“Expectations are the root of all heartache”  – Shakespeare

What happens when you have a certain set of expectations each and every time you take action or step outside of your comfort zone?

Expectations are a slippery slope and can get you into trouble. What do I mean by this?

Sometimes we think that if we do this then we should get something out of it and most of the time, we know exactly what that something looks like before we even enter the situation.

Here are some examples of what I mean:

  1. If we show up to a date for the first time, the person on the other end will automatically like us and will want to be with us right away and show us tons of affection. Trust has not developed at this point.
  2. If we go to a job interview and we “want” the job, we will automatically get it. You are competing against other candidates that want the job just like you.
  3. If we work really hard, work extra hours, and prove ourselves to this person or this company, we will get promoted and be praised for our hard work. Doing these things do NOT guarantee a promotion or praise. Look at the signs and company culture to promote within.
  4. If we keep making the effort with certain people (controlling the outcome) these people will change and want to spend loads of time and effort on us and make us feel special. (like we are chosen) We can’t force people to see in us what we want them to see or appreciate.

One does not equal the other. What feedback are you getting from the Universe about your life? What do people expect of you and what do you expect of them? How is that going for you?

I’ve been told in my past that my expectations were too high and that I “shouldn’t” expect something because of A, B, and C. Fair enough. So why do others expect something from us? We all have different priorities, perceptions, wants and needs so why is it so hard for us not to have expectations. When someone meets our expectations only then we can be happy, right?

Not exactly. Sometimes, we just need to let things be and grow organically. Stop trying to control the situation to be something you want. Stop trying to control the outcome and result because let’s face it, you might be disappointed. NOTE: Not getting the outcome you want does NOT mean you are not good enough to have it. It could mean a number of things, however, self-worth is definitely not one of them. Internalizing that there is something wrong with you because you did not get this thing is not the way to be looking at this. Instead, take a step back and look at the situation for what you learned from it and change your story around it.

When it comes to building relationships with people and building a business with clients, there is something we all need to understand once and for all. I used to be very impatient and wanted everything NOW just because I wanted it. I’ve learned through building my business, dating, and meeting new people that relationship building takes time. Sometimes more time than I’d like it to…

Here are a few things I’ve come to understand that I feel are helpful to share with you if you are someone who has expectations:

Trust is earned not given. Real authentic trust takes time to develop. Building a client base takes time, effort and persistence. Dating is that thing we do to get to know one another and see if we’re a good fit. It takes even more time to build a relationship if that’s what you are looking for and want. Creating new friendships don’t just happen overnight. Friendships take time to develop, needs energy and effort to enrich the bond and discover if you share the same values and interests. That’s not something that can be decided on Day One.

Where is this coming from you might ask?

Let’s just say starting a business truly transforms you and allows you to open up and discover all the habits and thoughts you were once holding onto that were holding you back from what is possible for you. That stuff doesn’t work anymore and when you don’t have a “safety net” of income it’s completely scary. Therefore, you have to unlearn things you’ve been taught in the past and instead learn new things you never even knew existed. In this new way, you are building, creating, developing, exercising confidence muscles that have been broken down from years of conditioning by society, teachers, parents, friends, exes, previous employers etc.

A few of my examples of new lessons:

  • Selling is not what I thought it was. Being who you are, expressing what you believe in and standing for the people you want to serve is how you attract the right clients to you in order to do your most awesome work.
  • It takes a few conversations between you and a potential client to develop trust so that you can really help them.
  • Don’t take things personally.
  • Be who you are and those who don’t agree with you are not meant for you along your journey.
  • Share your story along with hardships and struggles because this is how people relate to you.
  • Anyone who owns a business/company and wants to hire you to do A, B, or C will low ball you at first. Guaranteed. Be prepared to negotiate and know what you want and need before the conversation happens.
  • Help people.
  • Be more giving and open to receiving.
  • Money is a tool. Use it to better yourself.
  • Stepping into your leadership is out of your comfort zone, powerful and totally scary.
  • You do not need to be friends with everyone.
  • Asking for what you are worth is uncomfortable, awkward, and yet totally necessary.
  • Don’t be afraid to walk away.
  • Make time for people who make time for you.
  • When it doesn’t feel right, there’s a reason for it.

In conclusion:

Let go of expectations you have for people and things will start to shift for you in your life. You’ll notice yourself connecting to others in a different way and you can finally just be PRESENT in the moment. Remember, you always have a choice to keep moving forward when it feels right and to stop when it doesn’t feel right.

If you enjoyed this please like, comment below or share it with a friend who may have a lot of expectations 😀

Love, Sonia

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