So this is something that has been coming up for me a lot lately considering all of the beautiful things I am juggling at the moment. Here are a few to let you in a little more on my world:
- Working on my training and coaching business and all that comes with it
- Pursuing a coaching certification – education and certification
- Dealing with my contract ending soon and closing up shop
- New adventure searching (J-O-B interviewing)
- Hosting training workshops in the evenings under my brand, Free Your Expectations Coaching and Leadership
- Landing new clients – so much contract work
- Having sales conversations and winning and losing sales
- Attend networking events
- Date hot and adventurous men – where are you?!
- Network with new and exciting people that I feel are aligned
- Exercise more because that’s taken a hit lately
- Plan out “fun” time
- Plan a vacation in April somewhere HOT (if you are down, msg me)
- Manage the emotional turbulence of rejections and anxiety because of the instability and uncertainty of it all
- Find an affordable rental in Toronto that is available long enough for me to see it before it’s taken- ha
It’s heavy, and most of the time, I genuinely feel like I don’t know what I am doing and if this is all worth it. With all of this wonderfulness, I am managing right now; I find myself getting good at not giving my power away to people and that’s because I just don’t have the time or energy anymore. This is a hard lesson for a lot of us, and sometimes we don’t even know that we are doing it!
I’ll give you an example:
- You message someone on LinkedIn to find out about job opportunities. The person responds with, “sure let’s chat” Your response is, “let me know when you are free” Ding ding ding, you just gave your power away, and they didn’t respond to you.
SOLUTION: How to take your power back: Your response can be, “How about Tuesday at 10 AM?” Btw – don’t be surprised if this person never responds regardless.
- You asked someone you haven’t seen in awhile to meet up and catch up. You say, “Hey lemme know when you are free and we can do something.” The person responds with, “sure! let’s do something fun.” “You respond with, “Well I’m not sure so let me know what you are thinking” Again, you just gave your power away to someone else and the other person is not motivated to organize something. It’s too difficult.
SOLUTION: You could have said instead: “Hey, you wanna do this cool thing on Saturday night with me? It’s been so long since I last saw you and I miss you!”
- You have a crush on someone, and they are interested in you. (or at least you think, it’s hard to tell these days) So they say, “Hey, we should do something” You respond and say “Sure, let’s do something!” What do you think the outcome of this? Your crush most likely will not set up a date, and again, you’ve given your power to someone else.
SOLUTION: Your response could be: “Sure that sounds fun! How about Wednesday at X place, 7PM?”
You play it safe, play the waiting game because you trust people and think they have your best interest at heart. I am here to tell you that at 30 years old, I understand that this is not the case. Giving your power away to someone else or an employer will drain you like you can’t even imagine. If you keep doing this, you’ll continue to blame people, situations, circumstances for the results in your life. I’ve done this for years! I always thought that an employer had my back and wouldn’t take advantage of its people. I thought that men had to like me because I am so pretty so I never tried hard (I mean I am, but, c’mon) I thought that family is all you need because as a Canadian Italian, this is what we are conditioned to believe. So many beliefs that were not serving me anymore. The deep root of it all, I thought that I wasn’t good enough. So I did things like people please, overachieved, victimized in reaction to this belief.
I would wait for men to ask me out and suggest something which plenty of the time they didn’t or they did and I wouldn’t go out with them anyways. Such a tease.
I’d put a TON of effort with girlfriends who were not reciprocal with their efforts and dropped me like it was hot eventually. This left me hurt and exhausted from all the drama it ensued.
I wouldn’t speak up at work because I was afraid to be seen negatively and afraid that my co-workers wouldn’t like me. So I overachieved, overcommitted, put my work first and became WAY too involved. I’d let the work pile up, live in the stress, let others bully me around, not ask for a raise, and eventually quit because my wellbeing was affected. Quit and repeat. In all fairness, I was always scared of bullies as a child.
I’d put a TON of value on what others thought of me. Their perception of me, their opinions of what they think I am capable of or not capable of and I began to believe it. I’d let others inability to empathize, lack of compassion, lack of emotional intelligence impact my health, and I didn’t know how to take care of myself. Emotional support is something the world is starving for since many of us don’t know what that looks like because its a generation of people passing down what they were taught. I remember the first time I consciously experienced what GENUINE emotional support felt like, the real stuff. I signed up for a 26 day Euro tour in 2015 with 44 strangers. 50% Australians, 48% New Zealanders, 1 American, and 1 Canadian (me). I saw London, Paris, Monaco, Interlaken Switzerland, Barcelona, Rome, Florence, Athens, and Mykonos. I had many challenges along the way. My right ankle was swollen and in pain the majority of the trip which made walking a blast. Everyone on tour came down with a horrible sickness of deep coughs, fevers, sneezing and stuffy noses. It was awful. I slept in a tent in which case it was crawling with bugs and spiders, and my back was ruined for the next six months after that. In spite of all this, I had an experience of a lifetime. I remember feeling so grateful for my life. I felt fulfilled and connected. I had the time and space to heal myself. I journaled, enjoyed new experiences with new people across the world. I had no expectations because it’s not something you could envision. I saw how beautiful Europe was and enjoyed every last bit of its food, architecture, people, beaches, mountains, culture, love, and history. There was no time for makeup and hair (THIS WAS HARD FOR ME) I sailed in Greece for three days and never slept on that boat. My friend Paige and I booked a hotel each night to get a goods night sleep and a proper shower. We were in France, and we stopped overnight in a town, and the rooms we were staying in couldn’t have been any more uncomfortable and JAM packed! Someone who is a light sleeper, anxious and afraid of bugs did not feel rested during this time. I remember being on the top bunk with two other women in a closet-sized room. My ankle was swollen, and I had elevated my ankle on a pillow. It was HOT, and there was no AC. We’re talking just above 30 degrees.
I began crying one night because I couldn’t cope and the women in the room asked me questions, supported and encouraged me to feel better. They came to me with no judgment or criticism and were able to empathize with how I was feeling. They were also curious and listened to me and didn’t provide advice or opinions. I remember sharing with them my struggles and was still so afraid to even let them in on what was going on, and that’s partly because I felt like, why bother? They will just think I’m being a baby and to grow up. I did it anyway, and I remember saying to myself later the next day, “Wow this is what emotional support feels like!”
If I can leave you with any parting words that can help is this – Giving your power away WILL NOT get you the results you want in your life. Letting the fear of what others think of you WILL NOT get you the results you want in your life. Playing it safe WILL NOT get you the results you want in your life. Leaving it up to someone else to suggest a date or hangout WILL NOT get you the results you want in your life. Allowing a job to dictate what you do with your time WILL NOT get you the results you want in your life. Putting others first before yourself WILL NOT get you the results you want in your life. Living a life that does not align with your values WILL NOT allow you to live the best life you’ve dreamed of your whole life. It just won’t, so you can stop pretending now.
Comment below on how you might be giving your power away or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let’s chat. I have a online scheduler so you can book a time that works for you 😉