Has your life been on autopilot over the years, more so, many years? I KNOW you weren’t on autopilot as a child. You were curious, carefree, passionate, present, playful, observed everything even. Then something happened. What happened? You bought into an idea of how you should live your life. What does your list of should’s look like?
This list is unique to everyone and different. It’s safe to say that many of you reading this have inherited a list of shoulds along the way as you morphed into an “adult” and are now in some ways paying that price. The cost of living your life this way out of should’s is high, and I bet you are a little dissatisfied and feeling unfulfilled. “But Sonia!”, you might say, “I don’t know what else there is to do and isn’t life supposed to be like this anyway?” Like what? Hard?
I challenge this belief to the core coming from someone who was living their life from a long list of should’s. I honestly and dearly thought this is what I wanted and I felt even WORSE for the fact that I hated everything about it. Why couldn’t I figure it OUT already! Once I finished University, I would get a high paying job, buy a car, buy a condo, find a nice guy, get married, have a baby or two and some time off, go back to work, move up the corporate ladder and be a leader in a company for the better, and maybe even take one to two vacations per year. Delicious eh. Nope.
I began to move towards that path and then realized that I did not enjoy the corporate world. I also didn’t like my friends, the guys I was dating, and I argued with family a lot. I thought there was something wrong with me and that I needed fixing. Anyone I looked up to was fulfilling this life so why couldn’t I be happy with what I had and what I worked so hard to “achieve.” Ugh.
You know what’s more important than the list of shoulds? Something I didn’t even know existed? Something I am having the FULL effect and experiences of now that may necessarily have nothing to do with what I have or have gotten along the way.
Here’s a few: vulnerability, connection, love, encouragement, support, growth, accountability, integrity, nurturing, optimism, positivity, leadership, reciprocity, kindness, appreciation.
I have let go of my should’s and am living life on purpose, and you can too 🙂 Things bust wide open once you claim your purpose and declare your intentions. We just need to be specific and move forward.
Here are some ways I encourage my clients to begin the process of letting go of their should’s:
1. Be unapologetically yourself.
This is what I teach people. It’s OK to be who you are. I know you might be afraid of it because you learned along the way that you aren’t allowed to be yourself. This comes from a place of all the lies you’ve bought into from multiple people in your life. They aren’t true and bullshit. You are THE BOMB!
2. Step outside of your comfort zone over and over and over again.
I sincerely mean this when I say that you aren’t experiencing life to its full potential if you keep yourself small and stick with the routine over and over again. Finding excuses like, I don’t have enough money, I don’t have enough time, I am an introvert, I don’t have enough experience. These excuses will keep you in the same stage of life. You need to take it step by step, but you can build your confidence by taking small actions to expand your comfort zone and have new experiences, meet people, and try out new skills. The reward may not come to you right away, but eventually, you’ll be like WOW! How did I get here? I’ve learned so much about myself! You’ll begin to LOVE yourself again.
3. Let go of the bullshit you are telling yourself.
What I mean by that is that you aren’t good enough or you aren’t deserving enough. You aren’t worthy enough. You aren’t loveable.
Some of the stories I told myself for years was that I wasn’t capable of being in a relationship with a lovable partner. I also believed for years that I didn’t deserve to make a lot of money because I didn’t have enough credentials or experience to do so as various leaders would like to say. I wasn’t good enough to go after the opportunities and date the people I wanted because I wasn’t at their level yet. Another one, I wasn’t deserving of having the experiences I so profoundly desired, and in turn, I couldn’t access the feelings of joy, peace, appreciation, love, gratefulness. Do you see the patterns here? So I kept playing small and would be disappointed when the “small” opportunities didn’t feel right. They served me in some ways. They taught me about what I deserved instead of what I was settling for. They taught me to seek new ways to live in this world that felt completely different. I’m living in a new space and time, a new world sort of speak.
4. Be conscious of your thoughts and choose differently because you can.
Finally, know the difference between your inner critic vs. what your soul/heart wants for you. There is a HUGE difference, and you already know what your soul/heart desires for you, but, you’ve been listening to the logical part of your brain that tells you in some way that you aren’t good enough to have those nice shiny things you want.
Do you want to know what those inner voices sound like? Book a strategy call with me and find out. It will set you free, and you can experience a new way of being in the world without your long list of all the things you once thought you should do.
Here’s the link –> click here to schedule some time with me, talk to you soon.
Sonia, Disruptor and Personal and Professional Coach