONG time, and it can take very different angles. My take is that we are becoming obsessed with social media, creeping social media, portraying that our lives are far more exciting than they are, and we are addicted to our phones. SERIOUSLY – put your phones away when you are out with people it is SO rude. Unless there is an emergency or you need to check up on your sick child then fine, keep your phone handy.

I see it, you see it, we all see it ALL THE TIME. We post the best parts of our lives to FEEL better about ourselves. I had a friend ages ago give me advice about what to post and what not to post on social media from her perspective of an external world. She would say things like, “I would never post that outfit on Instagram, take it down, Sonia.” OK, sure ma’am you’re the boss. Many of us have ulterior motives as to why we post individual photos or videos on social media. Some of us want our exes to know we are having WAY more fun without them. Some of us use it to attract more clients. Some of us post ourselves “out” at special events for others to feel bad that they are not there with us. On the receiving end, we get constant snapchat updates from people we know having fun at places we did not receive an invite for in the first place. I see it all the time with my clients. It can be considered a form of bullying except it’s online instead of in-person. Some of us post certain things to invoke a particular emotion in another human being like jealousy or envy. I sometimes reflect back to the way things were for me before the internet became a big deal when I was a kid. That was a much simpler time; however, kids were mean to your face or behind your back. A different set of problems came from that era, and I can ONLY imagine what it’s like to be a kid nowadays.

However, on the flip side social media can be used for good. We can now share our stories and inspire others to make positive changes in their lives. We can use social media to find and build our tribes and be a part of a larger community which is what the world needs. We can help people through our stories and show people that they are not alone. Social media is a tool we can use to make a living by sharing these stories, promoting ourselves, and letting the world get to know us. We can use it to have discussions and debates and learn from one another in a respectful way.  Trust me; there are a TON of benefits of social media if we are using it in the right way.

I want to leave you with this. Don’t worry about what your friends are posting online or even what your exes post. Don’t compare yourself to others because their social media profiles seem exciting and interesting. It is not real. 98% of us use social media as a way for others to perceive us in a certain way and this is very easy to do. Focus on yourself, believe in yourself, and honestly turn off your phones at the dinner table. You’ll feel better about it.
-Sonia

Who you are is how you want to feel and who you are being

Who you are is how you want to feel and who you are being

What types of feelings are you experiencing right now?

Are you feeling stressed, overwhelmed, frustrated, angry, resentment? As if things aren’t going your way?

OR

Are you feeling happy, breezy, excited, brilliant, sexy? Are you dating, have a great career or business, and feel like nothing can stop you?

I don’t know about you, but, if you are one of those people who constantly tells the story of how overwhelmed you are, than most likely, your life is in chaos and everything from your career or business to relationships are impacted by it and not for the better.

I can’t stand it when people say they are “overwhelmed” even though I used to be one of them. I never used the word overwhelmed, however, I was definitely angry at a lot of things in my life and so my life was a bit of a mess and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Better yet, I thought it was always because of me. This is only partly true 😉

I was recently asked to do an exercise by my Coach and write down how I want to feel in my life. I jotted down a ton of different feelings that resonated for me and broke it down even further.  (This exercise took some time to do, contact me to find out what this is all about!) Anyhow, ever since I completed the exercise, things instantly began to shift for me. Keep in mind I’ve been working with my Coach for awhile so it took some time to even get to this point. My life began a different kind of journey. I showed up as a Leader in interviews and with clients. I was able to Connect with people far better than before. I was Flirtatious and Confident. My life felt Easy and Breezy. I felt Free.  (Words in bold are some of the feelings I wrote down) It was as if all this time, I was looking at life with a different set of lens and NOW, with this new set of lens, I was enhancing every experience in my life. One of the perks of figuring this all out is that you don’t compare yourself to others anymore or at least don’t even care!

Life does not respond positively to you when you feel stressed, overwhelmed, and angry. You will feel tight, constricted and I’m sure with these feelings there is more than one area in your life completely unfulfilled. Misery loves company. Life does not also respond to you the way you want it to. Even if you made all the “right moves” and you studied real hard, spent all this money on your MBA, and are a good person it still does not guarantee for life to respond the way you want it to. You are not entitled to anything just because you’ve done or have certain things already. What I do know is that changing your mindset first is the very most important and necessary thing to do before ANYTHING else. If you want to be living a different life than the one you are living now, there’s some work to do friend and believe me it’s not going to be easy.

I hear my clients talk about what to do with their female friendships. A great barometer for realizing that certain people do not align with who you are is how people make you FEEL. I used to have a number of friends who were very close social circles. Think of mean girls kind of clique. It was filled with joyous drama, jealousy, envy, toxic behaviour and gossip on all fronts. Tons of miscommunication and dramatic arguments over things I cannot recall anymore. I really had to step back and say to myself is this who I am? Do I fit in here? Is this worth it? Or am I meant to have friendships with women who are kind and genuine, positive and supportive, fun and invest in the friendship genuinely? Yeah – I’ll choose girlfriends of the latter thanks!

So that’s what I did and I never looked back. Let go of friends that no longer served me and had different values than I. Now, I feel Connected in my friendships. Remember – connected was one of my feelings. I feel that my friendships are genuine and full of love and support. The real kind of friendships I’ve always wanted, but, never thought it was possible. I also had hard conversations with long-term friends which resulted in growing the relationship further and enriching the friendship. Sometimes you need a little bit of courage to have these conversations AND the practice in how to communicate the difficult things in a healthy way. What’s the result of this? Two friends wanting to improve the friendship and having the “hard” conversation to do so. It’s called being an adult and no one is really at fault.

Friendships are just one example of figuring out what’s going on and what your life is telling you.

What else feels off for you?

If you or someone you know is feeling confused in finding out who you/they are and what you/they want, please send me an email and we’ll talk about it. I’d love to help you on the right path that feels exactly how you want to feel.

Love, Sonia

Saying NO to anything that feels less than Spectacular

Why is this so hard for us to do? Do you say no to anything that feels less than spectacular? I can 100% bet that you aren’t. Let me explain why…

Have you ever left a meeting of some sort whether it’s in business, friendships, or even after a date and you left feeling confused, unsure, afraid? You can’t put your finger on it and if anything, this experience drained you rather than energized you. I know you’ve experienced this and I can bet that you overlooked this feeling and STILL proceeded to move forward even though your intuition & heart was telling you something completely different.

What does the heart know anyways?  … Or maybe you are someone who is confused and is convincing yourself that it feels right, because of whatever experience that troubled you as a child, but in reality it really doesn’t feel right if you take some time to pay attention to your feelings.  Like that guy you’ve been after for a year who still won’t commit… But he’s the one you say to everyone.

WRONG. Your intuition and heart are directly linked to your greater purpose in life, soul and anything and everything you are meant to create for yourself because we all have the power to do so. You have an inner compass for a reason and it sends you signals when something is off and sends you signals when it feels right.

Can you distinguish between the two? Start paying attention.

For example:

You come out of a interview and are unclear of what was asked or why they asked you certain questions. You felt like there was a little bit of tension between the panel or someone seemed like they were going to be a challenge for you to work with based on their personality or their energy. Maybe their energy was off, hostile and sour. You overlook these things because circumstances could impact a lot of things. Then a few days later, you get the job!

Now you are elated because you need the income so bad and you make the decision to take it because let’s face it, no one else is knocking on your door at the moment. However, then you proceed to find out that those signals during your interview were telling you that this may not be a right fit for you and you “should have” rejected the job offer. The salary isn’t even that good anyways.

Picture a different scenario for me:

How about when you go out on a first date and you leave the date feeling like this:

I don’t even know if I like him or what that was even about! Why did he ask me that question, that was odd and it caught me off guard. He asked me to pay for my portion of the bill, how romantic and gentlemanly of him on a first date. Maybe he thinks I prefer to be an independent woman so he’s doing me a favour. Yeah, some guys feel awkward when they pay for the whole bill in front of an independent woman so that’s definitely it. He just wanted to impress me. Either way you are turned off and yet you think there is still a chance for this to work, because you don’t have the energy to keep looking for Mr. Right and meeting someone else who could actually feel spectacular. Who has the whole package anyway? Not many people you know…

Then…. you get a text message the next day and he shares something you both discussed in the evening before which is really cute and ONLY because this person is giving you attention, you overlook all the signs, move forward, and turn it into a relationship. Only to realize that certain signals you were feeling were telling you that this person is not right for you, doesn’t really want the same things as you, has the emotional intelligence as a toddler, has a lot of baggage that they never dealt with and they want you to be the one to “fix them”. The relationship never really feels right nor is it ever spectacular. But seriously, who is going to be as nice and as good to you than the person you’re already with? You’re getting old and the options are getting slim to none. Oh and your biological clock might be ticking too. “tick  tock”. Watch out for the big 3-0.

WRONG.

Something happens after a while when we keep doing these types of things to ourselves and to others. We feel stuck and we feel this was because now we’ve invested so much time and energy in this person or job and if we leave what are we left with? We have to start all over again.

Believe me when I say this that you are left with A LOT more than you think. We as complete and whole human beings have everything we need in the moment. We don’t need another course or another dating retreat or another Master’s Degree to do our best work or to find that ultimate relationship we are all seeking. What we need is to start paying attention to ourselves, figuring out who we are and what we want out of life. Identify our values. Figure out how we want to FEEL everyday and lean into that feeling. We need to raise our vibrational frequencies to attract other high frequency people and opportunities. Trust me…it works!

What makes us have low frequencies:

  • Fear of survival or worrying about the future. Shame about the past or holding onto the past in some way.
  • Limiting or false beliefs like scarcity, powerlessness or victimhood – I have no money is a big one for a lot of people when realistically they do have the money but they are operating out of scarcity, as if they will never have it again. This is why people do not invest in themselves and wonder why they can’t get ahead in life.
  • Criticism and judgment of self and/or others.
  • Feelings of unworthiness.
  • Negative thinking.
  • Not trusting yourself or the Universe.

How can we raise our frequencies:

  • Saying NO to anything that feels less than spectacular.
    • This is listening to your heart who knows what’s best and right for you based on WHO you ARE.
  • Owning your Worth
  • Letting Things Go
  • Healing Past Events
  • Master your Beliefs – this takes practice and time.
  • Take Personal Responsibility – be a leader regardless of circumstances.
  • Follow Your Inner Guidance
  • Embrace Self-expression

And last but not least, Sweet Surrender

You are a beautiful evolving being and more often than not, evolution is a death and re-birthing process – the death of who you are not and the re-birth of who you really are. This means that it is necessary to surrender whatever no longer serves you or supports your highest good. There is nothing to lose and everything to gain.

What I’m doing about all this:

I’m practicing saying no to anything that feels less than spectacular. Let me tell you, it’s hard and I’ve already pissed people off in the process. However, I have more energy than ever before, I’m doing what I’ve always wanted to do and I’m confident in myself by being a force of nature who does not care what others think. I’m helping others see their greatest potentials and to go after their dreams instead of settling for mediocrity. I train people to see something different, upgrade their skills, and be a powerhouse in their professional careers. I am building leaders in this world and am loving it. I trust myself more because I am paying attention to how I feel about people and make a decision quickly to keep going or let it go much faster than before AND I let these people know they are being let go in a positive and polite way. Saying no to anything that feels less than spectacular for me is a learning process because I’ve been conditioned to grab anything that comes my way. Let me tell you, I feel more confident in my decisions than ever before and I don’t waste time “thinking” about things that are not meant to be. Life is short and your life is worth WAY MORE than you’re giving yourself credit for.  You feel me?

Be the change you wish to see in the world – Ghandi

If you or someone you know can benefit from this blog post, please post and share this. Comment below or send me an email at sgrossi.consulting@gmail.com so I can get to know what’s going on in your world.

-Sonia

Your Expectations are Costing you Your Life

“Expectations are the root of all heartache”  – Shakespeare

What happens when you have a certain set of expectations each and every time you take action or step outside of your comfort zone?

Expectations are a slippery slope and can get you into trouble. What do I mean by this?

Sometimes we think that if we do this then we should get something out of it and most of the time, we know exactly what that something looks like before we even enter the situation.

Here are some examples of what I mean:

  1. If we show up to a date for the first time, the person on the other end will automatically like us and will want to be with us right away and show us tons of affection. Trust has not developed at this point.
  2. If we go to a job interview and we “want” the job, we will automatically get it. You are competing against other candidates that want the job just like you.
  3. If we work really hard, work extra hours, and prove ourselves to this person or this company, we will get promoted and be praised for our hard work. Doing these things do NOT guarantee a promotion or praise. Look at the signs and company culture to promote within.
  4. If we keep making the effort with certain people (controlling the outcome) these people will change and want to spend loads of time and effort on us and make us feel special. (like we are chosen) We can’t force people to see in us what we want them to see or appreciate.

One does not equal the other. What feedback are you getting from the Universe about your life? What do people expect of you and what do you expect of them? How is that going for you?

I’ve been told in my past that my expectations were too high and that I “shouldn’t” expect something because of A, B, and C. Fair enough. So why do others expect something from us? We all have different priorities, perceptions, wants and needs so why is it so hard for us not to have expectations. When someone meets our expectations only then we can be happy, right?

Not exactly. Sometimes, we just need to let things be and grow organically. Stop trying to control the situation to be something you want. Stop trying to control the outcome and result because let’s face it, you might be disappointed. NOTE: Not getting the outcome you want does NOT mean you are not good enough to have it. It could mean a number of things, however, self-worth is definitely not one of them. Internalizing that there is something wrong with you because you did not get this thing is not the way to be looking at this. Instead, take a step back and look at the situation for what you learned from it and change your story around it.

When it comes to building relationships with people and building a business with clients, there is something we all need to understand once and for all. I used to be very impatient and wanted everything NOW just because I wanted it. I’ve learned through building my business, dating, and meeting new people that relationship building takes time. Sometimes more time than I’d like it to…

Here are a few things I’ve come to understand that I feel are helpful to share with you if you are someone who has expectations:

Trust is earned not given. Real authentic trust takes time to develop. Building a client base takes time, effort and persistence. Dating is that thing we do to get to know one another and see if we’re a good fit. It takes even more time to build a relationship if that’s what you are looking for and want. Creating new friendships don’t just happen overnight. Friendships take time to develop, needs energy and effort to enrich the bond and discover if you share the same values and interests. That’s not something that can be decided on Day One.

Where is this coming from you might ask?

Let’s just say starting a business truly transforms you and allows you to open up and discover all the habits and thoughts you were once holding onto that were holding you back from what is possible for you. That stuff doesn’t work anymore and when you don’t have a “safety net” of income it’s completely scary. Therefore, you have to unlearn things you’ve been taught in the past and instead learn new things you never even knew existed. In this new way, you are building, creating, developing, exercising confidence muscles that have been broken down from years of conditioning by society, teachers, parents, friends, exes, previous employers etc.

A few of my examples of new lessons:

  • Selling is not what I thought it was. Being who you are, expressing what you believe in and standing for the people you want to serve is how you attract the right clients to you in order to do your most awesome work.
  • It takes a few conversations between you and a potential client to develop trust so that you can really help them.
  • Don’t take things personally.
  • Be who you are and those who don’t agree with you are not meant for you along your journey.
  • Share your story along with hardships and struggles because this is how people relate to you.
  • Anyone who owns a business/company and wants to hire you to do A, B, or C will low ball you at first. Guaranteed. Be prepared to negotiate and know what you want and need before the conversation happens.
  • Help people.
  • Be more giving and open to receiving.
  • Money is a tool. Use it to better yourself.
  • Stepping into your leadership is out of your comfort zone, powerful and totally scary.
  • You do not need to be friends with everyone.
  • Asking for what you are worth is uncomfortable, awkward, and yet totally necessary.
  • Don’t be afraid to walk away.
  • Make time for people who make time for you.
  • When it doesn’t feel right, there’s a reason for it.

In conclusion:

Let go of expectations you have for people and things will start to shift for you in your life. You’ll notice yourself connecting to others in a different way and you can finally just be PRESENT in the moment. Remember, you always have a choice to keep moving forward when it feels right and to stop when it doesn’t feel right.

If you enjoyed this please like, comment below or share it with a friend who may have a lot of expectations 😀

Love, Sonia

The Cloud: Don’t Know What you Want

Don’t know what you want? I call this the cloud and if you’re like most people, you’ve been in the cloud at the very least once in your life. If you are like me, you’ve been in the cloud multiple times!

Knowing what you don’t want creates more of what you don’t want. If you are one of those people who know what you don’t want, it’s definitely a start, but it’s not enough. We create more of what we focus our thoughts and energy on. Focusing more on what you do want is how to to create more of what you want for yourself and in your life.

I’ll give you a small example of how easily I created a vacation for myself because I was specific with my intentions, the experience I wanted to create, and I was committed to creating it. Last year around November/December I began affirming out loud to the Universe that I wanted to travel in March/April. I pictured myself somewhere hot, therefore, down South because Canada ain’t warm right now. Somewhere I can go to a pool or beach and drink mojitos and sugary alcoholic drinks or slushies (yummy), wearing summer dresses, feeling at ease, peaceful, free, and taking excursions to see somewhere I haven’t see before. I pictured the smell of a warm hot summer day by the water, the sound of people having wonderful, fun filled conversations, laughing,  and the list literally went on. I didn’t know exactly WHERE I wanted to go because I was looking for something that fit my budget. I did know that whatever came my way had to FEEL right in order for me to proceed. A few ideas came into play at first and they didn’t end up taking off because I wasn’t 100% sure of the opportunity. It didn’t feel right.  I had almost given up on the idea entirely until one of my good friends shared that she had a few vacation days in April and suggested we go somewhere. I suggested we go somewhere hot and she said as long as the price fits, she was all for it. Now, our budgets weren’t big and I was determined to find a solution. All I asked of my friend was tell me the most amount of money you’re willing to spend. Long story short, we collectively decided on Vegas and I ended up finding something in the perfect location at a great price. Even more than that, I checked my travel points and as it turns out, I had enough to pay for the whole thing!

When we truly commit to something we want, we somehow find a way to get it. That’s how the Universe follows through. This trip became my reality because I asked for it and pictured the spot using all the senses (smell, taste, hear etc.) for how I wanted to feel in the reality that was in the future. The Universe responded multiple times with options, however, I didn’t settle on options that didn’t feel good for me whether it was location, time, or money as examples. Not settling (which is where most of us end the process and decide right then and there) for just any trip that life throws at you is saying, I’m not going to stop until I create my ideal situation.

This lesson can be used for so many other areas in life such as finding a partner or finding a job. So many of us give up for what’s available rather than going after what we really want. We all have the possibility to create anything we want as long as we are being specific.

I can’t even tell you how many times I was looking for any job that would hire me because I had this belief that what I wanted, I was never qualified for or skilled enough to do. The jobs I ended up saying yes to were never the full package and left me angry, resentful, and devalued. Don’t do this to yourself. We spend so much time at work so instead of getting a job that’s going to leave you depleted everyday. Instead, find something that’s going to energize you so you feel alive in all other areas of your life and the people you come home to are no longer something you avoid because “you’ve had a stressful or overwhelming day”. Wishful thinking? No… it’s possible to enjoy what you do, get paid what you deserve and be respected for your hard work.

Getting specific on what you want, who you want to help or serve, and knowing your worth is the best way to navigate the career world. Remember, life will throw opportunities at you and you have to be willing to walk away from the ones that are not aligned with who you are. Just like my vacation example, I didn’t settle on the opportunities that didn’t feel right and I created one that did. I’m totally pumped about it too!

If you want to know how to get out of the cloud, book a discovery session with me or send me an email at sgrossi.consulting@gmail.com and let’s talk.

-Sonia