But not everyone wants to commit to attending.
Sound familiar? Do you have or HAD friends that always wanted an invite to everything you were doing and then they wouldn’t show? Even better, they wouldn’t tell you that they weren’t coming or tell you very last minute. They are also the people that usually get offended when you are unable to make it to one of their events, and they also don’t invite you or include you to everything. I find that some people tend to feel satisfaction when they say NO to you. It gives them enormous power.
I remember at one of my goodbye parties at a job I was leaving, I had recommended a guest list, and the invites went to only a select few. The aftermath for the people who did NOT receive an invite was horrific. People were so offended. The truth was, I didn’t want them there, and I knew they wouldn’t say yes anyway. In hindsight, I could have invited the whole group, at the same time, I was sending a message which probably wasn’t a good move. Nicely done 26-year-old Sonia. I do remember someone saying to me, “Yeah you pissed off quite a few people with your guest list because you didn’t give them the opportunity to say NO.” He was right. It wasn’t exactly the best move I made; however, it felt good at the time.
I never understood the obsession with wanting to be invited to something you know you aren’t going to attend anyway? When you think about it, isn’t it ruder to consistently decline things you aren’t into? Continually declining events eventually sends a message to the person doing the inviting and ultimately, you’ll stop being asked to come out.
I LOVE outside parties that have lights.
I find that the mindset focuses on you and not the person who genuinely wants you to attend something and share something with you. It’s superficial really. I remember in my early days, gossip spreading once I opened an invitation or organized something and the answer would be no. Shortly after, I’d hear the girls say, “Yeah, Sonia invited me, but I’m not going to that.” It was noted with great satisfaction that they got to say No to someone. As in, I’m cooler than that! At least that was always my interpretation.
All this to say, these are the beautiful people I surround myself with now as a badass disruptor in LIFE.
1. People who follow through
What I mean by this is when you make a plan to meet or speak, generally speaking, unless an emergency comes up, they show up.
They are committed to you in some way, and the feeling of that is incredible.
2. People who follow up
What I mean by this is that if you set a day to meet, and the plans may not be 100%, they reach out in advance and say. “Hey, are we still meeting on Thursday? How about 6:30 PM at that cute coffee shop.” We all get busy, and sometimes, it’s hard to plan things with all of our responsibilities we are juggling around. So when someone follows up with me, I’m like, ” Yay, this person genuinely cares!”
3. People who reciprocate
Relationships and friendships are a two-way street. Always has and always will be. There is no amount of technology that will EVER change this fact. Sometimes, you are not on the receiving end of reciprocity, and that depends on where you stand and what the person gains from you. If you find that you are giving too much in a relationship and feel depleted, you probably are giving too much away. I struggled with this for years because of my people pleasing tendency, and I had a lot of blind spots in my relationships because I put a high value on my relationships and I didn’t want to lose them. I read a book the other day, and it was about having intimacy in relationships. There is a PANDEMIC of young girls struggling to find committed relationships that fulfill their needs as well as their partners as adults. The information was shocking to me because I fall into a lot of the categories of why that is true and what the influencing factors are. #moderndating culture has a lot of cons, and it’s sabotaging women finding something real and genuine, in my personal opinion. I eventually will be speaking about this topic on stage.
4. People who communicate their “why.”
If there is a rupture in the relationship, or something comes up, and this person can’t be there, they tell you why. They pick up the phone, and talk to you (omg people still do that?) and explain their reasons why because they value you as a person and want you to understand what happened. They do not avoid you; they don’t leave you hanging and instead, they take action with the intention of preserving the relationship. It’s an awesome feeling when a person reaches out because, to be honest, it isn’t something that happens often enough, and there is a lack of respect for human beings now more than ever.
5. People who take an initiative
I LOVE people who make an effort to make plans and invite me into their worlds. I genuinely find this a gratifying way to connect with another person and learn more about them. It’s so lovely to see when people want to share experiences with you. Even if its to sit down for dinner and catch up. When someone invites me and says something like, “Hey there is this cool new restaurant and bar I want to try out, want to come with me on Thursday?” Music to my ears. I’ve put a lid on continually organizing events with people because I get tired of being the one who does it. Then people rely on you all the time to set things up and plan from A to Z. Naw, I’m good.
All this to say I find that the social media world has left us more disconnected than ever. Yes, it has become convenient and easy for me to meet new people that I probably would NEVER have met if it wasn’t for the online world. I can share my blog, my work, quotes, ask for advice, look for clients, etc. on this beautiful tool but there is a downside to this. I find that people have become disposable because we think we have so many options and I can cancel plans last minute if something better comes along. What I practice now is that I am intentional about who I keep in my inner circle and conscious of who I invest my time and energy into. I look for the way people treat me and treat others vs. who they know and what I can gain from them. I look for things like respect, how well they communicate, who they are as a leader, what is important to them, and how genuine they are (to name a few), what they do in the face of conflict and their emotional intelligence.
A few questions to ask yourself:
-Do they value similar things as me?
-Do they have good intentions?
-Do they reveal parts of themselves and allow me to see their vulnerability?
-Are they kind to others in public and respectful?
-Do they listen to me and respect my opinions, thoughts, and feelings?
Gone are the days where I allow mistreatment for the sake of having many “friends” to go to dinner with and now are the days of how important are you to me and how well do you treat me as a person. Now, when I invite you to the party, you better be damned sure you are important to me, and I expect you to show up 🙂
Are you ready to work with me? Schedule a 30-minute coaching call and let’s see if we are a good fit. Click here to take a leap of faith. Are you ready?
xoxo, Sonia Grossi