I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. My family had lasagna AND turkey this year! It was delicious.
I started to practice what I preach ever since I came back from vacation.
One of the big things for me this year was overextending myself, emotionally and mentally. I could have done a lot more excise to extend myself physically, to be honest!
I took on a 25-week training program, which added to my plate of everything else and because there were so many requirements before, during and after the program, it kept me hustling.
I didn’t spend a lot of energy in my love life in the sense of going on 25 first dates like I did last year. I spent more energy in the coaching arena and volunteered a lot in the coaching community. I ran workshops, facilitated more programs and events, and managed to take two vacations this year. I signed up for a 10-month leadership program in 2020 and put down a $1,200.00 deposit to secure my spot. A whirlwind of emotions hit me hard this summer, and I worked through it day by day. There was a lot of crying, and I think it had to do with Mercury in retrograde? I’m not too sure.
One of the things I realized just before I left Toronto to Bali was how much energy I was giving to people who were wishy-washy, flaky, one foot in and one foot out, people who would schedule then cancel, then reschedule and withdraw, and so on. My time and focus were spent on people who were not giving the same love and attention, sort of speak.
That in and of itself is exhausting, and the comical part is that these people had no idea because they aren’t even thinking about it. They go on with their days like everyone else. They move on to their next date, friend, client, swipe left or right, or whoever to talk to next.
My time was bleeding for people who would continuously reschedule, and that goes for friends and clients. I’d leave my schedule and calendar open and with last-minute cancellations and trying to reschedule, it was a mess for me. Think about it: If you have scheduled a coffee date for someone at 3:00 pm on a Tuesday, that means, I have booked off my calendar from 1 to 5:00 PM for that person because of driving in traffic, etc. So now, I lost 4 hours that I could have used for clients or sales prospects, and now I need to open up my calendar again, finding somewhere else that makes sense.
I realized loud and clear the type of people I want to be around and put my energy into, and they aren’t wishy-washy, half in/out, never respond until three months later type of people. The more respect you have for your time, energy and space, the more attractive you become to others. It’s a double-edged sword.
I look at my time and my open-door policy to others as a privilege, not a right. If people want to stay connected to and with me, it’s a two-way street. I have this unique strength and a gift of leadership, initiating, planning, and organizing, which is great and gets things done, but it’s exhausting when you are always the person doing it in relationships.
My new practice and intention for the rest of October are this – I am focusing on receiving and letting others take the lead. If they chose not to take the lead, that’s okay, AND I don’t need to take any action. I am letting it be as it is with trust that everything will work out regardless.
What that looks like:
- No more inconveniencing myself to meet up with someone who initiates a meeting for whatever reason. They can set up a time and place to meet closer to me.
- I’ll respond to people who make an effort to meet, and that might mean picking a place and time and even making a reservation! Wow!
- I will respond to those that give options, for example, Hey, what works best for you? Here’s what I can do… here is plan a, b or c.
- If in the event someone needs to cancel, that’s okay, life happens. Allow them to reschedule and have them offer to meet somewhere closer to me next time.
- I will surround myself with people who are generous and expect very little from me, generous with their time and resources.
- Stay away from people who only hop on the bandwagon with you if you plan and drive them places, nope.
- All in all, people who make an effort, bottom line, AND respect my boundaries and have their own set of boundaries.
Once I started to claim this, I have begun to see people show up who are actually like all the things I want! Yay to claiming and manifesting.
For everyone else that’s not “what I want,” it does not mean I close the door to them. No. It means that these people are not high on the priority list as I used to put them. Make space for your ideal people and let the Universe show you how good it gets. You’ll naturally see that everyone around you will need to step it up to be connected to you, and those that don’t want to, won’t, and now you will know for sure.
P.S. I have a webinar coming up on November 19th that will explore all of these things of how we are in relationship with others. If you want to find out more, click here.
Co-Active Leadership + Life Coach + Facilitator