Who you are is how you want to feel and who you are being

What types of feelings are you experiencing right now?

Are you feeling stressed, overwhelmed, frustrated, angry, resentment? As if things aren’t going your way?


Are you feeling happy, breezy, excited, brilliant, sexy? Are you dating, have a great career or business, and feel like nothing can stop you?

I don’t know about you, but, if you are one of those people who constantly tells the story of how overwhelmed you are, than most likely, your life is in chaos and everything from your career or business to relationships are impacted by it and not for the better.

I can’t stand it when people say they are “overwhelmed” even though I used to be one of them. I never used the word overwhelmed, however, I was definitely angry at a lot of things in my life and so my life was a bit of a mess and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Better yet, I thought it was always because of me. This is only partly true 😉

I was recently asked to do an exercise by my Coach and write down how I want to feel in my life. I jotted down a ton of different feelings that resonated for me and broke it down even further.  (This exercise took some time to do, contact me to find out what this is all about!) Anyhow, ever since I completed the exercise, things instantly began to shift for me. Keep in mind I’ve been working with my Coach for awhile so it took some time to even get to this point. My life began a different kind of journey. I showed up as a Leader in interviews and with clients. I was able to Connect with people far better than before. I was Flirtatious and Confident. My life felt Easy and Breezy. I felt Free.  (Words in bold are some of the feelings I wrote down) It was as if all this time, I was looking at life with a different set of lens and NOW, with this new set of lens, I was enhancing every experience in my life. One of the perks of figuring this all out is that you don’t compare yourself to others anymore or at least don’t even care!

Life does not respond positively to you when you feel stressed, overwhelmed, and angry. You will feel tight, constricted and I’m sure with these feelings there is more than one area in your life completely unfulfilled. Misery loves company. Life does not also respond to you the way you want it to. Even if you made all the “right moves” and you studied real hard, spent all this money on your MBA, and are a good person it still does not guarantee for life to respond the way you want it to. You are not entitled to anything just because you’ve done or have certain things already. What I do know is that changing your mindset first is the very most important and necessary thing to do before ANYTHING else. If you want to be living a different life than the one you are living now, there’s some work to do friend and believe me it’s not going to be easy.

I hear my clients talk about what to do with their female friendships. A great barometer for realizing that certain people do not align with who you are is how people make you FEEL. I used to have a number of friends who were very close social circles. Think of mean girls kind of clique. It was filled with joyous drama, jealousy, envy, toxic behaviour and gossip on all fronts. Tons of miscommunication and dramatic arguments over things I cannot recall anymore. I really had to step back and say to myself is this who I am? Do I fit in here? Is this worth it? Or am I meant to have friendships with women who are kind and genuine, positive and supportive, fun and invest in the friendship genuinely? Yeah – I’ll choose girlfriends of the latter thanks!

So that’s what I did and I never looked back. Let go of friends that no longer served me and had different values than I. Now, I feel Connected in my friendships. Remember – connected was one of my feelings. I feel that my friendships are genuine and full of love and support. The real kind of friendships I’ve always wanted, but, never thought it was possible. I also had hard conversations with long-term friends which resulted in growing the relationship further and enriching the friendship. Sometimes you need a little bit of courage to have these conversations AND the practice in how to communicate the difficult things in a healthy way. What’s the result of this? Two friends wanting to improve the friendship and having the “hard” conversation to do so. It’s called being an adult and no one is really at fault.

Friendships are just one example of figuring out what’s going on and what your life is telling you.

What else feels off for you?

If you or someone you know is feeling confused in finding out who you/they are and what you/they want, please send me an email and we’ll talk about it. I’d love to help you on the right path that feels exactly how you want to feel.

Love, Sonia

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