Should I choose the apple or the doughnut for a snack? Ugh, I don’t want to hurt my teeth biting into that apple. But it’s better for me and has fewer calories. Oh, that doughnut looks delicious, and it would fill me up so nicely. Look at those sprinkles. It kind of reminds me of Homer Simpsons favourite doughnut. Not like that apple. The apple has sugar though too right? Natural sugars! Why… why!!!
What’s a big decision you need to make that is causing emotional turmoil?
- For some, it might be ending a relationship that no longer serves them
- It might be coming to terms with the fact that the relationship isn’t serving your needs anymore.
- It could be to leave your 9-5 job and start working on your dream.
- It could be telling a close friend that you can no longer stand up for the position anymore as their friend.
- It could be buying a home and putting all of your money into the real estate market that at some point is supposed to crash?
- It could be moving to an entirely new city because you’ve exhausted all your resources in the current city you live in.
- Maybe you are afraid of growth, change, success, and are too scared to spend the money to support you in your evolution.
- Maybe it’s officially leaving your parents nest and spending 2,000 dollars to rent a tiny suite in Toronto that you don’t even own, all because you want the lifestyle.
For me, my most recent big decisions were starting a business, hiring a coach and spending thousands of dollars to complete my co-active leadership coach training. Like I mean I spent thousands of dollars to take leadership coach training when I started my business and made zilch at the beginning. It was scary, unknown, unfamiliar, failure was in the back of my head, and everyone around me was living the life. My friends and colleagues were moving up the corporate latter, making big fat corporate salaries with benefits and a profit sharing plan. I was spending my money on survival and felt 100 years behind the eight ball. No thriving here!
Whatever that big decision is that you need to make, it might cause some anxiety, stress, emotional turmoil, and you might feel like actually making that decision is too overwhelming because of all the new things it may include for you to do.
Here’s the thing, I was very good at ignoring what I wanted for years before I did something about it. I avoided my feelings, I didn’t tap into my inner leader who I now help clients tap into as well, and I was basing my decisions and outcomes on what I thought my life should look like on the outside. I see it all the time with my clients, I ask them a question, “How does that make you feel?” and they avoid the issue and give me an explanation instead because of a fear this new information our feelings will provide us with. I wanted to be self-employed and build a coaching practice since 2014 and the turmoil this decision caused me was draining and full of a lot of drama. I officially made the decision this year 2018 where I finally said no more corporate 9-5 jobs and continue on the path to self-employed life, and the anxiety eventually dissipated. However, it was four years that this seed was trying to blossom in my mind and I kept listening to other people and my gremlins that it was never going to happen for me and that making money in a job was the more appropriate answer. The immediate cash from a job would give me the things I wanted quicker, like a down payment for a mortgage, a retirement savings plan, and the money I needed for a vacation once or twice a year.
Here’s what I did to help me be free of the turmoil this decision was giving me:
1. Created a vision and mission that was TRUE to me. I posted a one-pager with the words in my room, my bathroom mirror, my agenda, my planner and I even shared it in my workshops to the participants to continually remind me why I want to build a business and what it would give me.
2. I tried corporate over and over and over again, quitting jobs, taking new jobs, and finishing contracts, it was kind of hilarious. I kept thinking that another company and a better salary would be the thing that would make me stay there. Nope. I exhausted my options with that way of life and realized that it wasn’t allowing me to live my life to my VALUES which includes my version of freedom and flexibility. I wanted more time to enjoy my life, travel, be with friends and family, and have more time for education and personal growth instead of burning out.
3. Realized that no matter which path I choose, whether it be the corporate pool or entrepreneurial river, there will be challenging situations that come up in both. I knew that being in the corporate pool would give me immediate success, safety, stability and money which is all important to me. However, what is more important to me is my life’s purpose and being able to do the work I love to do which eventually will give me the money I desire. Short-term pain for long-term gain. Did I go broke and homeless? No.
4. Realize that I can change my mind at any point. I don’t NEED to stick to one thing forever. I can try and do as many things I want to in my life. That goes for my career and my relationships. There is no fixed variable here. I looked at life as a definitive process, once you pick a job and pick a partner that would be it for life because of my integrity and commitment. There are no guarantees with either, and I don’t want to live my life assuming that it will last forever. One of the reasons why people experience expectation hangovers. Spend more time in the space of now, exploration, learning, and growth. What life will throw at you is coming for you whether you like it or not, it’s all about how you respond.
What I learned is that we are far more capable than we think, resourceful, and creative. We are not broken and do not need to be fixed. My early years taught me that I needed to achieve to be worthy of love and acceptance. I also believed that I wasn’t good enough to have the life I wanted and the people I wanted in it. With these beliefs, I felt undeserving, and a lot of the time I didn’t go after the guys I wanted or jobs I wanted. I settled for the second rate. Now that I’ve reached a new level of consciousness and learned a hell a lot about my leadership, my life is entirely different. I approach people and circumstances differently. I go after the big jobs, I coach women reach a new level of leadership, I support people differently, I flirt with that hot guy in the grocery store, I have a new relationship with friends and family, and I don’t let failure bring me down for DAYS like I used to!
The other day I was at Longo’s preparing myself a salad at the salad bar. I saw a woman behind the counter cutting some pineapple. She looked at me, and I said, “Thank you for preparing this wonderful food.” She smiled so big and responded, “You are very welcome.” That is something I would never have the courage to say, let alone even think of speaking for fear of rejection or judgment. All this to say, I’m glad I made the hard decision to take a different path because it truly changed my life. I learned so much and gained so much. The hard decision is worth it and you’d be surprised what you are really capable of doing.
What is the next hard decision you need to make? Add your comments below.
Join me at my next workshop in Toronto on October 3rd from 6:30 PM – 8:30 PM, Emotional Decoupling Workshop. Early bird tickets are on now until September 28th.
Click here to grab your tickets and learn the tools to attach from your decisions emotionally.